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      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeJan 13th 2017 edited
     

    I had a flash of poetic inspiration tonight while washing the dishes. That hasn’t happened since I think about 2010, so I’m quite pleased about it. It’s still very much a ‘from the heart’ first draft, so any comments on improvements would be great.

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      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeJan 13th 2017
     

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      CommentAuthorResistance
    • CommentTimeFeb 13th 2017
     

    I really like this poem, and I’d go with asking rather than questioning, it seems to flow better with the beats and you get some nice alliteration which I like.

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      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeFeb 13th 2017
     

    Thanks, I agree now that I’ve had a few weeks to let it sit, ‘asking’ is a much better fit.

    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeMar 1st 2017
     

    I like ‘asking’ with ‘reaching’, but ‘answering’ with ‘grasping’ sounds awkward to me. Perhaps ‘The asking —- not the knowing —’ ?

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      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMar 2nd 2017
     

    Also a good idea! Thanks, SlyShy.