Wow, that last chapter was pretty intense, amiright? I was getting pretty caught up in dissing the disgusting; so caught up, in fact, that I forgot to mention something important. Twilight has 24 chapters, meaning that, as of the last article, we’re officially half way through. Meaning that there’s about as much wankery in front of us as there is behind us. Which, now that I mention it, is actually kinda daunting. And let me tell you guys, if you thought the first 12 chapters were bad, those to come will make Death seem like a charming, amiable fellow. But I’m resolved to see it through to the bitter, sparkly end.

So here’s to the halfway milestone.

Cheers!

Chapter 14: Mind Over Matter

This chapter begins much as the last chapter ended (and began, and continued through the middle), with Bella awestruck by Edward’s perfection. In this case, the particulars revolve around Edward’s driving ability, leaving us to wonder whether there’s any area where this man doesn’t make us all look horribly incompetent.

Like so many things, it seemed to be effortless to him. He barely looked at the road, yet the tires never deviated as much as a centimeter from the center of the lane. (p. 286)

Nope, seems he’s pretty much omni-competent. It makes you wonder why he’s into a girl who, by her own admission, can’t do anything. But that’s part of the magic, isn’t it? I mean, if our protagonist had a shred of charm, competence, or self-esteem, it wouldn’t be so bloody remarkable that she landed a magical boyfriend.

But anyway, Edward is listening to the radio, and it seems like they are about to have an actual normal conversation until Edward mentions how Fifties music was better than Sixties or Seventies music, and Bella asks him how old he is.

“Does it matter much?”

Uh… yea, it kinda does.

“No, but I still wonder…” I grimaced. “There’s nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night. (page 287)

Facepalm. If you think an unsolved mystery is bad, try statutory rape.

After a little more encouragement and a description of his skin in the light of the setting sun, he confesses that he was born in 1901, and transformed into a vampire in 1918. Of course, Bella is physically incapable of thinking anything bad about Edward, so the revelation that she is dating a 109-year-old man does not have quite the appropriate impact. I, therefore, will supply a more fitting response.

Edward goes on to tell the story of how he was transformed into a vampire. In short: his parents had died of the Spanish influenza, and he was about to follow them. Vampire Carlisle was in town and was feeling lonely, so he bit Edward and saved his life. Homoerotic subtext aside, Edward awoke after a few days of agonizing pain as a sparkly vampire, the first addition to Carlisle’s family. Esme joined the sparkle bunch shortly thereafter.

Now, under normal circumstances I’d complain about a narrative-halting info-dump, but since Twilight doesn’t have much of a narrative to halt, and the Cullen family history is both more interesting and less offensive and than Bella and Edward’s relationship, I’ll let the author slide. Once Edward is done talking about Esme, Bella asks about Emmett and Rosalie. It turns out that Rosalie was meant to be Edward’s life partner, but Edward would have none of her. She eventually found Emmett dying and transformed him. Now the two are close as can be, get married every time they move to a new town, and (if you consider the leaked chapters of Midnight Sun cannon) frequently have wild, home-breaking sex. Alice and Jasper were vampires before they joined the Cullen Crew. They took up together, and then were guided to the Cullens by Alice’s prophetic visions (her vampire power).

Bla bla bla… Non-vegetarian vampires are usually nomadic… bla bla bla… We usually stay in the north, and only come out at night (perhaps somebody should tell the author that “north” does not necessarily mean “overcast”)… bla bla bla… Nobody knows where Alice came from, who transformed her into a vampire, or who she was as a human…

Near the end of this , they arrive at Bella’s house. Bella hasn’t eaten all day, so she’s really freaking hungry.

“I’m sorry, I’m keeping you from dinner.”

“I’m fine, really.”

“I’ve never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget.”

“I want to stay with you.” It was easier to say in the darkness knowing as I spoke how my voice would betray me, my hopeless addiction to him. (p. 292)

Good god, here we go again… And I don’t think that last sentence makes sense. It’s easier to say because you know that your voice will betray your addiction? I don’t get it. It seems like Meyer was looking for an excuse to say that Bella was addicted to Edward, which… I don’t know…

Edward decides to stay for dinner, and uses his inhuman speed to hold the car door open for Bella. He then goes ahead and opens the door to the house— a door which was supposed to be locked.

“The door was unlocked?”

“No, I used the key from under the eave.”

I stepped inside, flicked on the porch light, and turned to look at him with eyebrows raised. I was sure I’d never used that key in front of him.

“I was curious about you.”

“You spied on me?” But somehow I couldn’t infuse my voice with the propper outrage. I was flattered.

He was unrepentant. “What else is there to do at night?” (p. 292)

STAND BACK, IT’S GONNA BLOW!

Ok, seriously, no. This is not how you are supposed to react when your boyfriend admits that he HAS YOUR GORRAM HOUSE STAKED OUT. I repeat, and I’ll repeat again, stalking is not romantic. I don’t care how pretty he is. It’s just that, yet again, our suicidally shallow protagonist is too befuddled by superficial beauty to object when Edward violates her personal rights. I don’t care how in love two people are; they always have a right to privacy. Ah, hell with it.

EDWARD CULLEN’S DOMESTIC ABUSE CHECKLIST: Do you….

Oh, but it gets worse.

“How often?” I asked casually.

“Hmmm?” He sounded as if I had pulled him from another train of thought.

I still didn’t turn around. “How often did you come here?”

“I come here almost every night.”

I whirled, stunned. “Why?”

“You’re interesting when you sleep.” He spoke matter-of-factly. “You talk.”(p. 293)

At least at this point, Bella has the good sense to be upset. And since she’s a strong, willful young woman, surely she’ll put her foot down, make her boyfriend realize the error of his ways, and establish some personal boundaries. And then she’ll become a wizard, slay Lord Voldemort, and be elected Minister of Magic.

His expression shifted instantly to chagrin [Pftahahaha, I don’t think there’s a proper way to use this word] “Are you very angry with me?”

“That depends!” I felt and sounded like I’d had the breath knocked out of me.

No it doesn’t!

“On?” he urged.

“What you heard!” I wailed.

No! No no no no. What he heard is besides the point. The issue is that he stalks you, and refuses to give you any privacy. Of course Edward does his level best to make listening to a teenage girl sleeptalk every night not seem like justification for a restraining order (is stalking a felony?).

Instantly, silently, he was at my side, taking my hands carefully in his. “Don’t be upset!” he pleaded. He dropped his face to the level of my eyes, holding my gaze. I was embarassed. I tried to look away.

“You miss your mother,” he whispered. “You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it’s less often now. Once you said, ‘It’s too green‘. He laughed softly, hoping, I could see, not to offend me further. (p. 294)

Aww… Isn’t that sweet? He just cared about her. He only wanted to know who she was, whether she was happy, andTHIS IS BULLSHIT! Is this honestly what passes for romance today? I don’t care what his intentions were, spying is not ok, and if Edward had any respect for Bella or her personal integrity, he wouldn’t do it (never mind the fact that, at the time, he was seriously considering eating her).

Of course, it comes out that Bella would also frequently moan Edward’s name in her sleep, to which our sparkly stalker replies, his eyes awash with melodramatic conviction,

“Don’t be self-conscious,” he whispered in my ear. “If I could dream at all, it would be about you. I’m not ashamed of it.” (p. 294)

That’s. Not. The. Motherfucking. Issue. You. Creep.

That’s it. I’m going for two.

Ok, look, there’s nothing wrong with a little wish fulfillment. I’ve got no problem with a girl imagining herself loved by a doting, ridiculously pretty boyfriend (or, for that matter, a guy imagining himself as sword-slinging badass). If they enjoy it, I’m not one to argue. But I draw a line when wish fulfillment begins to romanticize abusive behavior. And that’s precisely what Twilight is doing. It idolizes a relationship where the girl is so desperate for the guy’s attention that she’ll accept borderline abuse as “_flattering_”. Of course, In Stephenie Meyer’s fantasy, there are no truly harmful consequences because Edward is cast as a paragon of chaste virtue. But in real life, this relationship dynamic often allows bullying, emotional manipulation, and even sexual assault to be tolerated because the girl’s self-worth is entirely dependent on her guy paying attention to her. In her mind, even mild-to-severe abuse is preferable to being discarded or ignored.

Bella practically embodies this self-effacing dependency. Every time she describes Edward’s godlike beauty, the message is clear, whether implied or explicitly stated, that she is unworthy, worthless, because she isn’t freakishly pretty. And so, Edward is just that pretty (and therefore superior), he can do whatever he wants. Even after being called out (kinda) on his stalking, he is unrepentant, and Bella will never lift a finger because she doesn’t consider herself worthy of his attention in the first place. As far as she is concerned, she doesn’t even have the right to seriously protest.

What’s sad is that so many women connect with this… I am losing faith in humanity.

Thankfully, this whole train of thought is left hanging when Charlie arrives at the house. Edward disappears, leaving Bella to eat dinner with her father. Charlie notices how high-strung his daughter looks, and asks about the dance (you know, the girl’s choice dance that every guy in school asked her to, and that the trip to Seattle was devised to help her avoid). Bella says that she isn’t going, but Charlie is still a little suspicious, and asks about her about boys.

“None of the boys in town your type, eh?” He was suspicious, but trying to play it cool.

How incredibly perceptive of you, Bella.

“No, none of the boys have caught my eye yet.” I was careful not to over-emphasize the word boys in my quest to be truthful to Charlie.

“I thought that maybe Mike Newton… you said he was friendly.”

“He’s just a friend, Dad” (p. 296)

What the hell… is he Mike Newton’s agent? And has Bella ever been truthful to Charlie… ever? Ah well, it doesn’t matter. Shortly thereafter, the conversation ends and Bella goes to bed early, worried that Charlie will check on her in the middle of the night to be sure that she’s not sneaking out.

Once in her room, she flings open her window to let Edward in. Edward, as it turns out, was already inside (not like that, you perv) and appears on her bed, wearing a smug smile for having startled her.

“I’m sorry.” He pressed his lips together, trying to hide his ammusement.

“Just give me a moment to restart my heart.”

He sat up slowly, so as not to startle me again. Then he leaned forward and reached out with his long arms to pick me up, gripping the tops of my arms like I was a toddler. He sat me on the bed beside him. (p. 297)

A real class act, this Edward. And what is it with this girl and heart attacks? Death has been slacking off…

The coming scene is long, involved, and mostly talking. I’m going to be a little hesitant calling out instances of fluffy, romantic conversation because, frankly, if you took the trouble to record any of the conversations my girlfriend and I have in private, we’d probably sound pretty ridiculous also. That’s why we have them in private. My point is, everyone’s experience in this area is different, and one person’s “shamefully over the top” may be another person’s “completely normal”. So I’m going to be a bit reserved in what I comment on.

That being said, it’s pretty shamefully over the top, considering that they’ve been going out for… a week, maybe? And have only known each other for a few months longer.

Oh, and Bella takes a page-long break to shower, brush her teeth, and put on comfortable clothes. But that’s not important.

Once she returns, they begin whispering sweet nothings and there’s more chaste touching, which mostly involves Bella sitting stock still, heart aflutter, while Edward brings his lips to the hollow beneath her ear and traces her collarbone with his fingers and… ok, I think this is pushing “chaste” a little far. Which is odd, considering how very prudish he was about physical contact that afternoon. Indeed, Bella wonders why physical intimacy is suddenly so effortless for him.

I felt the tremor of his breath on the back of his neck as he laughed. “Mind over matter.” (p. 300)

Uh… ok? I mean, is that all? I think a little more explanation is in order.

“It’s not easy,” he sighed. “But this afternoon I was still… undecided. I am sorry about that, it was unforgivable for me to behave so.”

“Not unforgiveable,” I disagreed.

“Thank you.” He smiled. “You see,” he continue, looking down, “I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough…” He picked up one of my hands and pressed it lightly to his face. “And while there was still a possibility that I might be… overcome”— he breathed in the scent at my writst— “I was… sucsptible. Until I decided that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility that I would… that I ever could…”

I’d never seen him struggle so hard for words. It was so… human. (p. 301)

Ugh, what an ugly block of text. It’s a criminal overuse of ellipses, for one thing. And why exactly is he sniffing her wrists while he says this? I mean, it just seems like a random thing to do… Oh, hell with it. The point isn’t to make sense; it’s to make the target demographic squee.

Of course, after this he reminds us in a pained whisper that it’s really not easy for him to be there and that Bella is still in danger. But really, if anybody still takes this guy seriously…

There are a few more paragraphs of sweet nothings, with lines like “Isn’t it supposed to be like this? The glory of first love and all that.” And then, Edward talks about the feeling of jealousy, brought on by his newfound love. Stand back, my friends, this ain’t gonna be pretty.

He grimaced. “Do you remember the day Mike asked you to the dance?”

I nodded, though I remembered that day for a different reason. “The day you started talking to me again.”

“I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt— I didn’t— I didn’t recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I I couldn’t know what your were thinking, why you refused him. Was it for your friend’s sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care. (p. 303)

Ok, so why do you care so much? I mean, even if we accept that this girl with the unreadable mind is so damn speshul, it was just a high school dance. Guys get turned down all the time, and girls often go to with platonic friends. Edward’s probably seen a couple hundred of them. It’s not like the boys were proposing marriage. I mean, just seems like he’s overreacting a little. He doen’t need to start stalking her or anything…

“That was the first night I came here. (p. 303)”

Anyway, as it turns out, that before he had been torturing himself trying to figure out how Bella felt about him, until he heard her moan his name in her sleep. Then, it was clear that he could ignore her no longer.

This is not how relationships are supposed to work… We were talking about jealousy, weren’t we?

“But jealousy… it’s a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton… (p. 304)”

Wait… what?

Mike Newton is vile? Of all the arrogant, insufferable… just… Were the hell did that come from? I don’t understand. I mean, Mike might be a little dim in the “picking up hints“ department, but he’s never been mean to Bella or tried to take advantage of her. And now he’s being called “vile” by a cannibalistic, 109-year-old stalker of teenage girls?

I don’t even have a funny picture for this. I mean, it this supposed to be romantic? Because all I can see is Edward is being, a conceited, judgmental ass.

They go on to talk about how Bella is jealous of Rosalie’s divine beauty (since she was initially intended to be Edward’s companion). In response Edward assures our protagonist that she is the only girl that he could ever dream of being with.

“Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her own way, but even if she wasn’t like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn’t belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundreth of the attraction you hold for me.” He was serious now, thoughtful. “For almost ninety years I’ve walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding it, because you weren’t alive yet.”

See, I don’t care who you are or what your experience is, this is over the top. It’s the kind of thing that just can’t be said honestly, because you have to believe that Edward has been alive for ninety years without experiencing emotions that most twelve-year-olds have stumbled upon. And then you have to believe that he found stronger emotions than most people ever experience in our pitiful excuse for a protagonist.

Though I must give credit where it is due. Yes, Meyer wrote a Mary Sue who receives impossible levels of devotion from somebody who, even in a universe contrived to pair him with the protagonist, should really know better. And though it is bullshit beyond any doubt, Meyer has made her bullshit remarkably easy to swallow. Believe me, this is no trivial accomplishment.

I think it works because Meyer, at some fundamental level, understood what her audience cared about. At the beginning, Edward was a mystery. He was unusually pretty, part of an aloof group of siblings who miss school, and unlike every other boy in the school, he seemed to hate Bella. Gradually, as we learn about him, his actions take on new significance, but are never fully explained until the big revelation. Meyer simply recognized that the biggest, most meaningful revelation was not that Edward is a vampire, that he’s a telepath, or anything like this. These are the first secrets to be disclosed. In this one case, the author was intelligent enough to keep Bella ignorant of Edward’s most important secret long enough to give it credibility. So when Edward reveals his True Love ™, we believe him. We have no choice. Meyer made Edward’s feelings the centerpiece of the puzzle that the reader has been putting together for the past 300 pages. By this point we have swallowed vampirism, telepathy, vegetarianism, sparklyness, and a whole host of other fantastic explanations for Edward’s behavior. True Love ™ seems downright plausible.

Meyer understood what her audience truly cared about, and revealed it in a way that gave it the greatest possible impact. I hope that I’m able to do the same in my future writing…

….

How are you holding up, Arty?

What? Oh, it’s you. Don’t worry, I’m fine.

Are you sure? That grimace looks unhealthy.

No. I’m ok.

Your face has turned red.

I’ll manage.

And I don’t think I’ve seen a blood-vessel throb like that since I visited Hitler’s bunker.

Just give me a minute.

It must have been painful to say all of that.

Yes, but… I think I’ve got it under control. Just—

I could give you an aneurism. Your artery walls are already looking a little shopworn. One pop, and all of your problems would be over. It would be easy, painless, peaceful…

… Really?

Ha Ha Ha. No. I’m just screwing with you. You’re not scheduled for a while yet.

Then, if you don’t mind my asking, WHAT THE F&$@ ARE YOU DOING HERE!?

Your reactions. They amuse me.

You know what, I’m just going to leave it. Anyway, back to the (broadly defined) story.

Edward and Bella’s confession session is briefly interrupted by Charlie, who checks to see if she is in her room and asleep. Fortunately, Edward hears his approach and hides until he leaves. And then they go back to nuzzling, stroking, sniffing, and humming lullabies.

He stroked my wet hair softly, from the top of my heat to my waist. “You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that’s surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity… what’s that worth?”

“Very little— I don’t feel deprived of anything.” (p. 305)

That’s because you’re a sociopath, Bella. Can you say “sociopath”?

I could feel his cool breath on my neck, feel his nose sliding along my jaw, inhaling.

“I thought you were desensitized.”

“Just because I’m resisting the wine doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the bouquet,” he whispered. “You have a very floral smell, like lavender… or freesia,” he noted. “It’s mouthwatering.” (p. 306)

This line baffles me. I, just, I don’t know. I don’t see how anybody could say this with a straight face. Try it. Be sure to include a suitably dramatic pause between “lavener… or freesia”, murmur in a low, sexy voice, “It’s mouthwatering”, and finish with your most sensual glower.

And remember that Robert Pattinson’s job is to do this without choking on his own narm.

“Should I sing you to sleep?”

“Right,” I laughed. “Like I could sleep with you here!”

“You do it all the time,” he reminded me.

“But I didn’t know you were here,” I replied icily. (p. 306)

“In case you forgot, yes, I have in fact been sneaking into your bedroom every night for the past few weeks.”

Why isn’t somebody complaining about this? Why does the conversation just go on like he hadn’t admitted to a criminal offence?

Anyway, Bella doesn’t want to go to sleep, so she asks Edward a few more quetions. First, she asks why Edward doesn’t eat people, or, in her words, why he “work[s] so hard to resist what you… are“.

“You see, just because we’ve been… dealt a certain hand… it doesn’t mean that we can’t chose to rise above— to conquer the destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can.”

I lay unmoving, locked in awed silence. (p. 307)

I suppose this is Meyer’s attempt to give Bella a reason to like Edward that’s not blatantly superficial. I’ll grant you, it’s better than comparing him to a statue for the sixty-ninth time. But really, once you look past Edward’s grandiose equivocation about conquering destiny, Bella’s feelings essentially boil down to: “Oh my god, you find murder abhorrent? So do I!”

Seriously though, either the protagonist truly sees everything Edward does through sparkly, awe-colored glasses, or the author is being dishonest. Or she doesn’t know what the word “awe” means. Yes, I’m sure it’s difficult for a vampire to resist the urge to drink human blood, but you shouldn’t be awed into silence by him saying so. Yet another flimsy pretext to drool over Edward.

The second question Bella asks is about the origin of vampire powers. If you’ve heard anything about this series, then you probably know already, but Edward explains that Vampires bring into their next life the strongest traits from their human life.

“I must have been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And [we think] that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was.”

“What did he [Carlisle] bring into the next life, and the others?”

“Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her… tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness,” he chuckled. Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him[…] It’s a subtle gift. (p. 308)

Uh, wow. I guess we know who won the superpower lottery (hint: they all have penises). Though if Esme’s ability to “love passionately” means what I think it means, then Carlisle is a very lucky man. Wink wink. Nudge nudge. I’ll say no more.

The next question Bella asks concerns the origin of vampires, to which Edward responds with yet another convoluted answer about— get this— creation and evolution.

“Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn’t we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don’t believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both of our kinds together?” (p. 308)

Hoo boy…

Let me say upfront that, while I’m not religious, I have no problem with religious messages in fiction— particularly vampire stories. In Dracula, for example, the religious implications of vampirism are a major part of the story. It’s part of the setting, and Van Helsing can barely make it through a journal entry without saying “God’s will be done.” But more importantly, it casts the plight of Mina Harker in a completely different light, since once The Count forces her to drink his blood, a crucifix burns a scar on her forehead, signifying not only that her life is in danger, but that she has been cast from the grace of God. And this makes the struggle to save her truly epic.

What pisses me off is when the author tries lodge his/her own personal views on a hotbutton issue into a story where they clearly don’t belong. It’s not just that Edward is skeptical about the Theory of Evolution; after all, in a world with telepathic vampires and shape-shifting werewolves, I don’t think it’d be too far out of line to call the naturalistic worldview bunk. My issue is with his justification. If he dismissed evolution for the obvious reasons, I wouldn’t have a problem. If he dismissed it because he had strong religious feels, I wouldn’t have a problem (hell, it might have made his character somewhat interesting). But dismissing it for no reason besides a pithy statement about the world “just happening on its own” is preachy and condescending: a tactless nod to the moral guardians on an issue that bears exactly zero relevance to the story.

Moving on. The third question that Bella asks is about sex. Ok, they never actually say the word “sex,” but it’s pretty obviously implied. They’re beating around the bush a lot, and it’s kinda vague but… just… here, look at the relevant section of text.

“One more, then, tonight…” And I blushed. The darkness was no help— I’m sure he could feel the sudden warmth under my skin.

“What is it?”

“No, forget it. I changed my mine.”

“Bella, you can ask me anything.”

[here is about a half a page that I don’t feel like transcribing of Bella being stubbornly silent while Edward encourages her to speak. Eventually she gives in.]

“Well,” I began, glad that he couldn’t see my face.

“Yes?”

“You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon… Is that… marriage… the same as it is for humans?”

He laughed in earnest, understanding. “Is that what you’re getting at?” (p. 309)

Yes, Edward, that is what she is getting at. And I gotta say, for a book that allegedly promotes chastity and a protagonist who is allegedly inexperienced in all things romantic, Bella doesn’t waste time. I mean, they’ve been going out for a week(?), and she’s already bugging him about sex. I love how this question is phrased to cleverly avoid suggesting that Bella might want sex outside of marriage.

“Yes, I suppose it is much the same,” he said. “I told you, most of those human desire are there, just hidden beneath more powerful desires.

“Oh,” was all I could say.

“Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?”

“Well, I did wonder… about you and me… some day…” (p. 310)

Well, despite Bella’s sudden inability to speak, Edward picks up the general gist of what she’s asking. His reply?

“I don’t think that… that.. would be possible for us.”

Why?

“It’s just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment we’re together so that I don’t hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident […] If I was too hasty… if for one second I wasn’t paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don’t realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never afford to lose any kind of control when I’m with you.”

That’s right, girls. Men are strong and lustful, and physical intimacy will destroy you unless the man is constantly holding back. Otherwise, you may become all too familiar with the “Woman of Kleenex” problem.

Anyway, they confirm that they’re both virgins… which is important for some reason… And Edward tells Bella that his is attracted to her in “that way”. (Well, ok, he kinda implies it. If you haven’t already noticed, Edward prefers roundabout grandiosity to clear, direct speech. Which really gets annoying after a while.)

“I may not be human, but I am a man,” he assured me.

And, finally, Bella falls asleep in Edward’s arms, bringing this chapter to a merciful end. I hope you enjoyed this installment, because it’s killing me.

Hasta la vista, Baby.

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Comment

  1. Puppet on 6 July 2010, 13:16 said:

    Textile kinda screwed up the formatting, but oh well. Another great installment, Artimaeus.

  2. Artimaeus on 6 July 2010, 13:43 said:

    Ah, forgot to close one of the blockquotes. That sucks. I suppose it’s still readable.

  3. Snow White Queen on 6 July 2010, 13:44 said:

    Death makes an appearance! Great spork, Artimaeus. I don’t know how all this stuff didn’t make me cringe when I read Twilight. Maybe I cringed but read it anyway.

  4. Romantic Vampire Lover on 6 July 2010, 16:02 said:

    huggles The mere fact that you’re doing this series makes you epic, Arty. Perceptive, witty, blatantly true; loved it, as usual.

    THIS IS BULLSHIT! Is this honestly what passes for romance today?

    I KNOW, RIGHT?! I wish I could say something that would make up for the above sentence, but honestly, there’s nothing I can think of. It’s true, and it’s down right depressing.

    Well, thank you very much for this; it made my day. :D Bisous ~

  5. Danielle on 6 July 2010, 17:46 said:

    “Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn’t we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don’t believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both of our kinds together?”

    Uh….why would God create vampires? In Leviticus, he forbids the eating/ drinking of blood (human or animal) as a sort of murder. Why would he make a creature that must defy that law to live? It. Makes. No. Sense.

    Great installment, Arty. I admire your perseverance.

  6. dragonarya on 6 July 2010, 17:51 said:

    You laid it out perfectly. It’s very sad, the state of modern romance (even though I rarely read it). It almost makes me think, ‘Why should I bother? Why should I bother making my characters into people, and having them be attracted to each other emotionally and intellectually?’ I’d never stoop to that level though. :P
    Great spork, once again!

  7. SlyShy on 6 July 2010, 20:01 said:

    Fixed the formatting. :) Thanks for the article, as always.

  8. Dominique on 7 July 2010, 03:36 said:

    “See, I don’t care who you are or what your experience is, this is over the top. It’s the kind of thing that just can’t be said honestly, because you have to believe that Edward has been alive for ninety years without experiencing emotions that most twelve-year-olds have stumbled upon. And then you have to believe that he found stronger emotions than most people ever experience in our pitiful excuse for a protagonist.”

    This is probably in my top five reasons to hate Twilight. It’s bad enough that the series implies that Bella is the MOST SPESHUL HOOMAN ever, but in this chapter the book straight out says it. No human, in the hundreds Edward has met, has ever enticed him like Bella. No other person has ever been as intelligent, kind, or perfectly in sync with Edward. No other person has ever been as beautiful or smelled as good. No, no, no, there has never been a single other human in the entire century Edward has been alive that was even remotely as wonderful as Bella.

    Yeah, I doubt that. Although “soul-mates chosen by God” is a big part of the Mormon faith, of which Meyer is a member, that idea loses all credibility with Meyer’s sheer gall. She doesn’t present Bella as Edward’s soul-mate, regardless of her flaws. It’s not like Edward says, “even though I’ve met many women who were more beautiful, intelligent, or kind, I love you.”

    No, Bella is presented as objectively more attractive than the faceless hordes Edward has encountered. She isn’t simply his soul-mate, warts and all; she’s presented as just that much better than everyone else, to the point that every damn male wants in her pants and every girl absolutely adores her. This is complete absurdity that I cannot condone.

  9. fffan on 7 July 2010, 09:04 said:

    @ Domonique,
    Not only that, but out of every peron Edward has ever met – every single person over eight hundred and ten years – not one has been able to block his mind attacks. I don’t see what’s so Speshul about Bella’s mind. She left brained at best.

    Well actually, she does think a little strangely. She considers stalking flattering.

  10. bobtheenchantedone on 7 July 2010, 16:32 said:

    “Although “soul-mates chosen by God” is a big part of the Mormon faith…”

    Teensy correction. Mormon culture, not Mormon faith. Which means that many Mormons (in Utah, mostly) will tell you it is doctrine, and will often pull out some quote by “I don’t remember who said it, but I know it was a General Authority,” but the rest of us roll our eyes and shake our heads at this idea.

    On topic: Thank you for giving me so much ammo in my next fight with a Twilight fan.

  11. Artimaeus on 7 July 2010, 18:27 said:

    No, Bella is presented as objectively more attractive than the faceless hordes Edward has encountered.

    It’t not even that. Bella is treated like she is objectively more attractive, without any good reason to believe that she is.

    Mormon culture, not Mormon faith.

    Either way, it would explain a lot. I’m glad I’m not covering imprinting…

    On topic: Thank you for giving me so much ammo in my next fight with a Twilight fan.

    It’s what I’m here for. :)

  12. Nate Winchester on 8 July 2010, 10:37 said:

    Twilight has 24 chapters, meaning that, as of the last article, we’re officially half way through. Meaning that there’s about as much wankery in front of us as there is behind us.

    The title calls this chapter 14. Meaning previous article should be chapter 13. 24 divided in half is 12. There’s less in front of us than behind.

    What’s sad is that so many women connect with this… I am losing faith in humanity.

    Welcome to the club.
    I wonder how much of this is related to father issues. I bet you could get an entertaining study of how many fans of this book have problems with their dads and who doesn’t. After all, there is some comfort to knowing someone is watching over you as you sleep. But that’s more the job of your pappa or husband, not the stranger you just met.

    What the hell… is he Mike Newton’s agent?

    Hey, it’s a choice between him or Edward…

    Shortly thereafter, the conversation ends and Bella goes to bed early, worried that Charlie will check on her in the middle of the night to be sure that she’s not sneaking out.

    Double standard! It stings!

    ok, I think this is pushing “chaste” a little far.

    Yes it is. Thank you.

    And why exactly is he sniffing her wrists while he says this? I mean, it just seems like a random thing to do…

    That I can understand. Think about the wrists. Veins… blood… pulse…

    Guys get turned down all the time, and girls often go to with platonic friends.

    At that age, I could understand a guy being upset, everything’s the end of the world at that point and time. But this is Edward. He should be smarter than that by now.

    It’s the kind of thing that just can’t be said honestly, because you have to believe that Edward has been alive for ninety years without experiencing emotions that most twelve-year-olds have stumbled upon. And then you have to believe that he found stronger emotions than most people ever experience in our pitiful excuse for a protagonist.

    Once again I say this COULD be a legitimate point since Edward can read minds (mystery is a big part of romance so for him, nobody has any mystery, thus…) but it’s just executed so poorly!

    Ha Ha Ha. No. I’m just screwing with you. You’re not scheduled for a while yet.

    Arti, you better not let anything happen to you for awhile, otherwise this sentence takes on new creepy layers of horror.

    I lay unmoving, locked in awed silence.

    …That sentence makes no damn sense.

    Uh, wow. I guess we know who won the superpower lottery (hint: they all have penises)

    Nope, sorry, I’m calling you on this one Arti. Precognition is definitely at the top of the lottery, right up there with mind reading. Plus, Carlisle’s “compassion” is dorky enough to mitigate the others.
    Now Rosalie could be interesting if her power means she’s even harder to kill than other meyerpires…

    That’s right, girls. Men are strong and lustful, and physical intimacy will destroy you unless the man is constantly holding back.

    Again, this time I disagree. I mean, from everything we know about in context with this story, the facts mentioned by Edward are 100% true. Yet somehow this is supposed to apply to all men? Where does this whole “generalization” bit come in? Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar people!

    Uh….why would God create vampires? In Leviticus, he forbids the eating/ drinking of blood (human or animal) as a sort of murder. Why would he make a creature that must defy that law to live? It. Makes. No. Sense.

    I’d just like to say… I was pretty proud of my explanation for vampires. I still remember that “author euphoria” I got when the pieces all suddenly clicked in my mind.

    No other person has ever been as beautiful or smelled as good.

    Yeah, it would have been interesting if Bella had been just a little flawed like… didn’t smell great.

  13. Artimaeus on 8 July 2010, 13:09 said:

    Nope, sorry, I’m calling you on this one Arti. Precognition is definitely at the top of the lottery, right up there with mind reading. Plus, Carlisle’s “compassion” is dorky enough to mitigate the others. Now Rosalie could be interesting if her power means she’s even harder to kill than other meyerpires…

    I suppose, but there is a valid point to be made. While Alice’s precognition isn’t a trivial power, it’s also unreliable, changing each time somebody makes a decision. Compared to super strength, the ability to manipulate emotions, and mind reading… It’s a bit subjective how you evaluate powers, but I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to call gender bias here.

    Again, this time I disagree. I mean, from everything we know about in context with this story, the facts mentioned by Edward are 100% true. Yet somehow this is supposed to apply to all men? Where does this whole “generalization” bit come in? Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar people!

    Ah, yes, I could have been clearer on that point. I mean, I don’t think Stephenie Meyer was trying to imply that sex puts the woman literally in physical danger. But Edward’s struggle is clearly meant to represent the struggle that honorable men supposedly face in courtship. The way that Meyer presents Edward’ struggle brings up a whole host of unfortuate implications about love and relationship dynamics. That’s the angle that I’m coming from when I make generalizations like this. Part of the reason why Twilight was so successful is because it spoke to very real (if horribly sexist) aspects of a girl’s experience. In this case, it was the notion that giving in to desire, even if the desire is mutual and sincere, damages the woman emotionally and/or spiritually.

  14. Nate Winchester on 8 July 2010, 15:25 said:

    I suppose, but there is a valid point to be made. While Alice’s precognition isn’t a trivial power, it’s also unreliable, changing each time somebody makes a decision.

    Well that’s probably related to Meyer’s opinions on freewill/destiny.

    Compared to super strength, the ability to manipulate emotions, and mind reading… It’s a bit subjective how you evaluate powers, but I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to call gender bias here.

    Like I said, I think “super compassion” kind of weighs the bias down though.

    Actually I think the way they put it, Alice’s precognition is not that much different from Edward’s mind reading in terms of end result. (i.e. in combat both would know what you’re going to do before you do it)

    Finally, I still say Rosalie is extra durable (like Emmett’s extra strength) for a meyerpire, which would balance things out, no? XD

  15. Dominique on 8 July 2010, 20:49 said:

    “Finally, I still say Rosalie is extra durable (like Emmett’s extra strength) for a meyerpire, which would balance things out, no? XD”

    Except this is never touched upon in the series, as far as I know. Rosalie is never in a situation where “perseverance” or hardiness would be useful. In fact, the only time she’s ever in an actual fight is when she’s in a group of vampires against one vampire, or she’s up against a bunch of freaked-out humans.

    I don’t disagree that if this is/was true, it’d be awesome and help to alleviate the bias, but it’s not ever presented as such. It’s all well and good to say a character has some quality or skill, but unless we see that it’s just hot air. Show and don’t tell, and all.

    (Totally off-topic, but how do I do the awesome box quotes?)

  16. Nate Winchester on 8 July 2010, 21:30 said:

    I don’t disagree that if this is/was true, it’d be awesome and help to alleviate the bias, but it’s not ever presented as such. It’s all well and good to say a character has some quality or skill, but unless we see that it’s just hot air. Show and don’t tell, and all.

    Yeah but telling and not showing is ALL of Twilight so let’s use it in our favor for once! XD

    (Totally off-topic, but how do I do the awesome box quotes?)

    Put “bq. “ (including space) in front of what you want to quote.

  17. Artimaeus on 9 July 2010, 06:59 said:

    Eh, I wasn’t saying that all guys get superfantasitc powers. I’m saying that only guys get superfantastic powers. Alice might be an exception, but she usually doesn’t know what people are going to do before they do them because all she gets are random, easily misread images. For example, she knew that James would end up in a dance studio, but she had no idea what circumstances surrounded it. In New Moon, she saw that Bella had leapt off a cliff, but couldn’t see that she survived. If Rosalie’s “tenacity” has any sort of practical application, it hasn’t surfaced in the material I’ve read. And it probably means something more like “stubbornness” or “perseverance” than physical endurance.

    Yeah but telling and not showing is ALL of Twilight so let’s use it in our favor for once! XD

    XD Hey, what kind of critic would I be if I gave artists the benefit of the doubt?

  18. Nate Winchester on 9 July 2010, 09:05 said:

    I’m saying that only guys get superfantastic powers. Alice might be an exception, but she usually doesn’t know what people are going to do before they do them because all she gets are random, easily misread images.

    And yet her visions are useful for gaming the stock market. Inconsistent rules I sense nearby…

    Also, I don’t think they’re ‘easily misread’ as much as… what’s the word… Alice is an idiot.

    For example, she knew that James would end up in a dance studio, but she had no idea what circumstances surrounded it.

    Do you even need more than that?
    Known: James is hunting Bella.
    Known: You and Bella are in a city.
    Known: You have a vision of James in location in city (that Bella recognizes)
    Conclusion? GET BELLA OUT OF THE CITY.
    Or how about: GO TO LOCATION AND TRAP JAMES.

    In New Moon, she saw that Bella had leapt off a cliff, but couldn’t see that she survived.

    Supposedly because she can’t see wolves the movie said. Which makes even less sense. Bella’s immune to Ed but not Alice? Wolves are immune to Alice but not Ed? Forget who won the power lottery, I think it’s a case of who won the plot lottery.

    If Rosalie’s “tenacity” has any sort of practical application, it hasn’t surfaced in the material I’ve read. And it probably means something more like “stubbornness” or “perseverance” than physical endurance.

    Duh, that’s why I said let’s just make up what it means since we never see it. Be a slave to the book no longer!

    Of course, all this is also ignoring people & powers we later see in the series. (cough – bella’s super shield)

    XD Hey, what kind of critic would I be if I gave artists the benefit of the doubt?

    I didn’t say you had to do that. I said let’s start making the book we want. XD

  19. Dominique on 9 July 2010, 14:17 said:

    I didn’t say you had to do that. I said let’s start making the book we want. XD

    Oh, oh, oh! If we’re rewriting Twilight, here’s what I’d do.

    You already know how I feel, of course,” I finally said. “I’m here . . . which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you.” Without answering my declaration, Edward turned away from me for a moment, as if struggling within himself.

    Suddenly, faster than I could see, Edward lunged at my throat. I felt him ripping into me as if I were tissue paper, and I then knew I would die there in the meadow. A fleeting pity for my parents crossed my mind as I fell deeper into death. Still, my last thought was of how glad I was that Edward would use my body as sustenance; I would help him with my dying breath. Together in death indeed!

    And then Ghost-Bella spends the rest of the book wondering why everyone looks so happy and relieved now that she’s gone.

  20. Nate Winchester on 9 July 2010, 15:38 said:

    That’s the spirit!

  21. Steph (what is left) on 10 July 2010, 02:50 said:

    “You see, just because we’ve been… dealt a certain hand… it doesn’t mean that we can’t chose to rise above— to conquer the destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can.”
    I lay unmoving, locked in awed silence. (p. 307)
    I suppose this is Meyer’s attempt to give Bella a reason to like Edward that’s not blatantly superficial. I’ll grant you, it’s better than comparing him to a statue for the sixty-ninth time. But really, once you look past Edward’s grandiose equivocation about conquering destiny, Bella’s feelings essentially boil down to: “Oh my —-, you find murder abhorrent? So do I!”

    I have to disagree. I have always found the idea of trying to rise above circumstances and doing the best you can with what you’ve got to be quite noble. It’s one of the only sparks of decency Edward shows.

    And I gotta say, for a book that allegedly promotes chastity and a protagonist who is allegedly inexperienced in all things romantic, Bella doesn’t waste time.

    This has always annoyed me. I don’t get why people say that Twilight promotes abstinence, because the main character is constantly up for it. While Edward is kinda portrayed as being the right, better-thinking one for not wanting sex before marriage, in Breaking Dawn, just before they get married, he does an about face and suggests that they have sex in the meadow they’re currently sitting/fondling in because Bella’s only getting married to please him. If anything, Twilight hails the “triumph of carnal lusts” and going back on standards you previously held yourself to!

  22. Steph (what is left) on 10 July 2010, 07:14 said:

    Oh, sorry about the double post, I just found a quote from Meyer (on Cracked, no less) that kind of illustrates what I was saying in the first half of my previous post.

    “They ended up being vampires in the way they are because I have strong opinions on free will. No matter what position you’re in, you always have a choice. So I had these characters who were in a position where traditionally they would have been the bad guys, but, instead, they chose to be something different-a theme that has always been important to me.”

    found at: http://www.cracked.com/funny-36-twilight/#ixzz0tHEFsn90

  23. Artimaeus on 10 July 2010, 11:49 said:

    I have to disagree. I have always found the idea of trying to rise above circumstances and doing the best you can with what you’ve got to be quite noble. It’s one of the only sparks of decency Edward shows.

    No doubt. However, if the only spark of decency Edward has is his reluctance to murder people, that doesn’t say much for his character. I mean, Bella asks why Edward fights his nature, who he is. In my mind, the answer should be so obvious that you hardly need ask: murder is wrong. But instead of simply saying this, Edward makes an abstract, roundabout speech about “conquering destiny” and “retaining essential humanity” and Bella’s response is nothing short of reverent awe. Edward’s struggle against his nature is admirable, no doubt, but I feel Meyer overstates it a lot, just so Bella can drool.

  24. Steph (what is left) on 16 July 2010, 01:02 said:

    I mean, Bella asks why Edward fights his nature, who he is. In my mind, the answer should be so obvious that you hardly need ask: murder is wrong.

    There’s a different slant to his dilemma than that—the whole exact essence of what he literally, blatantly says: “To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can.”

    It’s not just about murder being wrong. It’s about the implications and repercussions of murder when you’re a vampire, and how far it goes towards contributing to your becoming a monster mentally, to match the physical characteristics (of Meyer’s vampires, anyway).

    Edward makes no mention of murder being wrong; it’s not an issue here. It’s less about murder than it is about how it affects your mind/soul/spirit/humanity/whatever, what evils it does to your heart, and so on. Unfortunately, Meyer gets it wrong again, as the idea of the sanctity of human life is shoved aside for reasons that don’t involve taking another’s life, but rather preserving his own quality of life.

    Although the theme in the abstract is worthy, by virtue of the context it’s put in, it’s a more selfish viewpoint than it seems, although unintended. Edward could quite easily have included both ideas in his speech, or just said that murder was wrong and left it at that. But instead Meyer focuses on how it will affect him, another, although more subtle, case of the rampant selfishness evident in Twilight. (In this instance, at least; I’m sure she’s focussed on how he stopped because murder was wrong somewhere. If not, I may have to take back what I said about sparks of decency.)

    This is not a case of Edward looking noble and Bella drooling over him to show how perfect he is. This is a case of Edward looking noble and Bella drooling over him to show the worthiness of the theme that Meyer is trying to portray. She just went about it in a horribly wrong way.

    The thing that gets me is that with time, experience, and a whole lotta editing, Twilight could have been so good! And instead we have this, a mess of half-formed, terribly-portrayed ideas and an epic love that is in no way deserving of the either of the descriptions ‘epic’ or ‘love’.

  25. Lafilleenragée on 16 July 2010, 12:35 said:

    I seriously loved this.
    PLEASE WRITE SOME MORE.

  26. Dominique on 18 July 2010, 03:05 said:

    Edward makes no mention of murder being wrong; it’s not an issue here. It’s less about murder than it is about how it affects your mind/soul/spirit/humanity/whatever, what evils it does to your heart, and so on. Unfortunately, Meyer gets it wrong again, as the idea of the sanctity of human life is shoved aside for reasons that don’t involve taking another’s life, but rather preserving his own quality of life.

    Yeah, that theme in the books is annoying as hell. The Cullens-Hales don’t not eat humans because it’s wrong, they don’t eat humans because it would make them feel bad. On the other hand, they see absolutely nothing wrong with permitting James and Co. in the first book to eat humans (except sparkly snowflake Bella, of course), loaning their cars to the human-eating friends in the second book so they can widen their feeding area, or feeding their hellspawn grandchild/niece in the fourth book human blood from a blood bank.

    The whole series boils down to “eating humans is not wrong because it’s generally accepted as evil or because killing a sentient being warps the idea of who or what deserves life. No, eating humans is wrong because it negatively affects us, and that’s all that matters. “

    The thing that gets me is that with time, experience, and a whole lotta editing, Twilight could have been so good! And instead we have this, a mess of half-formed, terribly-portrayed ideas and an epic love that is in no way deserving of the either of the descriptions ‘epic’ or ‘love’.

    I think this is why the series annoys me so. If it was better written, not racially/sexually offensive, or even just properly edited/researched, I’d love Twilight. I like forbidden romance, I love gothic literature, and I’m a sucker for happy endings. Unfortunately for those of us who are not distracted by (literally) shiny things, all that potential is wasted on an egotistical hack who’s only claim to fame is that she has the mentality of a tween girl and the narcissism (and writing skill) to match.

  27. Artimaeus on 18 July 2010, 17:51 said:

    I could excuse the Cullen’s toleration for the other vampires as pragmatism, since it wouldn’t be plausible for them to kill every other vampire that crossed their path. But I agree that their attitude towards killing is incredibly selfish. They abstain from murder, not out of regard for their victims, but because they don’t want the emotional/spiritual baggage.

    In this instance, at least; I’m sure she’s focussed on how he stopped because murder was wrong somewhere. If not, I may have to take back what I said about sparks of decency.

    There are elements of this, I think. Like, in the next chapter, when Edward talks about his brief “rebellious adolescence” he mentions the reason that he came back to Carlisle was the “cost of human life” (or something like that). A large part of the problem, however, is the way Bella treats the issue, saying it was reasonable for Edward to experiment with killing people.

    Meyer needed a reason for Edward’s reluctance to turn Bella into a vampire. If his character refused to hunt humans because he values human life, his motive for keeping Bella human would involve him not wanting another bloodthirsty superhuman menacing mankind. This would, of course, require that he have concern for people who aren’t Bella (which is unacceptable), so Meyer instead crafted a moral scheme where “retaining humanity” is more important than respecting others.

    The thing that gets me is that with time, experience, and a whole lotta editing, Twilight could have been so good! And instead we have this, a mess of half-formed, terribly-portrayed ideas and an epic love that is in no way deserving of the either of the descriptions ‘epic’ or ‘love’.

    I know, right? Despite everything, I’ll say that Meyer does address some powerful themes in an interesting way. If only the author knew what she was doing.

  28. Dominique on 19 July 2010, 02:40 said:

    I could excuse the Cullen’s toleration for the other vampires as pragmatism, since it wouldn’t be plausible for them to kill every other vampire that crossed their path. But I agree that their attitude towards killing is incredibly selfish. They abstain from murder, not out of regard for their victims, but because they don’t want the emotional/spiritual baggage.

    I’ll concede that trying to eliminate every other vampire would be impossible foolishness. Therefore, the first book’s wary “Hey, do what you have to” towards James does makes sense. The thing is, as you’ve said, it’s not like they don’t try to stop other vampires because it would be suicide. The fact of the matter is that they simply don’t care about humans unless they are personally invested in them.

    Every single “good” vampire—and werewolf who knows her—is willing to die for Bella (and later Nessie), because she positively affects Edward. Even Rosalie, who hates Bella, deigns to help protect her because Bella makes Edward happy. However, the concept of being so self-sacrificing for anyone else is dismissed. Like I mentioned, in the third book they even loan their cars to their friends, the Denali Coven I believe, who eat humans.

    In this case, they very well could have said, “Hey, we know you eat humans, but could you tone it down for a bit while you’re visiting?” because their friends would conceivably adhere to their wishes. Instead, the Cullens give them a means to kill farther and with less discretion, since The Denali Coven won’t be killing in the Cullens’ town. The two covens are said to be staunch friends, so it’s not unbelievable that the Cullens could have at least tried, but it never crosses their minds.

    Then, in the last book, they feed Nessie human blood from a blood bank. I personally don’t adhere to the idea that the blood is old blood and thus it’s all right to take it (because it would be thrown out anyway), since blood past its date wouldn’t have the nutrients the vampires need. Therefore, besides the moral implications of stealing someone else’s blood to feed your hell spawn (who can survive on an alternative food source), it just shows further how little the Cullens actually care about humans.

    There are eight adult vampires in the family versus one half-human; tell the kid to deal with it! Feed her animal blood from the get-go. Instead, they only stop feeding her from the blood bank because it’s hard to get enough blood. Once again, they only do the right thing because it negatively impacts them to do the opposite.

    So, in the end, any good performed by the characters is severely overshadowed by the selfish reasons they do it. Yes, doing good for a selfish reason is better than doing bad, but doing it for a selfish reason and then being a smug ass about it makes you a tool. Edward’s a jerk, and Meyer’s heavy-handed attempts to moralize his actions are asinine and weak.

    Blarg, I want to read the next part! It’s so refreshing to critically discuss Twilight without fear of repercussions based solely on the fact that I don’t like it. I get tired of defending my opinions on more general sites.

  29. Steph (what is left) on 20 July 2010, 00:16 said:

    Also: Carlisle is stealing blood that might be needed for transfusions and stuff. What kind of monster is he?!?

    I’m also fairly sure that the vampires the Cullens lend their cars to are Peter and Charlotte in Midnight Sun.

    @ Artimaeus:

    “In this instance, at least; I’m sure she’s focussed on how he stopped because murder was wrong somewhere. If not, I may have to take back what I said about sparks of decency.”

    There are elements of this, I think. Like, in the next chapter, when Edward talks about his brief “rebellious adolescence” he mentions the reason that he came back to Carlisle was the “cost of human life” (or something like that).

    But was the ‘cost of human life’ the lives that were snuffed out, or the effect such accumulated killing had on Edward’s psyche in the end? The way it’s phrased, I’d say it was the latter. Not that I’m 100% sure.