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Twilight: Other Myths that would have been better than Vampires

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    Alright, I was reading through TVTropes for research, and I found this;

    Sparklethulhu. He rises from Ry’leh when the stars are fabulous.

    “The Thing cannot be described – there is no language for such abysms of shrieking and immemorial lunacy, such eldritch contradictions of all matter, force, and cosmic order. A mountain walked or stumbled. The Thing of the idols, the green, sticky spawn of the stars, had awaked to claim his own. Then the sun struck him, and he burst into a shining rainbow of bright light. I noticed then that his eyes, which I had thought before were a madness-inducing swirl of darkness from beyond space, were actually a beautiful amber color. ‘No’, I thought, ‘this perfect, beautiful doom creature can’t be meant for a simple girl like me…’”

    Which got me thinking, what other mythic creatures would have been “better” if they had been Meyer’d?

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     

    While not many things can top a Meyerthulhu, a sparkly race of trolls would be interesting to see. “Oh no, we aren’t brutish beasts! We are pillars of culture, we’re just misunderstood!” steps into sunlight “And we sparkle!“

    • CommentAuthorCodeWizard
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     

    Shw could write about human beings for a change in depth.

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    Or she could write about human beings who just happen to have sparkles all around them.

    Like this guy.

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      CommentAuthorJabrosky
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     
    How about dragons?
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      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     

    That sparkle!

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    Satyrs that sparkle. Their horns and hooves are encrusted with diamonds.

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    I’m surprised no one brought this up yet.

    Unicorns. That sparkle. And they have wings!

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    Ogres! That sparkle. And they have wings!
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      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     

    Purple platypus bears, 17-feet tall with silver wings that sparkle!

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      CommentAuthorRT3
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     

    Male strippers. That sparkle! ...So just male strippers.

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    This is about stuff SMeyer hasn’t written about, RT3.

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    She’s got you there, Reggie.

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      CommentAuthorRT3
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2009
     

    Dammit. I guess I shoulda paid more attention at readin’ school.

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    No, seriously. He’s shirtless quite a few times throughout the course of the series.

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    I’m shirtless sometimes, but that doesn’t make me a stripper…

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    *koff*poeticlicence*koff*

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      CommentAuthorRT3
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2009
     

    technically everyone is a stripper, just not public or paid. cuz if you didn’t strip at some point, how would you bathe? and if you didn’t bathe, then you’d be mulch diggums. hey, speaking of things smeyer shoulda written about…

    •  
      CommentAuthorZombie Devin
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2009 edited
     

    You could never put on any clothes, and thus never be required to take them off.

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      CommentAuthorRT3
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2009
     

    In a perfect world, Devin…

    • CommentAuthorGolcondio
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2009
     

    Sparkly hobo zombie wizard lizard DWARVES, with beards that gloriously flare up in sunlight, even the females’!!!

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    Unicorns that eat people!

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      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2009
     

    Sparkly ZOMBIES!

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      CommentAuthorCorsair
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2009
     
    Undead Elephants.
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    Cannibal pigs

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    pigs are cannibals naturally. Or were you just pointing that out?

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      CommentAuthorCorsair
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2009
     
    Are you kidding? Cannibal Pigs are nothing compared to Elephants or, worse, Carp. The terrible Pachyderm besieged the great Dwarf-Fortress of Koganusan for years, becoming a mark upon their culture. The entirety of Koganusan was marked by the image of the Elephant, it's tusks dripping red with the blood of Dwarves.
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    Skeletal Giant Eagles.

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    Mermaids and mermen that sparkle in the sunlight! And when they transform into humans they have one weakness—no, not a loss of voice—they SPARKLE so the whole world can see what they really are!!!!!

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      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2009
     

    No, that’s only to make them prettier. Their one (and only one) weakness is their terrible, terrible sense of bravery. They’re so brave, they make everyone else jealous of them! That’s a flaw, right?

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      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2009
     

    Of course it is!
    Like the Giant Gerbil Lich-Ninjas of Doom, who are so awesome that they sometimes can’t decide what to do with their power.

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    Flesh-eating unicorns.

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      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2009
     

    Care-Bears.

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    flesh-eating carebears.

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    As far as I’m concerned, Edward is a zombie with a brain. That is all. Call him what he is and the problem is solved.

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    Unicorns that eat people! Flesh-eating unicorns.

    I suggest you play this game. :D

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