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    Based on Eragon moves to Tennessee. Only here, everyone is a Valley Girl. Beginning with the Prologue:

    “Like, OMG, there’s, like, three elf-thingies coming?”
    Shut up. You are not serious.”
    “Like, ohmigod, we’re, like, dying!”
    OMFG, the woods are, like, burning? I should probably, like, do some magic-y spell-thing?”
    “Dude, she’s, like, hot! We should totally, like, take her to our castle-ish thing!”

    • CommentAuthorAri
    • CommentTimeJun 10th 2009
    Lol, I like this. The beginning:

    "Like, OMG. It's, like, an egg!"
    This is hella tight!
    So I was, like, hunting this de-er, and I was being all sneaky, ya know? But then there was his _totally_ huge sound thingy, and the de-er was all, like, laters.

    And so then I saw that like, half the forest was gone, and there was this stone thingy? And it was like, ya know, totally blue???
    I so didn’t wanna touch it, so I was like all scared for a few minutes, but then I was like, all probe-y with my arrow-thing.

    I suck at this. But Eragon In Strange Places lives on…

    • CommentTimeJun 10th 2009

    And so like, what should I like do with this thing? It like totally didn’t explode, but it’s like so totally shiny and like awesome!

    • CommentTimeJun 10th 2009 edited

    And, it’s, like, shiny. Shiiiiinnnyyyy! And the sun is, like, a glor-ee-us con-flag-ray-shun of pink. And yellow. but mostly pink. And the Spine thing is, like, totally spooky. But Oh. My. God. Sloan is, like, a total loser. Totally. He’s not letting me buy meat with this stone thingy, and so he’s, like, stupid? And he’s all, “GET OUT, FREAK!” and I’m like, “What’s your problem?” and Horst is all like, “You can be my apprentice!” and I was like, “AWESOME!”


    But then, he said I had to do — get this — hard Labor, but because I got meat for my totally awesome family, I was like “totally!” And, OMG, I saw like, Roran’s girlfriend there! She gave me a message to give to him, and I was like, “ha, OK, I’ll like, tell him!”

    • CommentAuthorGolcondio
    • CommentTimeJun 10th 2009

    This is surely funny, but can someone take pity of a non-native-american and explain what’s funny here?
    I’d be very grateful!

    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeJun 10th 2009 edited

    They are making fun of Valspeak.


    OK, so I got home, right? And my uncle Garrow was all, like, “Did you accept charity?” As if! And then we had to, like, go all the way to this totally fugly trader guy, Merlock? And he actually tried to smash the stone-thing! OMG! But it was all cool, because all it did was make this pretty sound, like those sparkly glass things? Crystals?

    • CommentTimeJun 10th 2009

    Yeah, so then he was all like a big jerk and all and totally wouldn’t buy it! It was so lame. But I got to take the pretty stone home and add it to my like collection of freaky stuff I found!

    • CommentTimeJun 10th 2009

    I have like, all these cool feathers I found on the ground! And like, oh my God, you won’t believe this stick I have. I never get tired of looking at it! It’s all, like, twisty-ish! This blue rock is totally a perfect contribution to my totally awesome collection of random stuff!


    And then I got to listen to this totally boring story, and then the stone-thing wouldn’t stop squeaking and I was, like, “This is so totally lame!” And then this dragon-thingie came out? And I was like, “Duh, it’s an egg!

    • CommentTimeJun 10th 2009

    Like, what is that. Oh my goodness. There is like, a noise. Like, in my bedroom!! That’s, like, so freak-ay!!!!

    Like, there it is again. It’s like, coming from that rock! Like as if rocks can make noise! Rock, like shut up! Like I’m trying to sleep here!


    Lol. This is totally off topic, but I can so imagine Eragon Moves To New Zealand: “AndIwaslike, thet’s so fully sick, bro. Thet rock es fully mekin’ noise! It’s starting to hut my ees, bro.”

    Anyway. So then I, like, touched the dragon-thingie and it was like, burn! So then I looked at my hand and there was, like, this seriously cool white spot-thingie. And I was all, oh-kay…. Wait, something’s touching my mind! Can minds be touched? That is so wrong! And it fully freaked me out, you know? I am totally sure it was, like, the dragon?


    And, Oh. My. God. What happened next was… Well it was, like FREAKY! The — thing, like touched my hand, and I was like “OW!” and then, oh my God, and then… THERE WAS A REALLY BIG WHITE SCAR ON MY HAND!!! Isn’t that like totally freaky?! And then, I was like, “you suck” to the thing, I mean, it scared me!


    I, like, salute you, RVL.


    And guess what?! The dragon-thingie? It is such a total pig! I mean, it, like, ate a whole handful of meat! And then I had this really hard choice I had to make, like, ya know, harder than choosing an outfit, if you know what I mean. I mean, if I kept this thing, I’d have to, like, think about someone else – ya know, besides myself? And I’d have to swear to this king guy, which would totally suck. But I really liked the dragon-thingie, because it was so cute! So I was like, “I’m keeping it! OMG!”


    So, like, I was like, “well, where the hell do I put this thing?!” you know? And then, I was like, “No duh, in the backyard!“ So with a lot of, like really hard work, I managed to, like make a shelter for the creep! And then, it was so scary, it started blowing smoke. I was like, “Oh my God, it’s a dragon and it’s BLOWING SMOKE!!!” And I totally freaked out.

    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2009

    But then like time went on, ya know? And it was all cool!!!! Because I like totally had this DRAGON like all to myself and DUH I didn’t tell anyone else about it because, come on, they would have been all like “No, you can’t keep it!” And I totally was like “No, I like it!” So yeah, I kept it.

    But then it was like cool! Because it started getting bigger and I was like sitting with it one day and OH MY WORD DID IT JUST TALK TO ME IN MY HEAD. IT JUST LIKE TALKED TO ME IN MY HEAD!!!!!! FREEEEEAKY!!!!!!!!!


    And like Oh. My God. It was actually FUNNY! Well, at least I think that;s what it was trying to do… I’m not completely sure… Well, whatev; I don’t care about the thoughts of a stupid dragon.

    OK, so now, like I don’t know what to do… Am I like, going to die of the freaky white burn, ‘cuz I don’t really want to die. I mean, I never have before, but I just like, don’t really want to. There’s this like weird storyteller guy in the village, and he tells, like really boring, re— repet—- um… the same stories over and over! And like, I think I should totally talk to him, you know? Like, he’s so ancient, maybe he knows what I should do! Oh my God, I’m going to like go, RIGHT NOW!

    • CommentTimeJun 15th 2009

    Heyyyyy!!!! Like Mister Storyteller dude! Like I need to talk to- jumps Oh, I like totally didn’t know you were behind me! Freeeeaky how you snuck up on me like that!!!! Tell me about DRAGONS!


    And then the ancient guy, like he gave me a whole bunch of names. I was like ‘OK. Now what?’ But I didn’t tell him. Having a dragon makes me feel, like so totally special!

    • CommentAuthorAri
    • CommentTimeJun 16th 2009
    And I was like, this is so awesome! But then, like, my dragon-thing, like, started growing and stuff, you know? And then these like, totally uncool guys who wore all this black and NO PINK like, showed up and were all, like, nasty.


    Anyway, I was like “um, like, what are you doing here? And why don’t you have a fashion sense?!” And they were like… Well, like, they didn’t actually say anything. And then, like, oh my God, and then that old guy was like: run! You don’t have much time! And I was like, shut up! And he SLAPPED ME! Can you believe that?!? Like, I know!