WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO PUNCTUATION?! sob

And then it just stands there, in awe of them. And then it starts following them around, then starts watching them sleep.

I wonder, if scared, those girls would give up Edward to stop the Illiteracy Monster from stalking them. Or if they would learn to love it after realising, it’s just an ugly, shapeless version of Edward.

“more matrix is attack us!” I so want that bumper sticker. Here’s moar bad lines.

“Hey! Happy Birthday!” They all stated in some crazy pre-programmed voice, like robots, with all this emotion, yes, but exactly the same each and every time.

“with all this emotion, yes, but exactly the same each and every time”. What is up with the “yes”?!

“By the way,” Murtagh said from the door, “where is Shruikan?” “Hunting.” He did that weird eyebrow thing where your eyes get bigger then shrink back to normal. He shut the door after him. Such a gentleman.

Added the rest for context, but what exactly is that weird eyebrow thing, because anyone whose eyebrows do that has problems!

I win. Thank you, Cracked.com. Just for the record, “Tom” in this case is Tom Riddle. Yeah, Voldemort. Yes. And “Indiana’s” last name is Jones. Oh yes.

shudder shudder

Harry, Voldy and most Slytherins tend to have meaty snakes in their trousers.

Back on topic…

In Carvahall, the trees and mountains blocked their view. While in Aberon, the city lights blocked out their light. But, here in the Hadarac Desert, there were few trees and no large cities to hide their bountiful light. One could almost see the massive amounts of energy being released by these massive giants. Supernovas swirled between the stars and comets shot in their wake. Distant galaxies died and were reborn in the matter of seconds. Gaseous explosions rocked the small planets and stars from their natural orbits. And the black holes blocked and destroyed unnecessary light from the eyes. But, through mortal eyes, these massive amounts of light blinded and hid the true beauty and vastness of these galaxies. But through his eyes they fit together as if a puzzle. And, their mighty power seemed closer and more powerful, almost untouchable and invincible. It was much more than just an inhuman beauty. It was an untamed and unexplored wilderness that hid many alien and unknown wonders.

Does that paragraph lead into a story about an alien invasion?

No. Eragon will run into Dennagon and try to ride him.

What? No, not that way!

“thee’s”.

That’s… wow.

Perhaps the writer thinks ‘thy’ means ‘my’.

oh god. somebody has to write a D:LT/Inheritance crossover

XD okay. I will keep in mind not to invoke these most disturbing mental images

For when I hear thee’s voice, thy soul does go a dashin’

This sounds like a very poorly written children’s song. “And thy soul did go a dashin’, and then there was some crashin’.”

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.

Well, they did spell ‘warning’ right.

Oh, and LOL at ‘excretion’. Didn’t notice that the first time ‘round. XD

Poor Nightwish. They don’t deserve such nonsense.

“If we die, then we will die…immortal”.

What does that even mean?

Heheh, she mentioned Vin Diesel. Every time I see his name I think of DnD.

In comparison, I’m actually gifted.

Ooh, magic underwear! I need to get me one of those!

A thong? Really? Really?! GET A LIFE.

Um…. I think you bashed the Legolas writer unfairly. I’m pretty sure thong is a synonym for a leather cord/necklace thing.

@WW: I know, I was just joking.

Translated from the original Retard, my last quote is: “ ‘Someone said to come here, so I went!’ he exclaimed.” The original fanfiction is GONE FOREVER (I got the line from my TXT file of potential signature quotes), but I believe that the line was spoken by Harry to Professor McGonagall.

At that moment, I felt my heart starting to pound. What on earth? I thought. I put a paw to my chest and thought, My heart is pounding.

Yes, this is all one line. It’s from a Wallace and Gromit fanfic told from the POV of the OC Mary Sue named Buttercup.

@ Dan Locke: Yeah, well, I was close enough.

1942 years into the future Edward Cullen has lost the love of his life. As a vampire he outlives the people he loves. But Earth has become a warzone, and Edward must join the Spartans to fight the good fight against the evil Enclave on Planet Zebes.

“Yes, Master Cheif” Edward said slowly, the breath almost gone from his lips.

“I.. I.. “ the Cheif studdered. “I.. love you.”

“What now?” said Cortana.

“... I need a weapon.”

Edward looked deep into the reflective eyes of his new helm. Yes. The Fenris Mark design was what all Spartans dreamed of. Its cast muzzle and nose gleamed under the artificial light above. His eyes then dwelled upon the suit itself. Magnificient.

Tribal designs of great strength ran the length of it in wonderous myriad of colors. His favorite was the Kanji for earth, imprinted in an illustrious red.

While he was honored, his heart was heavy. For upon his shoulders laid the fate of all mankind. Immortality had its perks, but with it came many great responsibilities

His mind set, Edward prepared himself for his battle with the wicked Covenant. With a sweep of his arm, he attatched his chest piece of his Fenris Mark Mjolnir armor and prepared himself for the war that was to come.

Once the pieces where in place, he activated the life support and AI systems. Slowly his frame began to condense and take shape as the suit adjusted itself to his physiology. His limbs elongated, his shoulders grew tighter and more pronounced, his back seizing to give bidepal posture.

A few moments later the armor was fully aclimated. Edward now stood proud upon four legs as his shield powered up. The dormant AI within his helmet reared to life. The grinding of machinery could be heard as two miniguns rolled out of seperate compartments and were activated on each side of him. Yes. It was time to Finish the fight

From a Halo/Twilight crossover. There’s porn between Edward and his commander (who is a terrible black stereotype) later. D:

What.

What.

Just… what.

Halo/Twilight? You’re serious?!!! If those rotten little Twi-hards ever discover Half-Life, I’m starting a militant branch of ImpishIdea.

I’m with you, Swenson.

It’s just….so

horriFIC. (get it….yeah it was kind of lame…)

I’m still crying over the fact that she related herself to Carlos Mencia.

This is horrible and frightening.

_{I want to flame it. What a terrible person I am.}

Wow.
That was just…
Horribly written. All over the place.
Crazy emo-cuddly-psychic-Mencia is an ADD child, I’m sure of it.

At least she knew how to spell…

I was actually going to mention that, but I guess you beat me to it.

Upon retrospect, though, I’ve definitely seen much worse.

Dare I ask for the next chapter?

True.
But I think she puts in way too much new information. Like how did she put it… “Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that I’m psychic.”
Because you know, going on this huge quest to find out how to control it is such a minor part of your life that you completely forget about it.

bq, Dare I ask for the next chapter?

Here it is. weeps

May 13, 2006 (afternoon):

Hello once again, to all those who have chosen to continue. Most of you are either phangirls, or people like me. Or, maybe, you’re just looking for something good to read. Perhaps you are bored; in this case, you’re in for a treat.

I am a fangirl, though I don’t call myself a “phangirl” because that’s over-the-top. No one is like you, sorry, Blue. And I was looking for something good to read, but I failed miserably. And yes, I am bored. Thank you for acknowledging my pain.

But to those who should be paying attention now would now what I should be typing, about Erik, the former Phantom of the Opera. But first, let me get something out of the way. I say, (Or rather type) former Phantom, because he is dead. And he is not in Paris any longer, but now he resides in Texas, with me.

You know how in Phantom of the Opera, how Erik pretended to be her father in order to gain her trust and seduce her? You know how that was really creepy? And only made less creepy because he was alive?

Now many may be thinking, ‘You can’t take the Phantom out of Paris! Then he’s just… Not the Phantom of the Opera!’ or something belonging to that field. Well, news-flash people, I didn’t mean for it to be this way! How he came here is still kind of unclear, yet the facts remain, he is with me, always, whether I wish him to be or not.

This guy is coming in your room at night?

Yeah, great role model.

But, let me just continue on with our story. And I type ‘our’ because many people are involved, and it would be terribly rude for me not to include them as saying it’s not there story, because they don’t have a part, when they do. But now, let me continue, or start rather…

GET ON WITH IT!

It was dark, and I awoke once again during the night. It was around 2 or 3 in the morning. Not the greatest thing in the world, because when someone like me wakes up, they can’t get back to sleep easily…

‘Crap, not again! Man, I really need some kind of pill before I go to sleep, so I can sleep! Well, not like it matters… I’m sure I’ll fall asleep sometime within… a few hours? … Wish I knew. Damn it… Hate having this condition.

Um, who was it who wondered if she was ADD?

And tomorrow is Monday! ... Ok, so today is Monday. Not like it matters… Hmm. Funny, I feel strange… Like someone’s watching me… A male!

Someone has been sleeping with her thesaurus.

Wait, how did I know that! …. God bless it. (Lord forgive me)

What?!

Oh, don’t tell me he’s a ghost; please don’t say he is… But what if he isn’t? ... Oh God, I have to call dad! But what if he gets me? Damn my need for slasher films! … Wait, it’s just his energy… It’s like he’s just… Standing there. Waiting for something… But what!’

What the whoha?

Slight fear crept into my heart and mind. I knew I had never met anyone like this person before… Or had I? I wasn’t sure. Something about him seemed familiar, yet something else didn’t. Something echoed in my ears, a soft song or a soft spoken verse of something he might have said. Yet I heard not what it was. I waited, but I could not wait any longer. I needed to know something. I needed to know who was here and why…

It’s Gerard Butler, obviously. He’s come to murder all those souls who needlessly fangirl him.

I wished to stay calm, yet I couldn’t, for something made me feel different, like I’ve been wanting to hide from him, but I didn’t know why. Why would I wish to hide from someone who I had never met?

Um, because you shouldn’t talk to strangers?

So, I took a small breath, shifted my weight onto my side, away from the wall, and towards the space of my room. As I did, my eyes opened wider, my lips slightly gated open and a small chill came over me, causing me to sit up on my bed.

Keep your hand at the level of your eyes!

A single name came to me, yet I later thought, ‘Why that name? Why not another?’ I then decided to not question my gift.

I could see nothing, but felt someone here with me. My sight is different, I’ll admit that, but I could almost see this aura around him, or some kind of clear fog. It was and still is hard to describe to others. Yet seeing as I had only a single name to follow, I called it out to him.

rolls about on floor, laughing hysterically

“Erik?” I asked out load, hoping that was his name.

I received no immediate response. But he waited a second, looked strait at me, nodded and spoke at last. Yet I could not hear the words, for my mind was like a very old version on IM. All I could do was read what he spoke.

OK, at least this is original-sounding.

“Yes, Desirae. It is I, Erik.” His reply sounded as if he said it with a small smile.

Just then a picture came to mind, a picture of Erik. Someone who wore a mask, dark clothing and who was very pale. At that point I knew who this was, and I was very much honored but I did not loss my cool and still questioned why he was here, so naturally, I asked.

He’s come to seduce you and then strangle you, silly.

“Why are you here, Erik? Shouldn’t you be in Heaven or something?”

Um, he’s a serial murderer and pedophile. I doubt he’d be in Heaven.

He shook his head. “No, no, my dear. I’m afraid I should not be. But I have come here to help you, and to ask something of you. I need your help, as you do me.”

“Really?” I yawned, which was strange for me.

Because you are a Special Self-Insert Snowflake, who is above such things as sleep.

“Yes. I have seen you sing, and dance and so many things. I’ve been watching you for a while now. I could teach you so many things, my dear. But for now, you need to rest.”

Flooooating, faaaaalling, sweet intoxicaaation. Touch me, truuust me, savor each sensaaation!

I yawned again and more powerfully this time. Something I don’t normally do when it has only been at least a few moments since I awake. Yet, once he said that, sleep did sound nice, so I laid my head upon my pillow and closed my eyes. I then remembered something important.

No, idiot, go to sleep! I mean… Let the dream begin! Let your darker side give in to the power of the music that I wriiiite…. the power of the music of the niiiiight…

“Erik? You promise you’ll come back?” I opened my eyes again, just to see him again. Once I did I saw his energy had turned around and looked like he was going to leave me right on the spot.

Please remember the words “I saw his energy had turned around.” facepalm

He stopped, and turned his head slightly to the right, and said, “Yes, Desirae. I promise, I will return tomorrow night. Now go to sleep my dear. You need your rest.”

Youuuu alone can make my song take fliiiight….

And so I closed my eyes once more, only to awake the next morning with a small headache, and a strange feeling in my gut that I had a strange dream… Only it was too vivid to be a dream…

Let the dream begin!

Was I going mad?...

No, I am.

Off-topic: What’s wrong with naming your computer?

Mine’s name is Marius (from Les Mis), beacuse it is slow and stupid.

I named mine Toshiba Satellite A135.

I usually call mine just “Baby”. As in “Come on, baby, DON’T YOU DARE CRASH ON ME NOW AFTER I JUST FINISHED MY LIFE’S WORK.”

I know cerulean is blue, but what is viridian? Blue too?

Yeah, I don’t really like outlandish eye colors, especially if the eyes are blue. Just say they’re blue!

It bugs me most when they’re…whatever, iridescent blue with a sheen of emerald, shot with amethyst.

What colour is that then? It sounds like it would end up being that colour you only see in water after a large group of four-year-olds has been painting…

Viridian is green.

Why does the English language have such words in the first place if their only use is purple prose?