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    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    Look at this travesty.

    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009



    Actually, I think I heard something about that, but blocked it from my mind immediately. So… it’s a vocabulary study guide? From Twilight?!! What words are they going to be studying, “statue” and “Adonis”?!

    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    There are multiple flaws I see with this.

    1. Test prep. in general is stupid. Take practice tests and don’t waste your time with the other stuff. Each time you take a practice test for the SAT you can pretty much improve your score by 100 points.
    2. The SAT doesn’t even give a damn about the vocab you know. All the questions in the CR section can be answered by context and if you know a little etymology that can help.
    3. The words, “stupefying”, “glorious”, “orgasmic”, etc are not words people need help understanding, nor will they show up on the SAT.

    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    Why does this exist? What’s the use of a more-expensive dictionary with most of the words missing?


    “Can you resist the allure of Edward’s myriad charms—his ochre eyes and tousled hair, the cadence of his speech, his chiseled alabaster skin, and his gratuitous charm? Will you hunt surreptitiously and tolerate the ceaseless deluge in Forks to evade the sun and uphold the facade? Join Edward and Bella as you learn more than 600 vocabulary words to improve your score on the *SAT, ACT®, GED®, and SSAT® exams!”

    Lol, with a blurb like that, I hope they’re converting Twi-hards into antis by the thousands.

    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009 edited

    Meh, I didn’t study particularly overmuch for the ACT... I basically glanced through one of those practice books to get a feel for how the questions are set up and what they’re looking for. And looked over the math formulas, because I always forget them. And… I didn’t do too bad. So apparently I’m either a super-duper genius, or the prep stuff isn’t all that important. (I would suggest, to anyone who hasn’t taken the ACT yet, to still check one of those books out from the library just to see how the questions are set up. If you don’t have to read the directions on the day of the test, you have more time for the questions!)

    EDIT: Steph, does it honestly say that?!!! O.O is shellshocked

    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009 edited

    Mothers like twilight. And I suspect that mothers also buy more test prep books (for their children) than any other demographic. Some weasel in marketing decided to combine the two. It wouldn’t be the first time someone profited by selling crap.


    @ swenson:

    Yes. Yes, it does.

    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009 edited

    GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pinches self Maybe this is just a dream! pinches self again Nope, guess not. Rats.

    EDIT: @Arty – true. It’s like Power Rangers. By your powers combined, we give you… THE BOOK ALL MOTHERS WANT TO BUY!


    You could always try pouring ice water all over yourself…

    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009 edited

    Blech, now I’m all wet. And still seeing those dreadful words. It’s like an entire book of purple prose! Who wants a book of purple prose?!!


    Millions of Twilight fangirls do, for a start.

    You could try eating a spider? (I don’t know if it’d work but it’d sure as heck be funny)

    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    Bleych. I think I’ll stick with the horrible book.

    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    I am sick and tired of these stupid sham educators.

    Like that horrific Secrets of the Dragon Riders book, which is being passed off as a classroom resource. When I get back home and buy some of these books there is going to be an unholy cleansing of these taints. Goddamn.

    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    Repost from Facebook:

    Ochre isn’t even a good word to use there. It implies earthy tones, which frankly, don’t exist in eyes. And his eyes are not reddish/brown/orange, so that tone is incorrect. Amber would be more fitting. Tousled means disheveled or in disarray, which frankly isn’t Edward’s hair. Gratuitous… meaning unnecessary and unwarranted. Just makes it sound like he is trying too hard.

    If anything, this just makes me think you’ll misunderstand appropriate use of many words after reading this book. That’s what comes of crappy adjective-full writing.

    Further proof of the decline of education. This is a guaranteed seller, and that's all the author wants. I bet he was giggling with glee as he wrote it. I take that back, he was cackling evilly.
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    Or, Durandalski, even scarier, he thought it was perfectly legit.


    What is the universe coming to?

    (if you got that reference, you have no life)

    This is so entirely sad. Although maybe it could be a jab in disguise. "Because you didn't understand all of the purple words in Twilight, we're making one giant Twilight Glossary."
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    wtf is this shit?

    And why did I click on the link for a sample of what’s in the book? They’re teaching words that every eighth grader should know! Argh. Now I’m depressed.


    This is so entirely sad. Although maybe it could be a jab in disguise. “Because you didn’t understand all of the purple words in Twilight, we’re making one giant Twilight Glossary.”

    That could actually be funny. “The twilight dictionary”

    Here’s what the word ACTUALLY means ____. Here’s what the word means in Twilight ____.

    Man, why aren’t I published? XD


    Run. Run in fear. The apocalypse is coming!

    And why did I click on the link for a sample of what’s in the book? They’re teaching words that every eighth grader should know!

    Forget eighth grader, what fifth grader can’t use “detest” correctly? Honestly, “detest”???

    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    ...Jesus Christ on a fucking bicycle. What the hell?

    These words aren’t even that hard. SAT vocabulary isn’t even bad. As Sly said, they can all be gathered by context.

    Looks like someone else swallowed a thesaurus.

    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009 edited

    I think we should all enter the essay contest with essays explaining why Twilight and its accompanying vocab guide are deplorable.

    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    I love how the guy’s qualifications are Brian Leaf, M.D. Doctor having a midlife crisis decides to write SAT study guides about a book popular with teenage girls? Heh.

    I think I cracked a rib from laughing so hard.

    Then again, I'm not surprised. My honors english teacher last year was assigning twilight to her seniors for analysis/essay work/etc. I wish I was kidding.

    Your teacher was probably just feeling defeated and thinking “may as well assign them something they’ll read”.

    Pretty much. The seniors all had senoritis anyway.

    On another note, I must admit that the cover art is surprisingly...good?
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    Edward:Hardness as

    a) Bella::Distress
    b) Jacob::Tonto
    c) Divine Beast::Erection
    d) Vampire::Emasculation

    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    Yeah, but so do all the other Twilight books.

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
    Can you resist the allure of Edward’s myriad charms—his ochre eyes and tousled hair, the cadence of his speech, his chiseled alabaster skin, and his gratuitous charm? Will you hunt surreptitiously and tolerate the ceaseless deluge in Forks to evade the sun and uphold the facade?

    Wait, is it just me or is that completely atrocious use of the word facade? Uphold WHAT facade? You don't usually uphold them!
    I think I'm going to puke sparkly, purple diamonds....

    Yuck. That's terrible.
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    @ WiseWillow: yeah, not the best verb for the term ‘facade’. ‘Maintain’ would probably be better, along with more info.

    I’m more bothered by the fact that the words ‘gratuitous’ and ‘deluge’ are used. There are more appropriate terms for those words to be attached to with regards to Twilight…

    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
    2. Sauntered
    3. Inconsequential
    4. Omnipresent
    6. Detested
    7. Erratic
    8. Permanence

    Checking out the downloadable book excerpt, these are the first eight words. I'm sure fans vocab will improve by a thousandfold!
    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    Yeah, um, does anyone who can read not know those words?

    Elementary school kids.

    But seriously, the very idea of a Twilight-oriented SAT guide simultaneously amuses and saddens me.
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    Noble – OK, if you don’t know what “noble” means, you’re either an elementary school student who doesn’t read much or a non-native English speaker. And even most of them would probably know it.
    Sauntered – obviously it’s from the verb “saunter”. Slightly less well-known than “noble”, but I daresay most people would know what “saunter” means. It’s hardly an uncommon word.
    Inconsequential – again, not exactly an uncommon word.
    Omnipresent – umm… omni means all, so omnipresent would mean present everywhere?
    Detested – everyone knows what this means.
    Erratic – ditto
    Permanence – WOW, THIS ONE IS SURE TOUGH. I WONDER WHAT IT MEANS? IT CAN’T POSSIBLY HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH “PERMANENT”, EVEN THOUGH IT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE IT. Shocking news- words that look like usually have related meanings. And everyone knows this.

    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    Philosophers have been trying to define nobility for centuries.

    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    Yeah, but we all have a gut association with the word. There’s nobody that’s going to say, “Wow, I’ve never heard that word before!”. Unless they lift their fists from the floor to wipe the drool falling out the side of their gaping mouths, vacantly staring about the room.

    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009

    Hey man, that’s unnecessary.

    • CommentAuthorAdam
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2009

    I think Mr. Leaf is an M.A., not a M.D.

    The thing about vocab words for me is that the best way for me to remember them is to remember a memorable sentence with them in it from a book. (“Harry gripped Dumbledore’s proffered forearm.”) It’s really a great way to do it for me, so I’m not entirely convinced that this would be a bad learning tool…that is, if the author hadn’t misused “ochre”, “tousled” and “gratuitous” all in a row. That is a very bad sign.


    Looks like someone else swallowed a thesaurus.

    And now he’s having reflux.

    But Edward’s hair is constantly messy. Touseled is an accurate word.

    Brian Leaf on ‘Defining Twilight’: I IZ CONJUGASHUNIN UR VERBAGE


    Oh my God. Oh my God. OhmyGod. OhmyGod. OhmyGod. OhmyGod.

    starts freaking out about the state of the world

    • CommentTimeJun 21st 2009 edited

    Diamonte is busy cleansing her brain with bleach once again, so she can forget this horrid blot on society.

    Okay, I’m back, because I looked through the sample chapters. Here’s a gem:

    Noble (p. 1) means dignifi ed or honorable, like a king . . . or a
    “vegetarian” vampire.

    WTF? And more:

    Katie ________ vampires,
    she feared and hated them
    and wrongly assumed that
    all were out to get her.

    A . comprehended
    B . appreciated
    C . preferred
    D . detested
    E . sought out

    And later:
    Detest means hate. It’s the opposite of love and respect.


    • CommentTimeJun 21st 2009

    Wait, do some people not know these words? I don’t think I’m being obnoxious or arrogant when I point out how common they are.

    ahahahahahaha... hahaha...haha.... FALCON LEGIONS, ATTACK!!!!!!

    So now they’re using horribly purple amethyst prose for study prep?

    Group 1:
    Noble might mean: Honorable. I really hope that people don’t have Edward as their sole definition of noble. D:
    Sauntered might mean: Walking slowly-the exact opposite of how I get away from this book. runs
    Inconsequential might mean: Defining Twilight
    Omnipresent might mean: Everywhere, like Twihards D:
    Exiled might mean: Sending something away. My preferred method is through the trash.
    Detested might mean: Defining Twilight
    Erratic might mean: Twilight (and its fans)
    Permanence might mean: An accurate description of my loathing for Twilight


    I never thought Twilight vocabulary was especially difficult. I scanned through the book, however, when I did read it, so I don’t really remember now.

    I don’t doubt that mothers will buy this for their daughters to help them study. Money, money, money! Too bad the freakin’ study guide uses the vocab words wrong.

    I guess it’s good that they’re trying to get something educational out of a worldwide fad like Twilight, but if these are really SAT vocab words…seriously. My brother, who’s going into the fourth grade, got five out of eight.


    Fun with sibling definitions.

    Little sister:

    1. Noble – “An upper-class land owner”
    2. Sauntered – “As in ‘he sauntered forward’? Galloping?”
    3. Inconsequential – “There are no consequences to the action”
    4. Omnipresent – “Everything is there”
    5. Exiled – “Oh, banished”
    6. Detested – “Hated”
    7. Erratic – “Spazzy”
    8. Permanence – “Something permanent?”

    Note said sister is not in high school yet.



    She did a pretty good job.


    And she doesn’t even like reading all that much. Wait till I get my brother tied down enough to do his.


    My brother is a budding thesaurus rapist, but for all that, he didn’t know some of the words.


    Same with mine, strangely. Some of them, you could see his line of thinking – for instance, he thought “exiled” meant “judged”, because, when someone is exiled, it is usually part of a punishment, and ordered by a judge. Therefore, “exiled” means “judged”.

    I love picking apart brains….

    • CommentTimeJun 21st 2009

    That makes sense. When you’re exiled, you’re usually judged at the same time, so it’s logical to connect the two… actually it sounds kind of like a connection I would make!


    NOOOOO! DON’T!!! Brian Leaf will get all upsetty.


    He’s the one who misused three words in his own book blurb.


    Well, for Cullen’s sake, don’t tell him.


    Hey, I remember these SAT vocab books! I’ve even seen one for the bloody World of Warcraft manga.

    Adonis: “Sparkly”
    Cullen: “What you do to the weak”
    Travesty: “This book”

    Noble: “That prize you win for good writing”
    Sauntered: “Dammit, I can’t think of a joke for this one”
    Inconsequential: “Sex before marriage”
    Omnipresent: “All I want for Christmas”
    Exiled: “RFG’d”
    Detested: “When the exam is canceled”
    Erratic: “Where he sleeps when she’s mad at him”
    Permanence: “The opposite of ephemeralness”


    Noble: Someone who can get all the way through the book.
    Sauntered: What fans don’t do at midnight releases.
    Inconsequential: What this book will be in a few years.
    Omnipresent: What good literature should be.
    Exiled: What I did to certain authors in my daydream.
    Detested: See “exiled.”
    Erratic: Certain people’s writing.
    Permanence: What should describe the death of books like this.


    I took the SATs while I studied in States, but i never seen one of these around. I am getting old:(


    stop it empress, you’re going to depress me. (though lucy & I still hold the records)


    Stopping. Sorry.


    It has occurred to me that The Eye of Argon might have been a better book to write a SAT word book about.


    I know. Reading it was the first time that I had encountered “whimsicorical”, “protruberance”, and “scozctic”.


    “Can you resist the allure of Grignr’s myriad charms—his harshly bronzedhide and superior size, the whimsicoracality of his wench’s speech, her lithe and opaque nose, and his corded muscles? Will you fall in love with a wench’s deep blue ovals and pry rodents from your crimson rent breast to use to tediously hone its pelvis bone and attire your limbs? Join Grignr and Carthena as you learn more than 600 vocabulary words to improve your score on the *SAT, ACT®, GED®, and SSAT® exams!”

    We should publish this.


    I always thought that Carthena is a pretty name.

    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2009

    I like “Anathema”.


    I like “Agafnd”.

    • CommentTimeJun 29th 2009
    No. Anathema is a good word, like Defenestrate. It is not a good name.

    Defenestrate is a great word xD


    Defenestrate, along with eviscerate and absinate, is on my top 10 list of favorite words. That and xanadu.


    Defenestrate is a great word xD

    YES. This is SO true.

    • CommentTimeJun 30th 2009

    It is also on my top 10 list of words, as well as myriad, catastrophe and glaive.


    Defenestrate IS a great word:) I also like gorgeous, assassination and, same as SMARTALIENQT, eviscerate. Disembowel is pretty cool as well

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeJun 30th 2009 edited
    Defenestrate wins for this reason: there is a historical event. The Defenstration of Prague. The Austrian Empire sent some ambassadors to kick Bohemia's butt, and their response? They threw the ambassadors out the window.

    And the best part? The ambassadors survived... because they landed in a pile of horse manure.

    Yeah, Wise Willow, that’s how I know the word.