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    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009 edited
     

    There’s seven. Thankfully most of them explained how incredibly terrible this book was (with some saying they couldn’t even bear to get through the free excerpt). Unfortunately, two very misguided individuals posted lovely reviews of it. I can’t imagine what book they were reading, because the words “great fantasy read” and “epic journey” do not exactly come to mind when I think of this book.

    The first “good” review (which means it was actually a horrible review, because it didn’t actually review the book properly):

    Murder, revenge, intrigue, conspiracy. All these little nuggets that take a novel from being just a mere story to becoming an epic journey are packed into “Maradonia and the Seven Bridges.” The mystical Maradonia is a world between worlds, a Technicolor place filled with more wizardry and magic than Harry Potter could shake his wand at.
    And the author is just 14 years old.
    From the never-ending imagination of young Gloria Tesch comes an adventure of legendary proportions. Two ordinary teens, Maya and her brother Joey, discover the way to the Land of Maradonia while on a Goonies-like expedition to the forbidden Pebble Beach. The world they uncover is full of turmoil, its people in peril from the evil King Apollyon.
    Up until this, Maya and Joey had led ordinary lives in an ordinary place, where their greatest challenge had been the everyday minutia of fitting in at a new school, a trial most children can readily identify with. Now, the fate of an entire kingdom and its faithful dwellers is up to them.
    In this, Tesch explores the very adult issues of responsibility and faith, and the age-old theme of enduring strength in the face of temptations and tough tests. Maya and Joey discover their true inner selves along the way, battling an underworld capable of deceit, revenge and murder.
    “Maradonia and the Seven Bridges” is a story of substance, richly written with lush description and imagination. Its visual nature begs for the cinema. Plan to invest time in this saga, though: your trip to Maradonia will run over 800 pages, ninety chapters full of twists and turns and surprises around every magical corner. And while Tesch provides a satisfying ending for readers, don’t get comfortable just yet. Not all loose ends have been neatly tied; “Maradonia and the Seven Bridges” is the first leg in a trilogy.
    Filled with mystical illustrations and scenes of pure whimsy, this debut novel is aimed at an audience of young adult readers. However, the timeless theme of good versus evil will appeal to any age group. And through this, a lesson: ordinary people can do the extraordinary. Children can lead a nation of people.
    Hefty issues for such a young author to tackle, but Tesch smoothly accomplishes this and more in her freshman novel. No doubt, more fantastic tales are to come from this untapped talent!

    The second (thankfully shorter):

    I enjoyed Gloria’s book immensely. It was easy to read in its entirety over the weekend. With so many thoughts and images bombarding us, it was refreshing to read something sanitized with virtue and honor and the of doing good for the many. I was impressed that such a young writer was able to capture the vision and emotion contained in the story and that as an adult, I could feel and see the meaning of the words on each page. The fantasy and magic in the story were alive and entertaining. I would not hesitate to read it to a child without censure and would think it entertaining for anyone young at heart, tired of negative themes thrust upon us daily. I think we will be hearing for years to come from Miss Gloria Tesch, who is a sweet, unasuming, innocent young lady whom I had the pleasure of meeting at the signing of her first book in Books a Million in Palm Harbor Florida.

    •  
      CommentAuthorAmelie
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
     

    I have a sneaking suspicion that these reviews may be an example of not-so-clever self-advertisement.

    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
     

    Almost any positive review on a bad book on Amazon is written by the author. Eng wrote 19 reviews on his own book using sock-puppet accounts.

    Maradonia has had biased reviews published on other sites, that are clearly written by the author or family. Sigh, such is life.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
     

    The long one looks decidedly like a self-advertisement… the short one was probably written by her mother or something.

  1.  
    How desperate/egotistical must you be to write your own reviews like that? o_0
  2.  
    I doubt she wrote her own reviews because the reviewer has much better grammar than the author (and whoever her webmaster is....*shudder*)
    Would NOT be surprised if it is a friend.

    Author friend of mine put out a massive request on her blog for her friends to read and review her book to give it more publicity.
    *shakes head sadly*
    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
     

    Wow. I mean, I can understand trying to get people to read your book and encouraging people to spread the word, but I would never ask them to talk about how wonderful it was if it as actually awful.

  3.  
    Maybe they just can't take criticism?

    I dunno. =/ I would never ask people to do that if I ever published a book, no matter how awful or good it was, so it's hard for me to figure out why someone would do that. Bah.
    • CommentAuthorCodeWizard
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
     

    Maybe the author herself doesn’t think its awful?

  4.  
    Publicity. Unless you get reviews for your book, odds are Amazon will just have is sequestered away somewhere. I think the idea is that the more people review it (Five stars in particular), the more Amazon will bump it up on the list of Fantasy (or whatever) books, meaning that more people *should* find your book.
  5.  
    That's probably it. D'oh. It's so obvious. xD
  6.  

    800 pages? Whoa there. My paperback brick copy of AGoT runs over 800 pages, and that’s without oversized text, pictures, and a new chapter every five pages. Epic fantasy you ain’t, Ms. Tesch, and your pretentious little author bio doesn’t help your case either.

    What amuses me is that a search for “Maradonia” on amazon.com also brings up ANTIGUA: The Land of Fairies Wizards and Heroes (Part 1) by Larry Ellis and Denise Brown Ellis.

    •  
      CommentAuthorCorsair
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
     
    90 chapters and 800 pages? That's less than 10 pages a chapter. WTF?
    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
     

    She has a rather skewed view of what constitutes a chapter. I think she starts a new chapter each day she’s writing. :P

    •  
      CommentAuthorJeni
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2009
     

    Eh. It depends, some authors use exceptionally short chapters to great effect (e.g. Markus Zusak and Kevin Crossley-Holland).

    But I don’t think that’s applicable in her case, from what I’ve read. ;)

  7.  

    Asimov used a new chapter every time he switched POVs (in Foundation, at least), so some of the chapters are only two pages long.

  8.  
    I recall Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy having several short chapters. Also, Crooked Little Vein by Warren Ellis had 57 chapters in the span of 277 pages.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCGilga
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2009
     

    Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’s short chapters were all entries from the Guide, though.

  9.  

    I’m sorry, but I can’t help myself. Bear with me on my sporking skills – the only other thing I’ve ever sporked was My Immortal.

    Murder, revenge, intrigue, conspiracy. All these little nuggets that take a novel from being just a mere story to becoming an epic journey are packed into “Maradonia and the Seven Bridges.”

    They’re packed into a lot of things, actually. A lot of fantasy stories contain these elements. Just because yours has them does not make it good, or an epic journey.

    The mystical Maradonia

    Alliteration, no!

    is a world between worlds, a Technicolor place

    Maya and the Amazing Technicolor Place!

    filled with more wizardry and magic than Harry Potter could shake his wand at.

    Somehow I doubt that.

    And the author is just 14 years old.

    Oh, that explains it.

    From the never-ending imagination of young Gloria Tesch comes an adventure of legendary proportions.

    Please, don’t tell me her imagination never ends. It just makes me scared.

    Two ordinary teens,

    Reading the book, they’re certainly not ordinary. “This is indeed a very serious child!” Not to mention Joey and the Real Senator.

    Maya and her brother Joey, discover the way to the Land of Maradonia while on a Goonies-like expedition to the forbidden Pebble Beach.

    Oooh, the forbidden Pebble Beach.

    The world they uncover is full of turmoil, its people in peril from the evil King Apollyon.

    Now, how could I have guessed that? Maybe because he runs The Evil Empire??

    Up until this, Maya and Joey had led ordinary lives in an ordinary place,

    No, they haven’t.

    where their greatest challenge had been the everyday minutia of fitting in at a new school, a trial most children can readily identify with.

    Nitpickiness, hold on a sec: Only Maya has the problem with fitting in. Joey fits in instantly. Maya goes months without a friend.

    Now, the fate of an entire kingdom and its faithful dwellers is up to them.

    Ho-hum.

    In this, Tesch explores the very adult issues of responsibility and faith, and the age-old theme of enduring strength in the face of temptations and tough tests.

    Oh, I see, it’s a tract. Oh, and “the very adult issue of responsibility” can be found in any children’s cartoon. It’s a big deal, sure, but it’s not very adult.

    Maya and Joey discover their true inner selves along the way, battling an underworld capable of deceit, revenge and murder.

    Again with the murder! Who do they murder? I’m genuinely curious, here.

    “Maradonia and the Seven Bridges” is a story of substance, richly written with lush description and imagination.

    Example of lush description: “Maya was different. She was tall and a very beautiful girl and although she stood out of the crowd, she was extremely shy and did not make new friends easily.”

    Its visual nature begs for the cinema.

    THAT’S IT! That’s why this whole review sounds like a trailer! That’s the whole reason she wrote the book, isn’t it? She wanted to write a movie, but, failing that, she wrote a book as if it were a movie. That may have worked for Dan Brown, but it sure as hell isn’t going to happen here. If it does, I will shed copious amounts of tears.

    Plan to invest time in this saga, though: your trip to Maradonia will run over 800 pages, ninety chapters full of twists and turns and surprises around every magical corner.

    OK. That’s four hours gone from my day.

    And while Tesch provides a satisfying ending for readers, don’t get comfortable just yet. Not all loose ends have been neatly tied; “Maradonia and the Seven Bridges” is the first leg in a trilogy.

    Please. Stop reminding me that there’s more.

    Filled with mystical illustrations and scenes of pure whimsy,

    “Filled with pictures for those who don’t get the plot”. Also, why are they “mystical” illustrations?

    this debut novel is aimed at an audience of young adult readers.

    Don’t insult me.

    However, the timeless theme of good versus evil will appeal to any age group.

    She’s making it hard for us not to. It’s Mary Sue vs. Evil Empire. Gee, I wonder who will win?

    And through this, a lesson: ordinary people can do the extraordinary.

    Starting with Maya painting since she was four and having her pictures in an Art Journal.

    Children can lead a nation of people.

    Not very new, as I said. Cry of the Icemark, Shield of Stars and Sword of Waters, Gregor the Overlander, all of them have teens as the reigning rulers. And they do it better.

    Hefty issues for such a young author to tackle, but Tesch smoothly accomplishes this and more in her freshman novel.

    I have a feeling the word “freshman” is used incorrectly. Hold on… looks up ‘freshman’ Yes, it is.

    No doubt, more fantastic tales are to come from this untapped talent!

    I weep for humanity.

    • CommentAuthorEric
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2009
     

    Two ordinary teens, Maya and her brother Joey, discover the way to the Land of Maradonia while on a Goonies-like expedition to the forbidden Pebble Beach.

    Please tell me they did not compare this… thing (I’m not sure whether it deserves the title of novel) to my favorite movie. D: And here I was thinking I couldn’t dislike this book more than I already did.