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    • CommentAuthorAri
    • CommentTimeMay 29th 2009
     
    Exactly what it says on the tin. Let us see how purple we can make our prose, hmm?

    Arianna Raven Nightshade gazed sorrowfully into the pond, her violet orbs lazily tracing the curving wakes of the scintillating fish. Her wide eyes latched onto one, a viridescent green creature with long fins that trailed behind its incandescent body with all the grace and beauty of a royal lady. She sighed with great wretchedness, her silky breath blowing out between the rows of even, white teeth. Like the rest of her delicate body, they shone against the setting sun, which cast her ivory skin with golden tones of utter loveliness.

    Man, that killed me. It might be the most horrible description I've ever written.
  1.  
    I think I just threw up. All over my keyboard. Thanks, Ari. Can we make this a humorous one?

    Though Arianna Raven Nightshade was destined to marry the evil but dashing Count Phillipe Von Vonvon, her gently-beating heart belonged to another-- his name was Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone, and he was her lover, the light of her life. But, alas! he was only a humble Scandinavian peasant, the lowest of the low, and never to be the one for Arianna. To Arianna, known only by many at court as The Raven, a tribute to her unearthly beauty, his bounty of coal-black curls and devastatingly handsome black eyes, eyes that seemed to pierce the soul with the knowledge of sadder things that none other than he had ever known, his olive skin, clear and glowing with health, not too oily and not too dry, never having known an unsightly reddening blemish in his life, and his air of knowledge and dashing gaze seemed to say that he was Italian, though she knew this to be impossible. She shook her shining crow-coloured curls in overwhelming distress, sending through the air a lightly perfumed scent that might remind one who cared to sniff it of freesias and lavender and sunshine.

    Gee, this is an art all of its own, isn't it?
    • CommentAuthorAri
    • CommentTimeMay 29th 2009
     
    Yes, this is supposed to be a parody/funny.

    "Oh," Arianna Raven Nightshade whispered with extreme delicacy yet passion, "if only my lover, Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone, was here. Then perhaps my black sorrows would not be so shadowed in darkness. For my sorrow is as deep and dark as a forgotten pool." Her raven curls fell over her ivory shoulders and her lacy black dress in long waves of shining darkness, like a moonless night sky highlighted only by the light of forgotten stars.

    "Oh, Arianna Raven Nightshade!" Arianna Raven Nightshade gasped, her hand fluttering around her creamy yet ample cleavage. Her red lips, which were like beautiful blossoming rosebuds from a spring evening coated with constellations, came together in a small O. It was her lover, Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone, the light of her dark, sorrowful heart. His devastatingly lovely eyes found hers, and they gazed at each other with unparalleled passion.

    "Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone," she whispered, standing up and moving towards him with a gracefulness that would charm any man and woman, "what are you doing here, my sweet lover? You know how dangerous it is for us both that you are here, Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone."

    "Yes," he breathed, his breath smelling like sunshine and honey and the skin of a newborn child, "but it is more dangerous when I am without you, Arianna Raven Nightshade. When we are apart it is like a silver knife is piercing my heart, so that my crimson blood flows over the ground so that it may find you in death. Your love is like a tonic to my aching soul."

    "Such poetic words," murmured Arianna Raven Nightshade.

    "It is only because you inspire such poetry within me," crooned Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone. His silken curls brushed against her flawless brow as he ran his strong yet soft finger along her cheekbone.


    Wow. This is getting pretty hardcore. We should keep doing this.
    • CommentAuthorAri
    • CommentTimeMay 29th 2009
     
    *double post* Come on, work with me here!
    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeMay 29th 2009 edited
     

    A single tear dripped from the corner of her eyes of liquid amethyst, trailing along her delicate porcelain cheekbone before dropping like a fluid diamond to darken Kristoffe’s silky-smooth satin breeches of deep jade, just the color of his immense, deep, wonderful eyes.

    “My love!” he cried in agonies of terrible pain. “You’re crying!”

    “How can I not?” she asked, folding herself into his breast as more single tears flooded her gorgeous eyes. “How can I not when my own despicable father, the evil Count de Rochofvvve, has forbidden forever our sweet marriage?”

    (ugh, I’m not very good at this, I’m afraid…)

  2.  
    @ Ari: when I said humour, I was thinking more of the 'insane king declares a basketball match (instead of the typical tournament) and Arianna and Kristoffe are on separate teams, while still using purple language'-type humour. Or the "My heart soars like a pterodactyl of generous proportion, though I know not what that may be"-type humour, stupid allusions and stuff like that. Not just the urple-taken-to-extremes prose, but something... more. However, this may wreck it, so what do you think?

    @ swenson: You're doing fine; this is my first time too. lol. That fluid diamond line just cracked me up.

    "You must be brave, my love," whispered Kristoffe Giovanni de Falone into his lover's hair, softly, gently, kissing the curls of raven black that forever charmed him, and gave his lover her namesake. "Though I am but a humble peasant, and Scandinavian at that, I have the will to succeed, and I will win your hand."

    Arianna Raven Nightshade swooned, gracefully into Kristoffe Giovanni de Falone's strong, capable arms that were roped with lean muscle. "Though you are Scandinavian, my heart leans toward you. I wish for our souls to be forever entwined, like two flying birds in a cage... A cage of love..." She swooned again, even more gracefully than the last time.

    I meant to do more, but I'm being thrown off the computer now, so...

    *No offence to Scandinavians meant.
    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeMay 29th 2009
     
    Suddenly, with one sinuous movement of his glorious (stolen from SMeyer, sorry) body, Kristoffe Giovanni de Falone dropped Arianna Raven Nightshade lightly to the ground.

    "Castle guards!" he hissed in a voice so quiet that it barely surpassed the whisper of the caressing evening breeze. "Stay down, love of my life." He dropped to his stomach and slithered like a jungle snake toward the muffled sound of footsteps on the grass of the castle lawn. Arianna Raven Nightshade, prostrate on the bank of the tranquil pond, wished she could cry out the name of Kristoffe Giovanni de Falone and tell him to flee the guards, run to safety, so they might resume their breathless confessions of love at another time. But still her lover crept towards the guards. Why? her heart screamed. He would be seen, and Arianna Raven Nightshade would lose the single antidote to the poison of her cursed life!

    Oh no, that was bad. Erp.
  3.  

    Unable to move, Arianna Raven Nightshade stared up at the glorious night sky. There was only the briefest wisp of clouds scattered across the ebony ceiling. Coiling and flowing in the air, the weak lights of night gave them a gossamer glow as if the entire sky was clothed in the finest raiment. The stars themselves were innumerable, but Arianna Raven Nightshade had nothing better to do. She picked out the constellation of Boris, the Bear and tallied sixteen twinkling pinpricks of light. making him. She added six to that number for on clearer, nights his body was fuller. The every faithful east star smiled down at her, serving as the right eye of Corvu the hunter, made up of twenty seven stars at most. Her eyes drifted to the three hundred and nine stars that made up Bill, the dodecahedron, but a golden, glittering plane flew across her field of vision, drawing her ire.

    (must… shower)

    • CommentAuthorAri
    • CommentTimeMay 29th 2009
     

    “My dearest love and light.” Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone came and held Arianna Raven Nightshade in his warm, muscular arms. They were as soft as the fur of a newborn kitten, yet roiled with unparalleled power. “My dear Arianna Raven Nightshade…I fear we must elope.”

    Arianna Raven Nightshade gasped lightly and placed an ivory hand against her delicate brow; long raven-ebony tresses fell across her face in ringlets of utter darkness. “Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone…must we truly?”

    He looked down upon her, glowing eyes traveling the lines of Arianna Raven Nightshade’s slim body, from the long skirt of her dress to the lacing across her breasts, to the raven charm nestled in the hollow of her swan-like neck. “You are the light of my dark life, Arianna Raven Nightshade, and I would cross the world and all her oceans to simply gaze upon your beauty for a single, fleeting moment. I cannot live without you. But I fear that if we linger in this shadowed place, our love will wither and die like the roots of a decaying golden rose bush. If you adore me as much as I do you…”

    WE SHOULD PUBLISH THIS.

  4.  

    Mills & Boon, here we come! Odd author listing, though. Maybe we should publish under the name ‘Ruby Emerald Gem’ (goes and checks Internet for name) Too bad. Taken.

    “No, Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone, I cannot.” Arianna Raven Nightshade’s eyes sparkled, luminescent with unshed tears. Her love was hence to be torn, tragically and terribly, from her life.

    “But why not?” asked Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone gently, brushing a stray shining hair away from his love’s ivory, sculpted face, a face that he could not belive wanted him, lowly Scandinavian peasant though he was. “Come with me, my love, my fire, my passion, my reason for being!”

    “Because the guards…” Arianna Raven Nightshade broke off with a lovely gasp of fear.

    “Do not fear them, Arianna Raven Nightshade, my only love, my starlit rose. Do not live in terror of them; they shall not defeat us, for we have the power of love!”

    “But Kristoffe Giovanni di Fa—” Arianna Raven Nightshade was stopped in the middle of a warning, when Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone’s lean, muscular body was roughly wrenched away from her side.

    “ ‘Allo, ‘allo, ‘allo. Wot ‘ave we ‘ere then?” It was a guard, repulsive and slimy, come to take Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone, the light of Arianna Raven Nightshade’s tragic life, away, away, to the dark and evil depths of the dungeons, from whence he might not ever return…

    “You just come alonga me…”

    •  
      CommentAuthorArtimaeus
    • CommentTimeMay 29th 2009 edited
     

    “You shall never claim victory over me, loathsome pawn, for I love Arianna Raven Nightshade more passionately than you are capable of comprehending.” His fist, fueled by the strength of his all-consuming devotion, struck the side of the guard’s anemic face with a resounding, thunder-like clap. The guard’s countenance assumed an expression of immense surprise before the force of the punch reached his brain and his form crumpled like a sheet of paper.

    “Perhaps our good host, Count Phillipe Von Vonvon, would do better to acquire for himself more competent guards,” the noble peasant dictated, laughing uproariously. “Come my sweet, we shall grace Falone’s ports with your glorious beauty within two weeks time.”

    Arianna Raven Nightshade, however, could to nothing but gape in terror at the terrible, yet stunning visage which loomed behind her passionate lover: the form of Count Phillipe Von Vonvon with a silver dagger in his hand, sharp and swift as death itself. “Perhaps I should acknowledge your advice, but frankly, this method brings me more enjoyment,” he said, placing the dagger like a paintbrush against Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone’s throat, leaving in its wake a slender path of crimson.

    “You mendacious dastard!” ejaculated Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone, his fiery eyes flaring with fury and passion.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2009
     

    “Gasp!” Arianna Ravenne Nigh’tt’shadde gasped, her slender, swan-like fingers of ivory flying like white ravens to cover her delicate rose-petal lips of faintest cherry blossom opened in a maidenly gasp. “Count Phillipe Von Vonvon de Rochofvvve! How did you find us?”

    “Heheh!” the evil count cackled, leerly madly at Ariean’nea Raven Nightshayde, cruel darkness pouring from his every feature in contrast to the gentle nobility of Kries’tofe Giovannei di Fallonn’e‘s lordly brow. “Your maid was of great assistance!” Out of the darkness behind the evil count sprang Ariana Revane Ni’ytshadd’s lady’s maid! Earlier she had been a sweet, loving girl with a beautiful countenance, delicate hands that were swift to attend to her lady’s every need, and ears of purest wool, ready to attend to her lady’s ever confidence. She had been the only one Ariennae Wravaen Nights’heyde had confided in about her lover, Cristoffe Geovani di Fealonne.

    “Dear Blossom!” the swooning lady cried in a voice that, though distressed, still sounded as honey dropped into purest water, her raven tresses forlornly fluttering the the cruel breeze that whipped her silken gown about her, conforming to her every shapely perfect curve. “You have betrayed my dearest confidences!”

    • CommentAuthorAri
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2009
     

    Lol, I like the added apostrophes.

  5.  
    Count Phillipe Von Vonvon de Rochofvvve cackled, his beetle brows menacingly waggling as the malicious wind blew his billowing cloak around him, forming an ominous cloud around his imposing body. "Ah, my naive little raven-"

    (Ok, someone else finish this. I can't write like this, though I enjoy reading it for the lulz)
    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2009
     
    Varthax silvery hair shined in the moonlight, gleaming brilliantly like a silver sword upon bright light. His face was white as clouds, angular and elfin, beautiful and smooth as a new born baby. Though he was far from a baby, almost 400 years old, he had spent 300 of those years fighting the evil dragon king Thornysouros, who had held rule over Erylis'thenthor for hundreds of years, his black hand stretching to the furthest reaches of the land. But now the king was slain, and now Varthax could rest.
    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2009
     

    (wait, what?!)

  6.  
    (Are we changing POV? Will Kristoffe Giovanni di Falcone be killed and then Arianna take Varthax as her new boyfriend?!)
    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2009
     
    Oh, oops, that was just my own.

    Here's continuing from yours Queen.

    "Ah, my naive little raven, so innocent, so beautiful, what do you have to say to me?"

    "Nevermore," cawed the raven.

    "%$#^?" the count said, before exploding.

    I don't know Queen your purple was a awkward one.
  7.  
    (I know, I know. Keeping to just reading, from now on. The Poe allusion was hilarious though)
  8.  

    **THIS POST IS NOW DEFUNCT, BUT I’M KEEPING IT IN ANYWAY. **

    I’m getting confuzzled. I’ll continue from Puppet (though it wasn’t very purple. Props for nevermore, though)

    ***
    “Oh, those harsh words burn in mine ear!” cried Arianna Raven Nightshade dismally. “And now he has exploded! Tho’ he was cruel and unkind, he was my destiny, and now he is no more! Why, pray, must he have died in so violent a manner? Why could he not have choked on a cucumber sandwich at our wedding reception, hence falling to the ground, peaky and purple, and eventually dying from the lack of life-giving air? Why must all this gory, bloody mess have gotten into my raven hair, from which it is so hard to unentangle anything, let alone pieces of sinew and tongue? Why must Blossom, my lady’s maid, and the only one who could ever get the intestinal horrors of my once-fiance out of my hair, have betrayed me so?”

    “There was no other way than thus, milady,” snickered Blossom evilly. “ ‘Tis hard to betray your mistress imaginatively.”

    Arianna Raven Nightshade ignored the traitor Blossom grandly, and continued in a low, throbbing voice full of passion, “Why must my life be so dark and tragic? Henceforth, I shall shave mine beautiful hair as a mark of mine sorrow!”

    “No!” gasped Kristoffe Giovanni de Falone. His voice, too, was full of passion. “No, Arianna Raven Nightshade! You must not cut your precious hair!”

    “Why not? For what is it worth? You will lose your dignity and your grace…”

    “But, Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone! There is far too much rot in this hair of mine to simply brush out the silken locks! The only one who could remove the festering gobs is Blossom, my lady’s maid, and she hath betrayed me! ‘Tis far simpler to shave it off. Oh who, who, caused the explosion of my fiance?” wailed the bereft Arianna Raven Nightshade, her diamond tears coursing down her cheeks and tinkling onto the stone of the fountain.

    “I sorrow to admit, oh light of my life, that I was the root and cause of this explosion,” confessed Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone, to his lover’s shock and horror. “For I—-

    ***
    Is this getting too ridiculous? Did you want a serious subject matter? Just to recap for everyone, Arianna RN’s sitting at a fountain, and been betrayed by her maid Blossom, Kristoffe GdF has just been threatened by Count Phillipe vVdR (who has subsequently exploded), as well as having punched a random guard’s lights out, and confessed to making said Phillipe vVdR explode. Oh, and Arianna RN wants to shave her head.

    • CommentAuthorAri
    • CommentTimeMay 31st 2009
     

    I was hoping to keep it moderately serious, yes. You know, a serious mock parody.

  9.  
    so ARN shaving her head is out?
    • CommentAuthorAri
    • CommentTimeMay 31st 2009
     

    I think so. Let’s keep it real, people.

  10.  
    Okay, but can I keep that last bit in? I'm quite proud of it. I'll(or someone else will) just rewrite it in another post, and make a note at the top of the head-shaving post that it's now defunct.
  11.  

    BUMP

    (seriously, though, this was getting pretty good)

  12.  

    OK, then. Let this story die unfinished.

  13.  

    Okay. I will edit it again…

    ——-

    “Oh, these harsh words burn in my ear!” cried Arianna Raven Nightshade, diamondlike teardrops cascading down her cheeks, leaving silvery trails upon her porcelain skin. “For though I did not love him, he was betrothed to me, and as such had a special place in my gently-beating heart. Why, oh why, must the count have died in such a manner?”

    “My dear,” said Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone sorrowfully, his eyes speaking volumes, and his perfect scarlet tongue speaking even more, “‘Twas I, my dear—yes, I!— who caused the count t’explode most vilely. I admit with shame that I caused a long stick of dynamite, as long as I am tall, to be placed down the back of the count’s cloak, in case he discover’d us as we made good our escape.”

    Arianna Raven Nightshade was about to cry out in gratitude, when Blossom, the maid, interrupted her.

    “Aha!” she cried, her pinched, poor face and her slitted black orbs lighting up like the sun at dawn in triumph. “And thou wiltst hang for that treason, dog!”

    Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone spluttered: “How dare you speak thus to I, Prince Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone, in such a manner? It is not I, but you who shall hang for this!”

    Arianna Raven Nightshade’s ruby-red lips hung open in shock, exposing the submarine cave of her mouth, moist and pink and fleshy as an oyster, and her white teeth like the whitest pearls found in such a seafood. “Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone! You are a prince?”

    to be continued…
    (I hope I did you proud)

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2009
     

    “My love,” he cried in a voice like the rolling thunder that makes great noise above faraway mountains amidst a storm of heaping purpled clouds, seething with fire with electric diamond-like lightning dancing from thunderhead to thunderfoot while the children huddle under their little blankets for fear of the storm and the rain that beats gently down while the mothers comfort their children and tell them tales to take their minds off the storm and the wondrous thunder that was like Prince Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone’s voice. “Indeed, I am a prince!”

    “My sweet!” Arianna Raven Nightshade cried, diamond tears welling up in her perfect aquamarine orbs, a single droplet glistening on her raven-black eyelashes before tracing its way down her ceramic cheekbone to darken the delicate silk covering her gorgeous slender shoulder. “How have you deceived me? For what purpose, my honeydew, my love, my darling angel?”

    Blossom cackled madly. “He deceived you!” she cried spitefully, her hooked nose and slitted eyes leering over Arianna Raven Nightshade. “He lies to you, for he loves you not!”

  14.  

    EPIC!!!!!!!!!!!

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeJun 15th 2009
     

    Epically AWESOME.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 15th 2009 edited
     

    bows Thank you, thank you, my adoring fans. The line to get my autograph is right over there.

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeJun 16th 2009
     
    *joins line, hoping for a shot at the Creepiest Fan of the Day award*
    • CommentAuthorAri
    • CommentTimeJun 16th 2009
     
    I'm not sure what to add onto that...
  15.  

    Arianna Raven Nightshade turned delicately to Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone in amazement. “Do you decieve me, o prince?”

    “Never! Never, my love!” cried Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone in a majestic lion’s voice. “I love you from the bottom of my heart, o angel! Oh, light of my life, say you’ll be mine!”

    Blossom screamed: “He lies, my lady! His true love lives! She stands but three feet away from him!”

    Arianna Raven Nightshade froze. Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone whipped around to stare at Blossom. “Malina DioChetta van BokBok? Is it really you?”

    “Yes, my leige. It is I.” Blossom— no! Malina DioChetta van BokBok!— bowed her head in shame. “I beg your forgiveness. These long years I have worn a mask to conceal who I truly am, but today, I could not stand it one moment longer.” And she tore away her mask to reveal a face of surpassing beauty.

    Someone else can describe it, please? I have to go for tea.

    •  
      CommentAuthorSMARTALIENQT
    • CommentTimeJun 17th 2009 edited
     

    Her hair, like sun-soaked honey, flowed down her back and framed her face. It seemed as if carved from the purest alabaster, set with rubies for lips and the most exquisite sapphires – like the depths of the ocean, like the backside of a baboon – for eyes. She parted her crimson lips, revealing teeth like carvĂ©d pearls, and laughed a laugh like the tinkling of crystal bells.

    “Do you see now, my lady, the lie your “true love” has told? For I, Malina DioChetta van BokBok, have loved him for five years, ever since I saw his face. And lo, let it be known that he has touched his damask-soft lips to my ruby ones, and his skin – not too oily and not too dry – to mine of alabaster, and we have known each other more deeply than I know you have known! But that,” she continued in her voice like a swan singing, “is his greatest betrayal, and for that I will have the honey-sweet traps with which he lured me, and have them thrown to the pigs to eat, for he is no better than them!”

    And with that she drew out of her hair a sharpened dagger, with a steel blade and an ivory handle, carved into the shape of cherries and their blossoms, which, if looked at in a certain light, looked like real cherries, except made of ivory.

    Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone swallowed the sweet nectar of his mouth, and placed a hand over the fork of his legs.

    EDIT: I added that last sentence because I realized I might have been too obscure.

    •  
      CommentAuthorArtimaeus
    • CommentTimeJun 17th 2009 edited
     

    However, one glance at Arianna Raven Nightshade’s soulful divine eyes, which he could see welling with an ocean of despair, and he resolved to have courage. “Halt you aggression!” cried Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone, removing his hand gallantly from his groin and leaping in front of Malina DioChetta van BokBok to shield his dear Arianna Raven Nightshade from the malignant woman’s vicious, flashing dagger. “Surely you cannot hold Arianna Raven Nightshade at fault for her love. It is I, I that you should blame, for it was I that felled you both with my lustful persuasion. Unleash your vengeful passion on me, if you must, but spare this dark, gentile flower, for she, like yourself, is merely a tragic victim of my charm. I will suffer whatever it is you wish to inflict upon me, but leave her unscarred, so that she may yet find someone worthy and love again.”

    And so, Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone fell his knees, like a towering sequoia tree that could no longer withstand time’s abuse, and waited for judgment. Malina DioChetta van BokBok released a harsh scream and raised her knife, ready to plunge it into the recesses of the heart of the man she loved. But she could not. An invisible force gripped her arm, and she was incapable of driving it into his soft, porous, tender flesh. “I cannot! I cannot!” she cried, saliva glistening on her rose-colored lips. “Curse you, curse you a thousand, million times for charming me so; I could never kill you, any more than a bee would sting the flower from which she feeds. But I swear on my live, my love, and my eternal devotion that I will not rest until I cut this lecherous whore from your heart!”

  16.  

    Malina DioChetta van BokBok ran with the grace of a graceful gazelle, and leapt to Arianna Raven Nightshade, prepared to run the dagger through her heart.

    But as she took hold of Arianna Raven Nightshade’s silky ebony tresses, and held her so that her breast was bared before the knife, she looked into those pools of liquid lilac, and remembered the confidences that they had shared, and the laughter they had tinkled, and the nights they had spent huddled in the same bed to stave off the cold and howling winds.

    The knife fell to the ground, bouncing a few times to best show the glitter of its edge, and in that moment Malina DioChetta van BokBok pressed her ruby lips to the lips of Arianna Raven Nightshade, so soft and red like the most delicate rose petal, and shed tears like the dew that forms on morning grass, for she could not kill her best and only friend, despite the deceit of the lover they had shared.

  17.  
    *gags with spatula*

    done. Gross.
    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2009
     

    Yuri ftw.

    •  
      CommentAuthorSMARTALIENQT
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2009 edited
     

    Arianna Raven Nightshade gasped. Violet eyes met sapphire ones, and then their lips were together again, as if they had never been apart.

    Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone gaped, his mouth hanging open to reveal his perfectly straight teeth. He had been torn between his two loves, but now he saw that perhaps he could have them both. His covetous thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a voice like a golden trumpet. “Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone, my love! How is it that we should meet again?”

    A manservant, known only to Arianna Raven Nightshade as Gavino Argider Yianni, bounded into the scene like a great elk.

  18.  
    Yeah, this is where I leave. Steph OWT!
  19.  

    I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I can’t live with myself… come back? Please?

  20.  
    Um. No. (ignore the fact that by answering this, I am actually here.)
    • CommentAuthorWitrin
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2009 edited
     

    Suddenly, the sky ignited in a fiery conflagration of ichors and coalesced rainbow hues. Great shockwaves flooded through the earth, shattering the fountain into thousands of sparkling, diamond fragments.
    Arianna Raven Nightshade was knocked backwards by gargantuan zephyrs just as a huge chunk of iridescent sky-metal plunged into the ground…killing all but her.
    “Nooooooo!”

  21.  

    And lo, Arianna Raven Nightshade was so overcome, that she rummaged through the rubble to find the ivory-handled dagger, intending to plunge it through her heart, but alas! it was bent out of shape, as much of the care and make of the dagger had been put into making it sparkle like the glorious fiery orb on the morning dew.

    And so Arianna Raven Nightshade fell upon the ground, beating her feeble feminine fists upon her breast and shedding single tears like glass dewdrops on the still, marble-cold body of her lover Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone. “O, O, O! There is no one in the world to help me, for all I loved is dead! My world is over! Who could possibly save me now?”

    And as her single tears fell upon the nose of Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone, they flowed into his mouth. And slowly his eyes fluttered open, like the beating of a hummingbird’s wing, but – what horror! what tragedy! – his eyes were now a brilliant blood red, and in the light of that brilliant orb the sun she could see that his skin sparkled like diamonds.

    • CommentAuthorWitrin
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2009
     

    With a silver-tongued cry that reverberated from the eastern mountains to the mountains of the west and back again three-and-a-half times, Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone leapt away from his one true, shining love, Arianna Raven Nightshade, crashing through a wall five hundred metres back.
    Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone levitated until he was standing, and, surrounded by an almighty and evanescent aura filled with many thousand of greens and blues, he looked out onto the world, and saw with perfect detail seven beautiful maidens trekking through the snow below Mount Madronaise, and two whirling hurricanes that he dubbed with a kingly sigh, Mary and Sue.

  22.  

    Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone had, by becoming a creature of the night, acquired super special skills that he had not previously had. Looking at the maidens, he was able to see, not only through their diaphanous clothing, but also into their minds. And he saw the tragedy that had brought them to that cold and desolate peak.

    Their names were Aimi, Bella, Caoimhe, Damayanti, Erian, Frida, and Guinevere, and they were the only offspring of their father, King Kake of the Imperial Empire. He was so covetous and greedy, that he planned to marry each of his daughters to the richest nobles of the neighboring empire. But these fiends were evil beyond all hope or help, for not even the gentle touch of an innocent maiden could cure them. And so, the sisters, abandoning all hope of help, escaped in the dead of night to this land, where they hoped they could make money as women of the night, as they had in the two empires they had previously traveled through. All they needed was someone to rescue them.

    • CommentAuthorWitrin
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2009
     


    Arianna Raven Nightshade lurched back in horror. Surely her one true love couldn't have turned into this fearsome flying beast? She crouched, and a single, glistening, opalescent, semi-translucent, tear-shaped tear slid down her cheek, and fell, steaming gently, and shimmering, onto to the snow that had miraculously appeared below her. She witnessed as the wetness seeped into the fluffy, special snowflakes, that in turn seeped into her clothes, and then her bones. The teardrop flooded through the snow, melting it, the water snow-balling, until a totally plot-irrelevant, and physics defying, river coursed next to her, reaching a valley filled with leafy trees, and dappled sunlight.
  23.  

    Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone used his enhanced speed to bound across the hundred mile gap between his love and the seven maidens. He stopped in front of the eldest, Aimi, and asked her, “My most rare and beauteous flower, whose loveliness outshines the sun and puts the moon to shame, may I, your most humble and handsome servant, beg of you a question?”

    “Indeed you may,” said Aimi, tittering like a lark in springtime.

    “To where are you bound, and, should I be so blessed, may I accompany you there? For these mountains and the fields and forests beneath them are rife with bandits, wolves, and harsh and howling winds, and you and your companions may need protection and warming up from such a poor soul as me,” he said, with a devilish gleam in his now red eyes. For he knew he must fight the monster within him, and he might as well, for practice, journey with them. And if it led to knowing some of the maidens, better still for him!

    Arianna Raven Nightshade was swept from his thoughts, though he was not from hers. Staring out at the top of a tall cliff, she watched the scene so far away, and when she saw the small mass of dots move again, she resolved herself to follow it.

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  25.  

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 24th 2009
     

    ...And she ended up in…......PONYLAND, oh it was beautiful with rainbows and unicorns and flowers and butterfly’s, and…..This makes me sick.

  26.  

    For no reason whatsoever, Arianna Raven Nightshade found herself transported to a magical land she instinctively knew was called “Ponyland.” It was a place of unearthly beauty, filled with bands of many colors, butterflies that glistened like flickering gemstones, unicorns that knelt at her feet and nuzzled her hands, and all around her the air was filled with the haunting scent of flowers.

    She was so enchanted by this vision of loveliness that she forgot about Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone. She had been rendered deaf and blind to all except the vision before her, so she failed to notice the dark being that watched her through the trees…

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 24th 2009 edited
     

  27.  

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 24th 2009 edited
     

    •  
      CommentAuthorVirgil
    • CommentTimeJun 24th 2009
     

    What Arianna Raven Nightshade’s pristine lilac eyes did notice was the most beautifical pony at a station near a pond with a sandbar in the middle. On the far side of this magical sandbar reflected the soft saffron of the sun, whilst the other emulated the ivory of the moon.

    The pony advanced on Arianna Raven Nightshade, and took a most impeccable defecation at her feet.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 24th 2009
     

    “Sweet vision!” she cried, ignoring the glistening mound that sparkled as if diamonds were scattered throughout it. “Sweet wondrous creature! Tell me, dear pony, wherever am I? How did I arrive?”

    The pony stared deep within Arianna Raven Nightshade’s glimmering lavender orbs, matching them with delicate gems of purest crystal blue. Suddenly, a rushing wind surrounded the two and Arianna Raven Nightshade heard a voice within her own delicate temples of pomegranate. I am Yoonie Carn, the voice said, sounding like pastel flowers dancing on the cool zephyrs of a summer night. You are in Ponyland. How you arrived here, I know not. A single diamond tear formed at the edge of Yoonie Carn’s spherical sight-orb and slowly traced its way over her silken hairs to drip gloomily off her muzzle. I have no such knowledge! she cried despondently. I wish to know- but I cannot! I must find this knowledge!

    And with a great thwump! Yoonie Carn collapsed next to the pool, sobbing in agony, for she knew not how Arianna Raven Nightshade had arrived in Ponyworld.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 24th 2009
     

    •  
      CommentAuthorVirgil
    • CommentTimeJun 24th 2009
     

  28.  

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2009
     

  29.  

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2009
     

    •  
      CommentAuthorVirgil
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2009 edited
     

    Arianna Raven Nightshade’s soul windows peered into Yoonie Carn’s lifeless blue orbpools. A petrifying scream made the still evening quake with utter terror.

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    •  
      CommentAuthorVirgil
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2009
     

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2009 edited
     

  31.  

    •  
      CommentAuthorVirgil
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2009
     

  32.  


    Meanwhile, Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone was accompanying Aimi, Bella, Caoimhe, Damayanti, Erian, Frida, and Guinevere on their quest to become mistresses of the horizontal dance.

    Guinevere, the youngest sister, had long, thick, flowing raven black tresses that came to her hips in their unbound state. This mane was so heavy that indeed it pulled her head back a fraction of a measuring unit, exposing her lovely throat like a flute of flesh. She gazed at Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone with her liquid brown eyes, so like melted chocolate, and moved closer to him in fear.

    “Oh, good sir, whose name I know not, are there really bandits and wolves in these peaceful mountains? For I do not know what will become of us if there are!”

    As if in answer to her question, a pack of wolves, led by bandits, came down from the mountains, waving five foot long swords that glinted evilly in the sunlight.

    ***

    At the same time, a large purple lizard, with seemingly blunt teeth, leapt to the sandbar in Ponyland.

    “Arianna Raven Nightshade, I know thee! I shall take thee to my castle, where I shall serenade you with my songs of love!”

    So saying, he seized Arianna Raven Nightshade abruptly about the waist and held her against his green midsection, singing “I love you! You love me!” as he did so.

    “Stop that, cur! Only my love may touch me in that way!” shrieked Arianna Raven Nightshade with the melodiousness of silver bells.

    But the great purple lizard paid her no heed, continuing his song as they flew away to his castle.

    •  
      CommentAuthorVirgil
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2009 edited
     

    Guinevere took one quick and forever glancing gaze to the evilness of the bandits six foot long swords and the fangs on the wolves sharpened on the spinal cords of babies, then turned to Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone and promptly osculated him full on his word cavity.

    They broke apart three and a half winks later, Guinevere’s cheeks becoming rosier by the wink. Kristoff Giovanni di Falone, rooted to his insignificant place in the world, charged at the evil bandits in their seven foot long swords, now suddenly dripping in the blood of baby ducklings.

  33.  

    “Hold, you villainous villains!” Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone rent the air redundantly with his cry. “You shall not harm these fair creatures!”

    And with ninja-like prowess, like Neo in The Matrix, he smote them with his shining, pearly white teeth, and soon all that was left of the wolf-wielding bandits were chunks of meat stewing in warm blood. Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone paused to drink his fill of the life-giving lifeblood, then turned towards his charges.

    There was a horrified, deafening silence as they contemplated his bloodthirst and deadliness, then Damayanti of the dark chocolate hair (not milk chocolate! Nay, her hair was 60% cocoa!) rushed towards him. “My hero!” she swooned.

  34.  

  35.  

    With a cry of their own, the remaining six sisters dashed toward Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone like sheep toward a shepherd. They fell upon him, checking him over for injuries and wiping the blood off his mouth with their sashes. Just then, the great yellow circle in the sky came out from behind a woolen cloud, and indeed his skin glimmered with the hard light of the full moon, so in contrast with his eyes, which were like the new moon.

    The second eldest, Bella, who had pale skin like skim milk poured over marble and hair like soot mixed with ink, looked at Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone with her enormous chocolate eyes and osculated him like a butterfly upon a diamond-encrusted, blood-soaked flower. Kristoffe Giovanni di Falone could only think at that time how delicious her blood smelled, like freesia, but soon turned his attention to the other sisters, who had formed a line.

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    •  
      CommentAuthorZombie Devin
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2009 edited
     

    .

  39.  

  40.  

    Meanwhile, in the castle of the gargantuan aberdeen reptile, Arianna Raven Nightshade was being forced – of all the tortures of the world! – to tidy the great table in the center of the castle, which was covered with colored parchment, the dust of diamonds, and great splotches of glue. And all the while, the large lilac lizard continued to sing that terrible song. Every time he reached the line “With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you”, he would attempt to embrace her, but Arianna Raven Nightshade was made of sterner stuff, and would run to the other end of the room.

    “Tell me, you fiend,” she cried, after the fifty-seventh utterance of that maledictive monotonous melody, “What is your name, that I may but report it to my true love, and he may descend upon you with his wrathful vengence!”

    “My name, my love,” said the purpuraceous creature, “Is Barnabus Rex von Viridian Periwinkle, and I am glad to pronounce this, for I love you and I know you love me! We could be a happy family together, you and I. Won’t you say you love me, too?” And with that he flung himself at her again, and Arianna Raven Nightshade was held in a vise-like grip in layers of violaceous blubber.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2009
     

    Hey, this is shameful for us too. ;P

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    [hide]*refuses*[/[hide]
    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJul 5th 2009
     

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJul 5th 2009
     

    Rocks fell and everybody died.

  46.  

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJul 5th 2009
     

  47.  

    Bella breathed in the sublime scent of Edward Cullen, her vampire. His marble complexion, his deeply searching topaz eyes, made her heart flutter, and for a moment all breath escaped her.

    “Did you forget to breathe again, my honey sweet?” asked Edward in his low, dulcet tones, his topaz orbs hovering near her own eyes of sparkling brown, like chocolate fondue.

    “Y-yes,” gasped Bella. Her skin, white as the purest snow in the mountains, had a tinge of crystal azure in it from oxygen deprivation that served to make her sweet beauty even greater.

    •  
      CommentAuthorJabrosky
    • CommentTimeJul 5th 2009
     

    The hunter pulled hard on the string of his bow, his ebon muscles rippling, then released the string. His glistening iron arrow found purchase among the shining emerald scales of the dinosaur’s chest. The dinosaur roared deafeningly, rivers of blood flowing out of his cavernous mouth, than collapsed with a defeaning thud onto the spongy, leaf-littered jungle floor.

  48.  

    “Oh, Bella, my soft, vulnerable morsel, I have conversed with Carlisle, and we may yet have a way of allowing me to drink of your sweet blood without turning you into a soulless creature of the night like my sparkly self.”

    “But Edward,” gasped Bella, leaning against his granite chest, “The point is for me to become a vampire in a metaphor for losing my virginity, not for you to snack upon my delicious, heroin-like blood!”

    “Be silent, Bella!” roared Edward like a mighty lion. Bella swooned into his arms, but was so clumsy she missed and fell to the floor. Taking advantage of this, Edward swooped down upon her prone form and drew a sheet of pressed wood pulp from his shirt, cutting her finger with it. He knelt and pressed his icy stone lips to her index appendage, and Bella fainted.

  49.  

    Bella awoke to find Edward hovering over her, as he had done so many nights before. She was still on the cold, hard wood floor. She briefly mused as to the reason why Edward had not plucked her from her resting spot. Bella noticed Edward’s sublime, honey-colored eyes were dimmer now than ever before. He looked sick, and his palor was greater than even the whitest vampire.

    “Oh, Edward. You look ill,” Bella whispered, almost forgetting to breath.

    I-I don’t know what happened,” he breathed, nearly collapsing himself. Bella looked into his near lifeless eyes. She attempted to rise from the freezing floor, but slipped in her epic clumsiness, having to make a second attempt to get up. She finally managed to get to her feet. She too felt weaker than normal.

    “Your blood. It was not as sweet as I had thought it would be. I think it’s… gone bad.”

    “You drank my blood?” Bella asked, trying to sound angry, but slightly flattered that Edward was unable to control himself because of her wonderful scent.

    “Yes, Bella, my sweet, I’m afraid I could not control my urges. Will you ever forgive me?”

    “Sure, why not,” Bella shrugged. It’s not like it had any adverse effects, and Edward had only drank her blood because he loved her. “What do you mean… gone bad?” Bella inquired, feeling her heart explode for the seventh, no eighth, time today.

    “I believe it has spoiled,” Edward said, sounding mysteriously peaceful. He looked as if he might faint. “I believe it may be diseased.” Bella gasped, throwing her pale white, but not vampire pale, hands up to her mouth.

    “Diseased!” she exclaimed. “But I only did it once!” Edward stopped, baring into Bella with his liquid topaz eyes.

    “Did what once?” he asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.

    “Heroin,” Bella breathed, nearly in tears. Edward stepped back in disbelief. “You made it sound so wonderful,” Bella explained. “And I was alone, and I missed you, and you said that heroin was like our love. The junkie that injected me said that it was perfectly safe to use the needle after him. He promised that he was completely disease-free.”

    “Oh,” Edward sighed, stunned by this new revelation. “Well, I suppose Carlisle can test you for the most common diseases associated with drug use.” Edward paused, looking like a fallen angel. “Come now, Bella,” he commanded. “We must visit the hospital.”

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  51.  

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJul 6th 2009
     

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  53.  

    Moments later, after an intense!driving!montage, Carlisle came out of the blood testing room with a grave expression on his chiseled face.

    “Bella,” he said gravely. “I’m afraid I have some bad news. You have AIDS.”

    “What?!” Bella gasped. “AIDS?!”

    “What?!” Edward gasped. “AIDS?!”

    “Yes,” said Carlisle gravely. “AIDS.”