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    • CommentTimeFeb 18th 2017

    As the title said, I’m doing a poetry project for my literature project, and part of it is writing 3 poems ourselves. We had our first snowstorm a while back, and I wrote this during it one night when I couldn’t sleep. I was thinking of keeping the final like “Like any final days”?

    Each Year

    Too ripe fruits fall from the trees
    For now
    It appeases me
    But after each
    Red drop,
    Yellow flip,
    Orange flop
    Brown sets in

    One and another
    A cold white clutter
    Come in fierce yet hollow moans
    Then sit so pretty
    Upon branches: brittle bones

    Slowly, creeping their grasp
    Fingers of gold
    Awaken colors
    Which quickly pass

    In quiet sprouts and buds
    Then bursting forth
    Flowers feed on sun:
    Blossom in wet mud

    In the summer, hot and keen
    On the grass, the green,
    The shimmering haze
    Under my daze
    Become sweet and teasing
    These cruel final days

    • CommentTimeFeb 19th 2017 edited

    I like it! There’s some really good imagery, and the rhythm is quite well developed. I think you should keep “these cruel final days”, but maybe change “cruel” to “cold”? That would imply the imminent transition back to autumn/fall, thus completing the cycle.

    eta: also, if you’re short on the number of poems you need, and can’t think of anything that works well, I recommend trying a pantoum. They practically write themselves, even better then sestinas and triolets. Once you have the first verse written, you’ve got half of the second first and half of the final verse already.

    • CommentTimeFeb 24th 2017

    Thanks! I like the change to “cold” for the final line, perhaps even “cooling”? And thanks for the pantoum suggestion, sounds like a structure I might be using.

    • CommentTimeFeb 25th 2017

    “cooling” would work well. And I love poetic forms that use repetition as a structural element, not only because you only need to write half as many lines as the poem needs, but because it’s such a powerful and evocative tool if you use it right, especially for contemplative or introspective poems.