...That’s interesting. It would make a lovely spitefic if you explained more of what was happening…

It’s well-written, but also a tad confusing. I think it needs more detail after “I will make you see.”

That makes sense, and the excerpt looks better in light of that information, but it should all be in the excerpt. Good writing can only go so far.

Some background info I thought up. The origins of the Riders.


"In times long past, the elves and dragons waged war across the land. From the mountains in the south to forests of the north they fought, and death and destruction followed in their wake. For ages the war continued, wounding and scarring the land itself, until it was only a barren wasteland.
Both elf and dragon wielded magic, but where it only flowed around the elves, it coursed through the dragons and filled them with terrible power. The strength of the dragons became their weakness however; so filled with magic, they became blind to the mundane. It was their downfall.
Looking upon the now blasted lands, the elves were filled with hatred, and cursed the dragons. The dragons would be bound to the elves, and as magic had flowed through the dragons, it would now flow through their riders. The dragons were enslaved, their humiliation complete. However, some elves protested this punishment. It was cruelty. It was slavery. It was tyranny.

It was evil.

The land nearly fell to war again, until one elf rose above the strife upon the back of a white dragon. Follow us, they said, and we will find a new land to make our home, where elf and dragon will be equal. So he and his people fled west, and then south. The elven empire split in two, with the tyrants in the barren north, and the kings in fertile south.
The wounded land slowly healed. The coast became a grassy ocean of its own, its sea of green ever waving. The north scarred over as the trees and flowers covered its harsh surface. And the endless desert came to an end, slowly quenching its thirst for life and throwing off the weight of the ancient magics that kept it barren.

And the kingdom in the south grew prosperous. Her cities soared high, and her boundaries ran far. Though the dragons would forever be bound to the elves, they were seen and treated as equals. They were artists, authors, architects, teachers, entrepreneurs, husbands and wives, and leaders. Elf and dragon were equal.
But as prosperity and opportunity grew, so did crime and corruption. The white walls soon turned gray, the streets became dangerous, and to go out in the dark of night was to die. The once proud kingdom was sick, and near death.
Out of the misery rose heroes, warriors and magicians alike, elves borne upon dragons that fought against the rising darkness, and struck it down. They banded together and pledged to keep the peace, fight those who would harm the innocent, and use the power of the dragons for the good of all.

And so the Riders were born."



I recall someone saying that the dragons got the raw end of the deal when the Riders were made. The elves and humans got beauty, magic, and immortality, while the dragons got nothing. So I thought, " Well hey, why not put a war in the backstory to justify it?"

So I did.

Some backstory about Saphira’s motivation, Part 1:

First things first: Saphira and Shuriken are siblings. They were born before the elf-dragon war, but for some reason never hatched. When the elves split after the war, Shuriken was stuck up north, but Saphira went south.

As dragons get older, their ability to wield magic grows; both Saphira and Shuriken gained the ability to slowly siphon energy from around to survive (I don't know how important that will be), and much later gained the ability to subtly manipulate people near them. Shuriken hatched before he became aware of it, but Saphira didn’t (this is important).

Saphira “saw” the rise of the Riders as they did good deeds and became heroes; she came to see curse as a blessing, as the Riders were able to maintain the peace so well.

Shuriken “saw” the rise of Ilirea and the evils committed by the magocracy that came to power; he came to see the elves as an evil race, and the dragons that served the elves as weak and in need of a savior.

After humans come to Alagaesia and are inducted into the Riders, the riders invade the northern empire and destroy it. Saphira is filled with joy, and believes the land will now be at peace. Shuriken is enraged that dragons do not rise up against their masters.

After some time, a boy named Galbatorix joins the riders. After his first dragon dies, Shuriken sees a chance to liberate his species, and slowly manipulates a grief-stricken and slightly unhinged Galbatorix into becoming his rider. The Riders are immediately suspicious,because the dragon is male, and the “binding” does not harm Galbatorix.

Female dragons hatch for male elves and humans, and vice-versa, due to the nature of the curse. Because the curse binds the Rider and dragon both mentally and physically (and some would say spiritually), the binding is considered marriage in the eyes of the government and the church, and children can be born from these unions.

The second issue is from the binding itself. Because of the nature of the curse, only hatchlings and young children can do the binding without harm. The older either party gets, the more “rewiring” has to happen in the brain. If the elf or human is too old, both the human and dragon will die painfully (their brains will hemorrhage, and may even begin to liquefy).

Shuriken realizes the Riders have discovered that his bond with Galbatorix is not natural. He and his Rider flee.

What follows is quite hazy, but what began with revolutionary and a grieving boy fleeing Ilirea ended over twenty years later with a genocidal sociopath and a power hungry madman razing the city to the ground.

Saphira was enraged. All she had hoped for, everyone she cared about, and everything she honored was dead by her brother’s hand. She would hatch, find a Rider, and right this grievous wrong. She would have justice, and she would tear the world apart if she had too.

And then came along a thief.

Her egg was saved by the slightest margin; Shuriken had discovered her power to control the people around her, and was about smash her egg when Brom stole her away.