Dear Christopher Paolini,

As Impish Idea celebrates its second birthday I wish to let you know how grateful I am to your books. I’m afraid they are badly written, no doubt about that, because of your poor prose, poor writing, poor characterisation, poor plots, poor imagination, poor— you know how if you say a word too many times it loses meaning? Poor.

However, despite all that and the ups and downs of the last four years (it seems longer), I still want to thank you. I have made some spectacular friends through meeting people who dislike your books. It’s funny. If you hadn’t watched Star Wars when you were younger, if you hadn’t met the stepson of Carl Hiaasen, if Knopf hadn’t seen something they could immediately abuse, if some of us hadn’t read the “finished” product, we wouldn’t be here today. I sometimes wonder how the last few years of my online life would have gone. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t have even gone to America IRL in 2008, I would have had no one to see. No one to visit. No one to eat dinner with them and their family. No one to follow around their high school. No one to visit a Mall of America with. No one to eat cinnabons with. No one to meet and laugh with at Twilight.

Food for thought.

(If you can’t tell, I like repeating certain phrases to emphasise my point, see how I draw attention to it, in order to excuse my amateur writing style. Now I can take refuge in irony. Too bad you can’t).

So Christopher Paolini, I would do a list of all the people that you have allowed me to get to know, but I’ll probably miss someone out, and then there will be many single tears and brooding and maybe some shaving while we stare at each others genitals.

…or maybe not.

In the end though, no matter how much I reveal about my life, it can never be expressed as well as, or as encompassing as those two simple words:

Thank you.

From the bottom of my heart.

Yours sincerely,
Jeni

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Comment

  1. Kawnliee on 11 September 2010, 13:16 said:

    Well said. I, as well, am very indebted to Christopher Paolini. He has provided me with countless hours of entertainment and happiness.

  2. theArmourer on 11 September 2010, 13:51 said:

    We should mail this to him, although I doubt he’d get it
    (meaning get the mail)

  3. SMARTALIENQT on 11 September 2010, 13:55 said:

    I am indebted to Christopher Paolini for three reasons:

    1. For inspiring me to write, just like him,
    2. For making me a better writer so I could avoid writing like him, with his thesaurus-pillaging and totally unoriginal plot ideas,
    3. For meeting all of these wonderful people who have helped me in that endeavor.

    I love you guys.

  4. Jeni on 11 September 2010, 13:59 said:

    Armourer, I am currently composing a less snarky letter to him. Unfortunately it’s slipped down a list of priorities. :|

  5. Danielle on 11 September 2010, 15:28 said:

    So Christopher Paolini, I would do a list of all the people that you have allowed me to get to know, but I’ll probably miss someone out, and then there will be many single tears and brooding and maybe some shaving while we stare at each others genitals.

    Disturbing. Yet very Paolini-ish.

    I owe quite a bit to him. First he inspired me to write, proving someone my age could get published. Then he wrote Eldest, making me realize I was a better writer than him. Then, in a roundabout way, I found this site and all the wonderful people who whined with me and helped me become a better writer.

    So what are we waiting for? Let’s celebrate by stripping down and doing the Naked Marijuana-Induced Dragon Dance!

    ….er, wait.

    Let’s just hang from the ceiling and eat cannolis instead.

  6. falconempress on 11 September 2010, 16:21 said:

    In that respect, I think that I too have a lot to thank Paolini for. Not only I got to meet you guys, some of the awesomest people I have ever known, but you also helped me learn so much about writing. Finding II and hanging around the community (going into lurking mode once in a while) did more for my writing than any other essay or book I ever read on the subject.

    So yeah – thank you, Christopher Paolini. Hating your work brought me much happiness:)

  7. Puppet on 11 September 2010, 18:45 said:

    …That was beautiful, Jeni.

    sheds single tear

    Seriously now, you’ve said everything that could be said. Without Paolini I probably wouldn’t have met all these wonderful people here.

  8. Snow White Queen on 11 September 2010, 20:48 said:

    D’awww…I love you guys.

  9. theArmourer on 11 September 2010, 21:09 said:

    :-)

  10. divine_wolf on 11 September 2010, 21:16 said:

    I agree with everyone here. Without people like Paolini and Meyer, I would still write like a ten year-old.

  11. Steph (what is left) on 11 September 2010, 23:01 said:

    What everybody else above has said. Without Paolini and Meyer, and people to criticise them, I’d still be using dialogue tags and not analysing my work for Unfortunate Implications.

    Now, who’s up for staring at each other’s—

    —you know what, I’m not going to finish that sentence. And that is as it should be.

  12. fffan on 12 September 2010, 00:54 said:

    Paolini, you’re the reason I found ImpishIdea. Cheers. :)

  13. RandomX2 on 12 September 2010, 03:13 said:

    I think we just got ourselves a virtual Kodak moment.

  14. Nate Winchester on 12 September 2010, 09:35 said:

    Excuse me, I had something in my eye.

  15. Puppet on 12 September 2010, 12:13 said:

    You people need to stop cutting onions in here.

  16. Jeni on 12 September 2010, 12:40 said:

    I LOVE YOU ALL.

  17. swenson on 12 September 2010, 15:15 said:

    Steph – cars? TV sets? Box sets of Avatar: The Last Airbender DVDs? What were you going to say? Don’t leave us all in the dark! :D

    Anyway, I think most people here know just how much I owe to CP for letting me meet other people, not just on II. I’ve made some really great friends through mutual… criticism, we’ll call it, of the Inheritance Cycle. And I’ve learned an awful lot about writing and reading, two of my favorite activities.

    So let me be quick to add my thanks to everyone else’s.

    (The best part is that I’m barely even being sarcastic! )

  18. RomanticVampireLover on 12 September 2010, 15:20 said:

    I LOVE YOU TOO, JENI!
    :D

    Lovely letter, by the way. ;)

  19. SMARTALIENQT on 12 September 2010, 22:32 said:

    I owe quite a bit to him. First he inspired me to write, proving someone my age could get published. Then he wrote Eldest, making me realize I was a better writer than him. Then, in a roundabout way, I found this site and all the wonderful people who whined with me and helped me become a better writer.

    Whoa, are you me? I had the exact same thought process.

  20. NeuroticPlatypus on 13 September 2010, 00:18 said:

    I found this site because of Gloria Tesch, through Ari’s Maradonia sporks. So, thank you, Gloria.

    And this is an awesome letter, Jeni.

  21. SlyShy on 13 September 2010, 03:34 said:

    This letter is so full of truth and awesome sentiment that it took me two days to respond. :)

  22. dragonarya on 13 September 2010, 09:02 said:

    It’s very true; for me as well.

  23. lookingforme on 13 September 2010, 13:00 said:

    Aww, now I’m feeling all sentimental. And it is completely true that I found this wonderful community while searching for Brisingr spoilers online. So thank you, Christopher Paolini!

    (PS: Perhaps a letter to SMeyer is in order as well?)

  24. swenson on 13 September 2010, 14:41 said:

    Let me see… I know there was one elsewhere on the Interwebs…

    Ah, here it is: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/stephanie-meyer-letter.php

    None on here yet, though.

  25. Jeni on 13 September 2010, 15:48 said:

    (PS: Perhaps a letter to SMeyer is in order as well?)

    To be honest, this letter really was very personal, and prompted by a certain Imp moving to university near me. Realising the events that brought this to happen are just… weird. And entirely thanks to CP. O_o

    Smeyer had very little impact on my journey. Except being a good excuse to get to Minnesota for a certain date.

    Maybe others will want to write letters next year. ;D

  26. Lilan Jaku on 15 September 2010, 09:23 said:

    Last as always:D
    I feel somehow robbed. I am probably the only one who came here because someone very close to me just wouldn’t shut up about how amazing and utterly awesome this place is and not because of CP generally poorly written books. However, I am still happy to be here even though I don’t know most of you nearly as much as I would like. But I guess that is something that can change over time:) So I would say, thank you CP for bringing all those people together because one of them was able to drag me into their circle. Sheds a single tear…without any intention to shave or stare at anything…

  27. Un-dante'd on 6 October 2010, 17:32 said:

    To prepare for your journey through the Inheritance Cycle, some equipment is needed:
    1. An unnecessarily large and unwieldy thesaurus, useful for looking up obscure and hard to use synonyms for perfectly good two-syllable words.
    2. A map for those easily lost in uncreative plot twists
    3. Rope to climb out of plot holes.
    4. Red Bull. It’s gonna be a long trip.
    5. Novelty magical objects (grass boats that zoom around in the air).
    6. A Buddhist monk to teach you that killing bushes is wrong.

    Good luck.