Eragon manages to turn a compelling moral dilemma, whether Murtagh still has good in him, into a boring, unrealistic, and uncompelling moral dilemma.

Also, Saphira is a psychopath.

Cruel and deceitful as they may be, but I am impressed that the Ra’zac can bewitch their prey into wanting to be eaten. They are great hunters to do that. . . . Perhaps attempt it someday. But not, Eragon felt compelled to add, with people. Try it with sheep instead. People, sheep: what difference is there to a dragon?“ (p. 11)

Description of how Eragon is now using a staff instead of a sword to fight, because he can’t stand not having the feel of Zar’roc. This description is unnecessarily long, like the book. It’s lucky for Eragon he will receive a sword from the Vault of Souls ala Arthurian legend, then.

Oh yeah. And Hrothgar dies. Except that Eragon doesn’t care. And neither do we, because none of the characters form an emotional bond with us.

Eragon has a fit when he remembers Murtagh stole Zar’roc from him. Saphira has to comfort him, like some sort of little kid.

Gigantic flashback to the far preparations in the Varden, and how Eragon ended up on his expedition.

They display extreme paranoia at random noises.

Eragon and Roran reflect back on how they’ve had to kill lots of people. Instead of ever wondering whether a path of such bloodshed was a mistake, they just complain how annoying it is having blood on their hands. Conspicuously missing from the moral discussion here is doubt. They never ever doubt that they are on the right track, and doing the right thing. They just think that doing the right thing is difficult. And you know what? They are completely right, they are following the Great Plot Line, so of course they are in the right. Then Saphira has to spout her “wise” advice, which is stupid if you ever stop to think about it.

“Rising to his feet, Eragon walked to their saddlebags and retrieved the small earthenware jar Orik had give him before they parted, the poured two large mouthfuls of raspberry mead down his gullet. Warmth bloomed in his stomach. Grimacing, Eragon passed the jar to Roran, who also partook of the concoction.” (p. 19)

Couldn’t he have just said “Drank two large mouthfuls”? What he says isn’t even anatomically correct.

“Several drinks later, when the mead has succeeded in tempering his black mood” (p. 19)

Remember kids, use alcohol to deal with your emotional problems.

“The problem is, even though I can devise numerous spells to perform this one action, blocking those spells might require but a single counter spell might require but a single counterspell. If you prevent the action itself from taking place, then you don’t have to tailor your counterspell to address the unique properties of each individual spell.”

Now you might wonder, why is this important? So does Roran,

““I still don’t understand what this has to do with tomorrow.”
I do, said Saphira to both of them. She had immediately grasped the implications. It means that, over the past century, Galbatorix
“—may have placed wards around the Ra’zac—”
that will protect them against
“—a whole range of spells. I probably won’t—”
be able to kill them with any
“—of the words of death I was taught, nor any—”
attacks that we can invent now or then. We may
“—have to rely—” (p. 19)

What is wrong here? Besides that the dialogue is stupid, a lot. CP has written a magic system which grants effectively infinite power to any trained magic system. It is amazing he managed to write himself into this hole, when his magic system is plundered from those of so many others. What CP now realizes is that, for his stories to even continue (and not end in a Eragon God-esque magic being conquering the world) he has to write in all these stupid exceptions, and effectively reinvent his magic system again.

Now, time for Eragon to explain to Roran how to defend against magic.

““Choose something—a sound, an image, an emotion, anything—and let is swell within your mind until it blots out any other thoughts.” “That’s all?”“ (p. 23)

That’s all indeed. This is awfully reminiscent of the way you ward off Dementors in Harry Potter. Fun stuff.

Stupid digression to explain the meaning of true love, as it relates to Roran and Katrina. Give me a break. And then comes the disgusting admissions of love for Arya. Oh my. They still aren’t finished. They will talk about Paolini’s ignorant ideas of love for two entire pages. I say ignorant, because he is 25 and still lives with his parents. All of his females characters make it evident he doesn’t interact with the opposite sex often. Oops, no, four pages. Dawwww, Eragon can’t marry a mortal woman. The life spans and what not. This concept has been explored in much greater depth and interest by other authors. Of all people R. A. Salvadore tackles the idea better in his Drizzt Do’Urden series, with the tension between Drizzt and Catti’brie. Again, awfully similar. For shame.

Now, in a startling display of homo-eroticism between a boy and his cousin, Eragon and Roran strip out of their clothes to compare their bruises. No joke. Also, some of the most unrealistic male bonding dialogue ever. CP hasn’t done much of that either, it would seem.

“He removed both his boots, then stood and dropped his trousers” (p. 30)

Now Eragon notices just what bad shape his cousin is in, and uses his Deus Ex Machina ® certified magic to heal him. In gratitude, Roran taunts Eragon about his vegetarianism, tempting him with juicy meat. Nice.

More not so subtle hints that Murtagh might be in Helgrind.

“Comforted, Eragon gzed into the void between the stars and slowed his breathing as he drifted into the trance that had replaced sleep for him. He remained conscious of his surroundings, but against the backdrop of the white constellations, the figures of his waking dream strode forth and performed confused and shadowy plays, as was their wont.” (p. 35)

Another one of CP signatures descriptions of rest. These hail all the way back to Eragon. Verbose, pointless. He could just say “Eragon went into a sleepless rest, and dreamt.” Or something.

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Comment

  1. jayesh on 20 September 2008, 07:57 said:

    “ Verbose, pointless. He could just say “Eragon went into a sleepless rest, and dreamt.” Or something. “

    dude you should write a book yourself in that case. oh and hopefully it’ll sell a million or more copies like the first 2 inheritance books did.

  2. Archaos on 20 September 2008, 08:48 said:

    Jayesh, that’s such a stupid and overused argument, and it doesn’t even work. You don’t need to be a chef to know when the food’s cooked bad. You don’t need to be a sports player to know when somebody plays badly in a game. And most of all, you don’t need to be an author to know when a book’s written badly. So get a clue.

  3. jayesh on 20 September 2008, 09:10 said:

    it isnt a stupid arguement. all this guy seems to dish out is criticism at practically every line in the book. i mean it cant be as bad as he claims it is considering the first books were big sellers. and come on. not a lot of people would appreciate a book that said “eragon drank mead. it dampened his temper. he the went to sleep, etc etc.” you people havent got a tad of creativity in yourselves and so you dont want to see it anywhere else.

  4. Lauralot on 20 September 2008, 09:50 said:

    Except that it’s not creative. It’s the same trite, poorly written glurge that Paolini’s cranked out over the last two books, and the reason he was a best seller is because marketers used his age as a gimmick. We’re allowed to have opinions, and just because they’re bestsellers doesn’t make them good. Just look at “Naked Came The Stranger,” a book made to prove you could get a horribly written story on the bestseller list. It worked like a charm.

  5. Kitty on 20 September 2008, 13:10 said:

    That argument might just be older than dirt. “It’s a bestseller, how could it be bad?” It didn’t get on the bestseller list by virtue of his good storytelling; Paolini’s books got on the bestseller lists because he wrote them when he was supposedly a 15-year-old freshly-graduated child prodigy.

    Please do your homework first. D:

  6. Archaos on 20 September 2008, 14:01 said:

    No I wouldn’t want to read a book with extremely vague descriptions. Nor do I want to read a book where it takes the author a whole paragraph just to say “He drank water.” There needs to be a balance. Besides, ever read “The Road” by Cormac McCarthy? The first few pages use pretty vague description, but it works fantastically because he uses it to show an empty world. What Paolini does is drag his descriptions on and on when nothing’s really happening, and it slows the pace of the book down to the point where I get bored.

  7. Christopher Paolini on 20 September 2008, 16:13 said:

    I t isn t a stupid argument. A ll this guy seems to dish out is criticism at practically every line in the book. I mean , it can t be as bad as he claims it is , considering the first books were big sellers. A nd come on : not a lot of people would appreciate a book including the phrase “eragon drank mead. it dampened his temper. he the n went to sleep, etc etc.” Y ou people haven t got a tad of creativity in yourselves (um. spelled correctly, but wtf. creativity in yourselves?) , and so you don t want to see it anywhere else.’

    I could go on, but sir, I do not need the likes of you defending the greatness of the Inheiritance Cycle. I think the overwhelming enthusiasm and populous attendance to various Brisingr release parties can do my talking for me.

    Also, I’m going to have Sean Connery read the next audio book.

    And Murtagh dies!

  8. Lord Snow on 20 September 2008, 18:18 said:

    I find it really funny that the first fan to defend the book is exactly like the fans described in this: Epistle 3

    Oh, and for your creativity statement, see this: Star Wars Plot Recap

  9. SlyShy on 20 September 2008, 22:21 said:

    Dear Jayesh,

    Thanks for taking the time to express your thoughts here. In your mind, what is the greatest failing of the these posts? Which parts of my arguments do you find inaccurate, and how do you think I could shore these up? Or, if you simply find the entire premise of this ridiculous, could you explain your position to me? I would love to hear your thoughts on why you like the series, and find the urge to defend it on the Internet.

    If you like, you could submit an article about the merits of the Inheritance Cycle and why it isn’t bad. Just follow the submission guidelines and I’d be happy to publish it. I’m always happy to hear diverging viewpoints, and I would like to see you produce a substantial piece of writing to put up. If you don’t think you can manage it, no worries.

    Now, as to your actual comment.

    “dude you should write a book yourself in that case. oh and hopefully it’ll sell a million or more copies like the first 2 inheritance books did.”

    Interestingly enough, I have written two novels to date. This was for NaNoWriMo, something I highly recommend to anyone interested in writing long fiction. I’m sure you will say “well since it wasnt publishd it is obviuos crap” So to preempt this attack, I’ll explain why I’m not published.

    1. No time to edit. Basically, writing a novel is a time consuming process to begin with, but editing a novel is an even more time consuming process. Especially since, for some authors, editing involves completely rewriting the story.
    2. Finding an agent is a bother.
    3. I’m very busy with my academic pursuits. I’m actually a math/computer science major, so really, writing is just a distraction that I use as self expression.
    4. Some sense of self-evaluation. So, even though I will maintain that at least one of my novels is better than Eragon (the first was bad, since it was an experiment) I don’t want it published. If I’m to be a published author, I want my writing to be great. I don’t want to write for the money, because my academic subjects will provide by the time I get to the point of worrying about supporting myself, so if I wrote it would be for a sense of accomplishment. And you don’t get a sense of accomplishment churning out crappy paperback romance novels. Or worse hardcover fantasy novels.

    “it isnt a stupid arguement. all this guy seems to dish out is criticism at practically every line in the book.

    Actually, I have some articles up that focus on improvement and how to write good action scense, etc. You can find them if you look around on the site more. There isn’t much up yet, because the site was launched a week ago, but I’m writing more. And so are other people. The point is, the community here isn’t solely afixed on the negative. We want to improve our craft and become better writers. The amazing thing is how Paolini hasn’t improved substantially in ten years. It shows a like of craftsmanship.

    “i mean it cant be as bad as he claims it is considering the first books were big sellers.”

    Well, let’s see. Eldest sold 425,000 copies in its first week. By comparison, Epic Movie sold 5,666,582 tickets in its first week. So if anything, really terrible stuff can sell just fine.

    “and come on. not a lot of people would appreciate a book that said “eragon drank mead. it dampened his temper. he the went to sleep, etc etc.” you people havent got a tad of creativity in yourselves and so you dont want to see it anywhere else.”

    I recommend you read the book Reading Like a Writer by Francine Prose. It might give you some perspective on where I’m coming from. The point is, Paolini is far too verbose.

    If you have any more concerns, I’d be happy to hear them. Enjoy your time here.

  10. PhantomPickles on 21 September 2008, 03:35 said:

    “I think the overwhelming enthusiasm and populous attendance to various Brisingr release parties can do my talking for me.”

    Really? I went to B&N last night to take advantage of the fact that they were open till midnight for the Brisingr release…I only saw about 3 people there waiting for it. Maybe there are less hardcore Inheritance fans in New Jersey.

  11. Garrick on 21 September 2008, 08:08 said:

    SlyShy – Revision is the bane of any writer’s existence, but a necessary burden. Revision transforms a good story into a brilliant one.

    I don’t blame you for being so annoyed with this series. Frankly, I read YA fic as a means to connect with the kids I teach, not because I particularly enjoy it. I prefer horror.

    Still: that which prods us most in the work of others is quite often what plagues are own writing.

    BRISINGR needed a red pen to be great.

    Your work needs a red pen to be great.

    It doesn’t happen because you want it to. It happens because you do it.

    Snarl as much as you like at the poor writing in BRISINGR and I am likely to snarl along with you. The paragraphs need breaking up. Show, don’t tell. Passives are EVIL. The story world’s venacular is a seasoning – not one of the main ingredients. Etc.

    But while you’re steaming, buy a bulk-sized box of red pens, man. Use your snarly outrage to motivate you to improve your work.

    Otherwise…You’re just whining.

    Sorry, but there it is.

  12. DrAlligator on 21 September 2008, 10:45 said:

    PhantomPickles, the comment you quoted was sarcastic. Always bit hard to convey that online…

    ““Several drinks later, when the mead has succeeded in tempering his black mood” (p. 19)

    Remember kids, use alcohol to deal with your emotional problems.”

    Personally, I think that’d be a great twist to Eragon’s personality, if he ended up an alcoholic – among other things – as a result of the war. But bad things don’t happen to perfect beings.

  13. Lord Snow on 21 September 2008, 12:29 said:

    XD Umm… Garrick, I’m not sure if you missed it, but the whole point of what Sly just said was that this site is meant for people to use this to become better writers.

  14. SlyShy on 21 September 2008, 14:07 said:

    Heheh Garrick,

    This is actually a stated goal of the site, if you’ll take a look at the About section. Still, I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

    If you like, I’ve posted a piece of my writing in the Critique section for people to respond to, although thus far people haven’t been too interested in the opportunity. I’ve already identified some flaws for myself, including weak supporting characters, some contrived dialogue, and pacing issues. I’d love more suggestions.

    I’ll be perfectly honest, I’m not a good writer. I’m a math/computer science major, which is why I’m in charge of running the site. I find writing to be extremely difficult, but I still love doing it. I need help. And I’ve been trying to get it from all channels. If you have book suggestions, I’d be happy to hear them, although I’ve read most of the ones people recommend me.

  15. palidromedah on 21 September 2008, 16:59 said:

    hahaha, this is like mystery science theater for books. it’s like, you’re speaking from my soul, if i had i soul. xD nice work.

  16. Syrith on 21 September 2008, 17:00 said:

    brisingr rules u suck hahahaha

  17. Garrick on 21 September 2008, 18:33 said:

    Snow – you become a better writer by writing, then re-writing, then re-writing some more. Ad nauseum. The “apply butt to chair and keep it there” principle. While you can certainly learn from the mistakes of other writers, I’ve grown a great deal more in my craft by examining my own.

    Sly – I c/p’ed your piece over into Word and will look it over off-line later. Depends. I’m trying to plow through BRISINGR, but I’m also reading through my current mss for continuity. My eyes are way tired.

    FWIW. I’m strongest in technicals and I haven’t written fic in short form in more years than I care to think about. At a quick glance, I can tell you need to watch your adverbs, though.

  18. Garrick on 21 September 2008, 18:43 said:

    Btw, sly, my degree’s in Computer & Info Systems. Life is bizarre, aye? LOL

  19. SlyShy on 21 September 2008, 18:45 said:

    Thanks for the suggestion. I have noticed it—when it comes to certain actions, I tend to stick too many adverbs on.

    For certain repeated revision is the cornerstone of writing. I’m sure every professional writer would echo this sentiment. It’s just that starting a website on revision is significantly harder. Part of the reason the site is in its present form, is I am a bit of an entrepreneur, and this was the market opening I identified. Criticism can attract an audience, and once that audience is establsihed it is easier to start writing about “boring” topics like revision and paragraph composition.

    That said, these are perfectly valid topics, and I would welcome anyone who wants to write an article on these topics.

  20. Christopher Paolini on 21 September 2008, 22:09 said:

    Would you mind if I contributed an article or two, Sly? I’m very qualified to teach people how to write!

  21. SlyShy on 21 September 2008, 22:14 said:

    I guess I can’t say no to you, Mr. Paolini. :P

  22. gahh on 28 September 2008, 01:19 said:

    SlyShy oh dear SlyShy, you really seem to hate this book. Not only do you find valid and sound arguments against it, you rope in other ridiculous ones as well, which turns this otherwise persuasive argument into a turnoff. Please refrain from slamming if your motive is to write a critique – an essential feature of this expository text is objectivism, objectivism, objectivism. Until then, your text remains a polemic.

  23. SlyShy on 28 September 2008, 01:36 said:

    If you like, you could even point out which ones you found ridiculous, and your comment would be truly constructive. Thanks!

    Plus, this is a spork.

  24. GC on 30 September 2008, 16:00 said:

    Maybe you should explicitly state which ones are the sporks, actually. Because some stuff does seem a lot like nitpicking, if you don’t mind me sayin’…