Everything Wrong With Eragon

Yes, I am so bored and so angered by how terrible this book is I have decided to point out everything I can find that is wrong with it.

Prologue: Shade of Fear

This book is terrible from, believe it or not, the very first sentence.

“Wind howled through the night, carrying a scent that would change the world.” (Paolini p.1)

- With a first sentence like that it is easy to take this book seriously.

“He looked human” – (p.1)

- Since all humans look exactly the same readers can easily picture what the Shade looks like.

“Stop whoever is coming… or die.” – (p.1)

- Since all of his readers are incompetent, Christopher Paolini just has to make sure we can understand that this extremely complex character is evil.

“The monsters hurried into the brush, grunting as the hid.” – (p. 1)

- True masters of stealth.

“He remained unnaturally quite, a long pale sword in hand… hack through the hardest armor.” – (p.1)

-Hmm… This sounds familiar… “Slid forward on silent feet… The pale sword… sliced through ringmail as if it were silk.” – A Game of Thrones (Martin p.10)

“The [sword] was thin enough to slip between a pair of ribs,” – (p.1) (Yes,6 problems with page 1.)

- Just about every sword is. Thanks, Paolini, for more meaningless detail.

“the Urgals shrank back, motionless.” – (p.2)

- No sarcastic comment for this one. It’s just impossible to shrink back without moving.

“They were tools,” – (p.2)

-Yes, yes they were. You got it right for once, Paolini! (Sorry)

“Three white horses with riders cantered toward the ambush, their heads held high and proud, their coats rippling in the moonlight like liquid silver.” – (p.2)

-Again, masters of stealth.

“Elven lady,” – (p.2) “Elven lady,” – (p.3) “She leapt off the animal with inhuman speed.” (p.3)

-I don’t think I am intelligent enough to figure out if she is an elf or human. Please help, CP.

“A cry tore from the elf’s lips” – (p.3) “The elf pulled open the pouch,” – (p.4) “Flew toward the elf,” – (p.4) “strode to the elf.” – (p.4)“unconscious elf.” – (p.4) “After tying the elf” – (p.5)

- Thanks, CP! I knew I could count on you!

“spoken in a wretched language only he knew” – (p.4)

- Umm… Right… Definition of language: The words, their pronunciation, and the methods of combining them used and understood by a community.

Discovery

“he strung his bow” – (p.7)

- Eragon is hunting a deer. The moment he sees the deer is when he decides to string the bow. Stringing a bow is hard work and is usually something you would do before you set out hunting. It is not something that can be done in a few seconds. It is extremely inopportune to string a bow once the deer you have been tracking is in sight. Christopher Paolini obviously has no idea what he is talking about.

“drew three arrows and nocked one, holding the others in his left hand.” – (p.7)

- Holding two arrows along with a bow in one hand is extremely uncomfortable and would make your shots extremely inaccurate. A skilled hunter, like Eragon supposedly is, would not do this. Either CP, again, has no idea what he is talking about or Eragon has a secret third arm.

“He cursed and spun around, instinctively nocking another arrow.” – (p.7)

- There is absolutely no reason Eragon would need to spin around to nock an arrow. Not only is the thought of having to spin around to nock an arrow ridiculous but that would then mean he loses the sight of the target. This is definitely not something he would want to do.

“Eragon watched for danger for several long minutes… Cautiously, he released the tension from his bow and moved forward.” – (p.7)

-What happened to Eragon the brave, who was the only hunter who dared hunt in the Spine? He is so brave that he stares at a blue stone for several minutes with an arrow pulled, afraid it is dangerous.

“He nudged it with an arrow, then jumped back.” – (p.7)

- So brave!

“The stone was cool and frictionless” – (p.7)

- No. It wasn’t. Nothing can be frictionless. If it was frictionless it would slip out of his fingers and slide around the world forever.

“Where did it come from? Does it have a purpose? … Was it sent here by accident or am I meant to have it?” – (p.8)

-These are supposed to be questions the reader asks him or her self. CP is so worried that the reader is to dumb to think about it on their own that he actually shoves them into the book.

“It weighed several pounds, though it felt lighter than it should have… It would be tiresome to carry.” – (p.8)

-Apparently, the almighty Eragon is daunted by the thought of carrying a few extra pounds. Even though he can keep an arrow pulled on he bow for several long minutes, which is no easy task. As you will notice, Christopher Paolini just loves contradicting himself.

Palancar Valley

“The sun rose the next morning with a glorious conflagration of pink and yellow.” – (p.9)

- Definition of conflagration: A large destructive fire. No, CP, the sun rise was not a glorious, large, and destructive inferno.

“You refuse to sell to me!” – (p.13)

-The butcher just refused to sell meat to Eragon so Eragon decides to say this. Thanks, captain obvious.

“He was Carvahall’s smith.” – (p.13)

- Carvahall as a small farmer town. Exactly the kind of town that would not have a blacksmith.

“the two of you were almost at blows” – (p.15)

-Things in the book get overly dramatic very fast. This was an argument about how to pay for meat.

“But that’s no reason to refuse payment.” – (p.18)

- Yes, it is so terrible that somebody doesn’t trade large amounts of meat for a pretty rock. Especially when nobody knows it’s worth.

Dragon Tales

“Beside the bed was a row of shelves covered with objects he had collected… twisted pieces of wood… bits of shells… rock that had broken to reveal shiny interiors, and strips of dry grass tied into knots… a root so convoluted he never tired of looking at it.” – (p.19)

- I actually feel bad for Eragon. Sadly, this is the only time in the entire story.

“I’m sure there was a good reason for what she did; I only wish I knew what it was.” – (p.20)

- More things the reader is supposed to think about their selves being shoved into the book.

“Who was his father?” – (p.20)

- Again… CP, do you really think we are so dumb that you have to tell us what to think? If your story is at all good the reader should care enough to ask this themselves.

“Which he devoured hungrily.” – (p.20)

- The only time you ever devour something is when you are hungry…

“What happened to make them like this? And why are they so late?” – (p.23)

- Yet again, CP shoves questions you should be able to think about yourself into the text.

“harder even than diamond.” – (p.24)

- The only way to find that out is to break a diamond with the stone. According to the book the trader did not do that.

“I doubt I could do anything to harm this stone, even if I took a hammer to it.” – (p.25)

- Obviously, if the stone is harder than diamond a hammer wouldn’t do anything.

“Two boys from Carvahall wrestled nearby, but he felt no inclination to join them.” – (p.27)

-This is completely useless information. Unless CP is trying to tell us that on most occasions Eragon would not pass up wrestling with young boys, this does not need to be in the book.

“The shiny-black Urgal horns, their twisted span as great as his outstretched arms.” – (p.27)

- Urgals are previously described in the novel as resembling thick men. These horns are ridiculously sized in comparison to the size of an Urgal.

“The Empire” – (p.28)

-Really, CP? Couldn’t think of a name for your own evil controlling government so you took it from Star Wars?

“‘There’s going to be trouble if they stay much longer.’ ‘For us or them?’ ‘Them,’” -(p.30)

- This is a comment on a simple political argument in a bar with some traders. Good job attacking people for having different beliefs.

“Through their training he passed. Exceeding all others in skill. Gifted with a sharp mind and strong body, he quickly took his place among the Riders’ ranks. Some saw his abrupt rise as dangerous and warned others, but the Riders had grown arrogant in their power and ignored caution. Alas, sorrow was conceived that day.” – (p.32)

- Where have I heard this before? Oh, yes, Star Wars. This is the story of Darth Vader. How could I forget?

Fate’s Gift

“So was I meant to have it?” – (p.35)

- Gah… Again… Questions that are not supposed to be read, but thought. (By the reader… Not Eragon…)

“The rocking stopped; the stone became quiet.” – (p.36)

- The “stone” is moving and squeaking but Eragon still thinks it’s a stone. How can CP go on about how smart Eragon is when he can’t figure out the moving, squeaking, oval shaped container is not a stone?

Awakening

“The dragon was no longer than his forearm, yet it was dignified and noble.” – (p.38)

- These things have nothing to do with each other. Length is in no way connected to dignity and nobility.

“But not a stone, he realized, an egg.” – (p.38)

- A chapter too late.

“he made a noose and slipped it over the dragons head… then untied the noose from its neck and fashioned a makeshift harness for its legs so the dragon would not strangle itself.” – (p.41)

- Why on earth would he even think of making a noose for his dragon?

“Both Garrow and Roran noted his behavior and asked why he spent so much time outside.” – (p.44)

- Eragon is a poor farm boy. I am assuming he has always spent much of his time outside, seeing how there would have been nothing else to do.

Tea For Two

“‘Ah, I see you didn’t know your namesake,’ said Brom. ‘Why was I named after an elf?’” – (p.50)

- Because CP thought it would be sweet if it was totally obvious you were destined to be the greatest dragon rider ever and the first of the new generation.

“‘It took our ancestors another three centuries to arrive here and join the Riders.’ ‘That can’t be,’ protested Eragon. ‘We’ve always lived in Palancar Valley.” – (p.51)

- I can’t comprehend how CP can describe Eragon as smart when things like this keep happening.

“Eragon scowled” – (p.51)

- Yes, Eragon is scowling because Brom corrected his ridiculous logic. Apparently his ego is so large that he gets angry when it is dented, even a little bit.

“This was his home, regardless who his father was!” – (p.51)

- Nobody ever said otherwise…

“So where did my dragon come from?” – (p.52)

- Not again…

A Name of Power

“I want to marry.” – (p.57) “He shook his head, but whether with amazement or anger, he knew not.” – (p.57) “Roran’s announcement has put him in a foul mood.” – (p.58) “As he talked his voice grew steadily louder until he was yelling pointlessly into the air.” – (p.58) “then ineffectually punched the ground.” – (p.58)

- You want to leave, get married, and be happy!? But you can’t! It’s a small inconvenience to me! Besides, I’m the only thing that is important! I’m a friggin’ dragon rider!

“You are a she!” – (p.58)

- Thanks, captain!

A Miller-To-Be

“It’s madness.” – (p.58)

- Madness? This is Sparta! Kicks Eragon down endless pit (Sorry)

“She understood him better than anyone else.” – (p.60)

- Screw family, I have a dragon!

“I have words for both of you. It’s time I said them, as you are entering the world. Heed them and they will serve you well… First, let no on rule your mind or body. Take special care that your thoughts remain unfettered. One may be a free man and yet be bound tighter than a slave. Give men your ear, but not your heart. Show respect for those in power, but don’t follow them blindly. Judge with logic and reason, but comment not. Consider none your superior, whatever their rank or station in life. Treat all fairly or they will seek revenge. Be careful with your money. Hold fast to you beliefs and others will listen. Of the affairs of love… my only advice is to be honest. That’s your most powerful tool to unlock a heart or gain forgiveness. That is all I have to say.” – (p.64)

- What a wonderful, exceedingly corny, completely unrealistic, and longwinded prepared speech! This totally isn’t a dead give away for what will happen next.

“Eragon collapsed to the ground.” – (p.68)

- The sight of two men with swords coming after him was enough to make him pass out… This is the first time of many. CP loves the idea of people fainting.

Flight of Destiny

“Stop it! Garrow will hear!” – (p.71)

- Eragon was just going to show Saphira to Garrow anyway. Why would it matter?

“Garrow has to be warned. Turn Around!” – (p.71)

- But you just tried to make sure he didn’t hear…

“He gasped as excruciating pain seared through his legs, sending tears to his eyes.” – (p.72)

- Eragon cries very often throughout this book. This is only the first time.

“Stars danced in his eyes as he slid over a rock, but he managed to hold on.” – (p.73-74)

- He almost passed out again. I wont add this to the overall count. I just wanted to point out that he was this close.

“He closed his eyes and felt a single tear slide down his face.” – (p.74)

- He cries again just two pages away from the first incident. Not only does he cry, this time it is a single tear. This is a huge fantasy stereotype and it saddens me beyond belief to actually read the words: single tear. Total cry count: 2.

The Doom of Innocence

“Our wyrds – or fates – bind us” – (p.76)

- Why would you write a word just to have to define it because you thinknobody knows what it means?

“A black plume with orange flames…Thick, oily smoke billowed from the barn, which burned fiercely…Eragon ran to the wreckage, hunting through the rooms.” – (p.77)

- Eragon just ran into a burning building and did not get burned at all. Apparently Eragon is fire-resistant or Paolini simply forgot he wrote that the house was still on fire.

“his vision was blurry and he could barely see. Am I going blind? he wondered. With a shaking hand, he touched his cheeks and found the wet.” – (p.78)

- Cry count: 3

“Without warning, the ground rushed up to meet him. He tasted blood, then blacked out.” – (p.80)

- Black out count: 2

Deathwatch

“Your barn was burned down…. Is that how Garrow was injured?” – (p.82)

- Is there even a point in asking? Garrow is severely burned, so is the barn. This mystery solve itself.

“That’s quite a scar on your palm.” – (p.83)

- This must be one skilled healer. She came to the conclusion that the large, shining, oval on his hand was a scar. Because scars are usually so shiny.

“Eragon remained at the table, his eyes focused on a know in the wood. Every excruciating detail was clear to him: the twisting grain, an asymmetrical bump, three little ridges with a fleck of color. The knot was filled with endless detail; the closer he looked, the more he saw. He searched for answers in it, but if there were any, they eluded him.” – (p.87)

- So many things wrong with this. First of all, “excruciating detail” is right, except I don’t think it is clear to Paolini. This is one of the most pointless paragraphs in the entire book. Why would we care about a knot in a table? And should readers have to suffer reading an entire paragraph about it. Also, why would Eragon search for answers in it? That is the honestly one of the stupidest things I have ever read. “Oh my gosh, my life sucks. Please, knot in this table, tell me why it sucks so much!” “Well, Eragon, it might have something to do with you asking a knot of wood for answers!”

The Madness of Life

“Call him father, He thought bitterly, a right even I don’t have.” – (p.90)

- Because he isn’t your father… He’s your uncle…

“Tears flooded Eragon’s cheeks.” – (p.90)

- Cry count: 4

A Rider’s Blade

“could not stop a fresh flow of tears.” – (p.92)

-Cry count: 5

“‘We have room.’ Horst answered inaudibly.” – (p.92)

- If he actually answered inaudibly Eragon would not have been able to hear it. This obviously was audible.

“It’s not really stealing… If he was going to steal, it might as well be from Sloan.” – (p. 94)

- I thought it’s “not really stealing.”

“Their methods of forging have always remained secret. However, their swords are eternally sharp and will never stain.” – (p.102)

- Hmm… Sounds an awful lot like Valyrian steel from the A Song of Ice and Fire series by George R.R. Martin.

“it appeared to have something resembling a beak” – (p.102)

- The Ra’zac were previously described as having their faces hidden by a hood. How could a hood hide a beak? The beak would stick out.

Saddlemaking

“He pulled the blankets over his head and cried quietly” – (p.107)

- Cry count: 6

“There isn’t a horse alive that could outrun a flying dragon,” – (p.109)

- Why would Brom’s horse need to outrun Eragon’s Dragon? It would need to merely keep up with the dragon.

“But that’ll make it harder to catch the Ra’zac,” – (p.109)

- … He says as he relaxes with Brom.

Therinsford

“He felt honored that of all the people in Alagaesia, she had chosen him.” – (p.112)

- Except she didn’t meet all the people in Alagaesia, just Eragon and whoever had her before him. She just happened to like you, she didn’t have much of a choice.

“You know what? I think you just enjoy speaking in riddles.” – (p.113)

- Actually, no. This is Paolini trying, and failing, to make it more dramatic when you actually learn the things you ask about.

“he collapsed like an empty sack… A splash of cold water roused him” – (p.114)

- Black out count: 3

“When they finished, Eragon flopped on his blankets and groaned. He hurt everywhere – Brom had not been gentle with his stick.” – (p.115)

- Unintentional innuendo, dead ahead!

“You c’n stop right there. This’s my bridge. Gotta pay t’ get over.” – (p.116)

- This is not how people speak. Sorry to say, CP, but talking out a letter in every sentence does not actually make it seem like this is an actual dialect.

“‘Sorry,’ apologized Brom,” – (p.116)

- Yeah, we figured out Brom was apologizing when he said “Sorry.” Saying “apologized” was extremely unnecessary.

“You cut his purse!” – (p.117)

- … He says after watching Brom cut someone’s purse. Captain to the rescue!

“Brom stood and barked, ‘Catch!’ Eragon barely had time to raise his arm and grab the piece of wood before it hit him on the head. He groaned… ‘Not again,’ he complained. Brom just smiled and beckoned with one hand. Eragon reluctantly got to his feet. They whirled around in a flurry of smacking wood, and he backed away with a stinging arm.” – (p.122)

- Unintentional innuendo: The return!

Thunder Roar and Lightning Crackle

“Eragon decided that it would be the wind that drove him crazy first.” – (p.124)

- Because everyone just loves to plan out their insanity…

“‘Brisinger!’ He swore angrily.” – (p.125)

- It’s not aswear word. Does Eragon just assume that if he hasn’t heard a word before then it is automatically a swear word?

Revelation At Yazuac

“Eragon strung his bow” – (p.130)

- Why does he keep unstringing it? If he is paranoid that there will be a trap why would he leave his bow unstrung?

“Tears blurred Eragon’s vision” – (p.131)

- Cry count: 7

“He stared at their open eyes and wondered how life could have left them so easily. What does out existence mean when it can end like this?… A Crow dipped out of the sky… ‘Oh no you don’t,’ snarled Eragon as he pulled back the bowstring and released it with a twang. With a puff of feathers, the crow fell over backward, the arrow protruding from its chest.” – (p.131)

- Oh, the irony. It burns.

“He saw a flicker of movement to his right, then a giant fist smashed him out of the saddle.” – (p.132)

- Eragon was just punched of a horse. Yes, punched in the face, by someone on the ground, when he was on a horse. This is not possible. Eragon’s head would be much to high to be punched by someone on the ground.

“A deafening scream tore out of Eragon as he charged the Urgal, head first… Eragon ducked under the two-handed blow and clawed the Urgal’s side.” – (p.133)

- Eragon just attempted to head butt an Urgal, then proceeded to scratch at it. So manly… But seriously, what happened to all the combat training?

“a wave of exhaustion washed over him. He felt strange and feeble, as if he had not eaten for days. His knees buckled, and he sagged against the wall.” – (p.134)

- Black out count: 4

Admonishments

“Saphira said gravely, You have grown.” – (p.136)

- Why would she say it gravely? As if Eragon learning something is a bad thing. He should learn all he can, because throughout this book he is very stupid.

“With a few deft strokes he cleaned the cut and bandaged it tightly.” – (p.136)

- You can’t clean and bandage a large cut in “a few deft strokes.” It is more work than that.

“Brom’s eyes flashed. ‘This isn’t something you should be taught – much less use!’ ‘Well, I have used it, and I may need it to fight again. But I won’t be able to if you don’t help me. What’s wrong? Is there some secret I’m not supposed to learn until I’m old and wise? Or maybe you don’t know anthing about magic!’ ‘Boy!’ roared Brom. ‘You demand answers with an insolence rarely seen. If you knew what you asked for, you would not be so quick to inquire. Do not try me.’ Eragon rose hotly in protest. ‘I feel as though I’ve been thrust into a world with strange rules that no one will explain.’” – (p.139)

-Wow… That was way too dramatic. I didn’t know there was a soap opera version of Star Wars.

“Saphira interrupted Eragon’s thoughts. Brom is a magician!” – (p.140)

- Uh oh, Eragon. Looks like you have a contender for the Captain Obvious award.

Magic is the Simplest Thing

“‘It is rare for anyone to discover magic on his own,’ he inclined his head toward Eragon,… ‘It may please you to know that no Rider your age ever used magic the way you did yesterday” – (p.144-145)

- Oh, Eragon! You are so wonderful! You must be the best Jed- I mean Rider ever!

“‘Again?’ asked Eragon weakly, thinking of the effort it had taken to do just once. ‘Yes! And this time be quicker about it.’” – (p.149)

- Innuendo returns for the third time.

“I frustrated Eragon that no matter how fast they went, the Ra’zac always stayed a few days ahead of them.” – (p.150)

- Really? Because it seems like that would be obvious, seeing how you guys stop for sword fighting lessons, magic lessons, and lessons in the Ancient Language everyday.

Daret

“May your swords stay sharp,” – (p.155)

- Wait… I thought it was “May the force be with you.:

“With all these Urgals around, it seems that the Empire itself is under attack, yet no troops or soldiers have been sent out. It’s as if the king doesn’t care to defend his domain.” – (p.155)

- Oh, come on. As if it isn’t obvious…

“And you can do this even though you aren’t a Rider?” – (p.156)

- As if that isn’t obvious also…

“Am I supposed to be able to see into people’s minds?” – (p.155)

- Yes, that’s called legilimency. Oh, wait, that’s from Harry Potter.

“How do I know if someone’s prying in my mind? Is there a way to stop that?” – (p.156)

-Yep, that’s occlumency. Oh, oops, that’s Harry Potter also.

Through a Dragon’s Eye

“Eragon nodded, sliding his unstrung bow into its leather tube,” – (p.161)

- Why would he always have his bow unstrung!? He is in danger all the time, yet he never strings his bow until the last moment. It make no sense, whatsoever.

“Do you always see so much blue?” – (p.163)

- What a stupid thing to ask. No, Eragon, she changed how she sees things just to mess with you.

“he string his bow and drew several arrows. If there’s trouble, I’ll be ready for it.” – (p.164)

- First of all, I told you there was no point in unstringing his bow, and that he probably would need it. Second of all, He is stringing his bow while flying on Saphira’s back… That’s just kind of ridiculous. Third, He is drawing several arrows. Three arrows would be a hassle, as I’ve already explained, several arrows would be much worse. There wouldn’t even be enough room in his hands.

“‘Genius!’ exclaimed Brom,” – (p.167)

- Yeah, Eragon says one borderline intelligent thing in the entire first 167 pages so he is a genius.

A Song For the Road

“The sea is emotion incarnate… It defies all attempts to capture it in words and rejects all shackles.” – (p.169)

- If that’s true what was the point of describing it in such a corny way? Why wouldn’t you just say “you can’t describe it” instead of contradicting yourself and making yourself sound stupid?

“O liquid temptress ‘neath the azure sky, Your gilded expanse calls me, calls me. For I would sail ever on, Were it not for the elven maid, Who calls me, calls me. She binds my heart with a lily-white tie, Never to be broken, save by the sea, Ever to be torn twixt the trees and the waves… ‘It’s beautiful,’ said Eragon.” – (p.169-170)

- No, it was very unremarkable, and uncreative.

“Everything about me is turning hard, he thought dryly.” – (p.171)

- More innuendo! It seems training and sparing with Brom every night turns Eragon hard.

“I don’t want our names in anyone’s heads. People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn’t.” – (p.172)

- Yeah, because remembering names is such a terrible thing. God, it is so annoying when people try to be social.

A Taste of Teirm

“Sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong. Again, she said sourly.” – (p.173)

- What are you thinking going into civilization!? Idiot.

“Wha’s yer name?…And who’s th’ other one?… Well, I wus gettin’ to that. This’ed be m’nephew Evan. He’s m’sister’s boy… And yer business here?” – (p.174)

- Seeing how CP makes people talk, I’m not entirely sure he has ever had any human contact. This is nothing like how people talk, or have ever talked.

“Eragon stood at his side, fiddling with the tip of his bow by his waist. I was slung across his back, but right then he wished that is was in his hands.” – (p.176)

- Are you kidding me? Eragon and Brom are in a bar, talking with a bartender. Eragon is so afraid of the bartender he wished he had his bow drawn. All the bartender did was polish a glass…

“Whatever happens, don’t panic or act suspiciously.” – (p.173) “‘Go ahead and sit down. I don’t mind.’ Eragon took a chair and arranged it so his back was to the wall and he faced the door.” – (p.177)

- Seriously… This kid is so stupid…

“Do you have any idea who’s responsible?” – (p.177)

- Come on, as if it isn’t obvious. There is one almighty evil villain in this book, I wonder if he’s behind any of the evil acts? I guess that’s too hard to figure out…

An Old Friend

“I hope I can learn something of Brom’s past, thought Eragon.” – (p.181)

- Because that is how people think.

“‘I fled the city and ran to the…’ Brom hesitated and glanced at Eragon, then said, ‘ran to out friends.‘… ‘No one could know that I was alive.’ Eragon clenched his jaw, infuriated that Brom was deliberately keeping him in the dark.” – (p.183)

- First, wouldn’t the people he ran to know he was alive? Second, as if it isn’t obvious who he ran to. It is so funny how CP accidentally made Eragon so stupid.

“It’s the worst place he could be right now… Everyone will be trying to influence him.” – (p.186)

- Yeah, that’s the worst thing that could happen to him. Especially since he’ll be influenced by your “friends.” They might actually let him do something helpful! We can’t have that now, can we?

“‘Wisdom,’ snorted Brom. “I’m just what you said earlier – a crotchety old man.’ ‘Many would disagree’ ‘Let them. I’ve no need to explain myself.’” – (p.186)

- Why would I need to explain myself? I was a friggin’ Dragon Rider! Oh, crap! You weren’t supposed to now that until later. Oh well. Honestly, if you haven’t figured this out by now something is very, very wrong. You should probably get that checked out.

“There are forces circling us that we aren’t aware of.” – (p.190)

- Uh, seeing how you just mentioned them, doesn’t that mean you are aware of them?

“‘Even if you exposed your location, the Ra’zac would still chase Roran. Do you know why?’ ‘Well, if I stay hiding long enough, they might get frustrated and capture Roran to force me to reveal myself. If that didn’t work, they’d kill him just to hurt me. Also, if I become a public enemy of the Empire, they might use him as bait to catch me. And if I met with Roran and they found out about it, they would torture him to find out where I was.’ ‘Very good. You figured that out quite nicely,’ said Brom” – (p.196)

- No, he didn’t. He didn’t even come close to answering your question. If Eragon exposed his location absolutely none of this would happen. If they knew where he was they wouldn’t get frustrated and capture Ronan, they wouldn’t need to use him as bait, and they wouldn’t need to torture him. Did Paolini even read this exchange?

The Witch and the Werecat

“You said that! exclaimed Eragon.” – (p.200)

- The captain returns, yet again.

“Eragon laughed. ‘No, I’m afraid my fortune is pretty much unreadable.’” – (p.201)

- How would he know? He can’t read fortunes. Actually… He can’t read anything.

“To know one’s fate… How can I make this decision when I don’t know what lies in wait for me and whether I will like it?” – (p.202)

- What? If you knew what lies in wait for you, there would be no reason to have your fortune told. Because that would mean you already know it. He’s pretty much saying: Hmm… How can I have my fortune told without already having had my fortune told?

“Emotion overcame Eragon, bringing tears to his eyes.” – (p.202)

- Cry count: 8

“I have no mere standing than the poorest of farmers.” – (p.205)

- Says the Dragon Rider. Extreme modesty or stupidity? I think the latter.

On Reading and Plots

“‘This is the letter a,’ he said. ‘Learn it.’” – (p.210)

- What an amazing teacher.

“a week had gone by… but he could now read” – (p.211)

- People do not learn to read in a week. Especially people as dim as Eragon.

“A single tear rolled down her cheek,” – (p.212)

- Oh no, another single tear.

“Eragon rose with a start and found himself crying uncontrollably” -(p.212)

- Cry count: 9

Thieves in the Castle

“He slung his bow and quiver on his back, but left Zar’roc in the room; the sword would only slow him, and he was averse to using it. If he had to disable someone, he could use magic or an arrow.” – (p.213)

- That is a horrible idea. Eragon obviously is expecting danger, or else he wouldn’t have his bow. How would he fight close quarters combat? Arrows are for ranged combat and he passes out every time he tries to fight with magic.

“‘Wha’ for?’ ‘Jus’ make sure ‘n give ‘im a good beating f’r me.’” – (p.214)

- Not only is this a horribly written dialect, but it is also inconsistent. As you can see, the man first say “for” but then decides to lose some sophistication and just say “f’r”.

“‘Thank’ee,’ mumbled the man, tottering away. As soon as hebq. was gone, Eragon pulled his bow from its tube and strung it.” – (p.214)

- Oh, come on. Why would he not have done this before hand? “Oh, he turned around! This is the perfect time to string my bow. I’ll do it really fast, so when he turns back around I’ll be ready.” I honestly think CP thinks you can just slip the string on at a moments notice. If I ever were to meet him, I would bring an unstrung bow, it’s string, and a stop watch.

A Costly Mistake

“What makes you think that this concerns you?” – (p.223)

- Ha, of course it concerns me, I’m a Dragon Rider. How could it not concern me?

“They are locked in a titanic power struggle… centered around you.” – (p.224)

- Hahaha, I told you it would concern me.

“‘the Varden – who are my ‘friends’‘ ‘The Varden!’” – (p.225)

- Captain Obvious to the rescue! In case you didn’t catch it the first time, Eragon has your back.

“If the Ra’zac hadn’t become so preoccupied with you, they might have caught me unawares, and that would be the end of Brom the story teller.” – (p.227)

- … But they did. They snuck up behind you and knocked you out…

“‘I can ride Snowfire.’ ‘Not with that arm.’” – (p.137) “‘Wrist is broken,‘… He helped Eragon onto the horse” – (p.230)

- So, Brom can’t ride a horse because of a cut on his arm, but Eragon can when he has a broken wrist?

“I know what I’m doing, said Eragon.” – (p.231)

- Doubt it.

“It’s a trap,” – (p.232)

- Warned Admiral Ackbar in Return of the Jedi.

“‘Who is your master?’ ‘He rules the sky and holds dominance over the earth.’ ‘Whether you serve Shade, Urgal, or some twisted fiend I’ve not heard of, I have no wish to parley with him.’” – (p.232)

- Come on, can you really not figure out who there master is? “Rules the sky”? “Holds dominance over the earth”? Who is the only other Dragon Rider? And who is the king? rolls eyes

“Fatigue suddenly drained Eragon of strength, and he tumbled off Saphira. His mind felt hazy… He realized that he might have gone to far… His stupor yielded to sleep.” – (p.232-233)

- I told you that you didn’t know that you were doing. Also, black out count: 5

Vision of Perfection

Oh. My. God. How can it be? I didn’t find anything… At least nothing worth mentioning. Oh well, that was because it was a short chapter, and was almost entirely about Eragon being yelled at. I have no problems with that. slow clap

Master of the Blade

“‘Perhaps to understand this we should search every prison and dungeon until we find the woman,’ bantered Eragon. He actually thought it would be a good idea.” – (p.240)

- Wow… A whole chapter with nothing worth mentioning that is wrong with it and then this… “Hey, I know! Lets search the whole world because I have a creepy, obsessive, stalker-like, and unhealthy crush on this women whom I’ve never met and have no idea who she could be.”

“If your being attacked with heat, you have to know whether it is being conveyed to you through air, fire, light, or some other medium.” – (p.245)

- Light is not a medium in which something can be conveyed.

The Mire of Dras-Leona

“That is Helgrind… it’s an unhealthy malevolent thing.” – (p.247)

- How can a rock formation be unhealthy?

“‘Their prayers go to Helgrind. It’s a cruel religion they practice. They drink human blood and make flesh offerings. Their priests often lack body parts because they believe that the more bone and sinew you give up, the less you’re attached to the mortal world. They spend much of their time arguing about which of Helgrind’s three peaks is the highest and most important and whether the fourth – and lowest – should be included in their worship.’ ‘That’s horrible,’” – (p.247-248)

- Wow. Eragon says “that’s horrible” after Brom mentions that they argue about whether the shortest peak should be included in prayer, never mind the whole flesh offerings and self-mutilation part… Also, great job with religious tolerance.

“We don’t even treat animals like this, thought Eragon.” – (p.248)

- You’re the one who shoots down birds for no reason.

“Eragon took one look at the mattress and said, “I’m sleeping on the floor. There are probably enough bugs in that thing to eat me alive.” – (p.249)

- Since when has he been so prissy? It can’t be much worse than sleeping on the ground outside. Which he has been doing for months now.

Trail of Oil

“‘The Cases of Seithr oil are always sent from the warehouse to the palace.’ ‘And that’s when you came back here,’ finished Eragon. ‘No, it’s not!’” – (p.252)

- That was a stupid exchange… Why would Eragon even try to finish Brom’s story. Especially when he has no idea what he is talking about. Eragon becomes more and more annoying every chapter.

“For several hours I wandered about, amusing the maids and others with songs and poems – and asking questions all the while.” – (p.252)

- Wouldn’t some old guy who is wandering around a palace, singing, reciting poems, and asking about potentially deadly materials raise suspicion?

Worshipers of Helgrind

“Don’t go anywhere without your bow! Keep it strung.” – (p.255)

- It’s almost like CP knows how stupid it is that Eragon always strings his bow at horrible times… Almost… To bad he doesn’t.

“Frustrated, he punched a nearby wall, bruising his knuckles.” – (p.256)

- HULK SMASH!

“The Ra’zac leapt away from the arrows with inhuman swiftness.” – (p.258)

- Of course it was inhuman swiftness. They aren’t human. Nothing they do is human.

“Then Eragon toppled to the ground, unconscious.” – (p.263)

- Black out count: 6

The Ra’zac’s Revenge

“tears rushed to his eyes” – (p.264)

- Cry count: 10

“‘You will server our master very well, yesss.’ ‘If I do, I will kill you.’” – (p.265)

- What? That was so stupid. If he serves their master he wouldn’t kill them. They would be on the same side… This answer is ridiculous. “You should join our side.” “Yeah? Well I’ll kill you!”

“his eyes closed and he knew no more.” – (p.266)

- Black out count: 7

Murtagh

“‘I wouldn’t do that’ warned Murtagh. ‘He’ll bleed to death.’ Eragon ignored him and pulled the cloth away from Brom’s side.” – (p.269)

- Pssh, I don’t care. If I want to risk his death just so I can see his nasty cut, I will. In case you haven’t noticed I’m a Dragon Rider, I do what I want.

“As he had learned when Garrow was injured, a wound inflicted by the Ra’zac was slow to heal.” – (p.269)

- Actually, he didn’t learn that when Garrow was injured. He learned it a while after Garrow was dead. CP seems to forget things that he wrote.

“he picked up his bow from where it had been thrown by the Ra’zac. He strung it,” – (p.270)

- Wait… when did he unstring it? He had it when he was first ambushed by the Ra’zac. Then ha ran away. Now he is stringing it again. This means that at some point, while running from the Ra’zac he unstrung it. Why would he do that? “Uh oh, I’m being chased and could be attacked at any moment. This seems to be a perfect time to unstring my bow.”

Legacy of a Rider

“‘Wake up, Eragon.’ He stirred and groaned. ‘I need your help. Something is wrong!’ Eragon tried to ignore the voice and return to sleep. ‘Arise!’ ‘Go away,’ he grumbled.” – (p.273)

- Oh my god! Leave me alone! I don’t care who dies, I just need my beauty sleep!

“Brom’s next words were faint and indistinct. ‘Good…’ He moved his arms weakly. ‘Now… wash my right hand with it.’” – (p.274)

- No, they weren’t indistinct. They were perfectly clear. That’s why Eragon understood them and why we can read them.

“his mouth agape with amazement. There on Brom’s palm was the gedwey ignasia.” – (p.274)

- Shocker.

“You’re a Rider?” – (p.274)

- Why must he always state the obvious?

“my young dragon was killed. Her name… was Saphira.” – (p.274)

- Another shocker.

“Guard Saphira with your life,” – (p.275)

- That is a horrible idea. If he losses his life guarding her she dies too. So there would be no point.

“‘Everything will be alright,’ said Eragon, tears in his eyes.” – (p.275)

- Cry count: 11

“Tears rolled down Eragon’s cheeks” – (p.276)

- Cry count: 12

“The stone rippled. It flowed like water, forming a body-length depression in the hilltop. Molding the sandstone like wet clay,” – (p.276)

- Wait… Was it like water or wet clay? Because they are not the same. CP can’t even stay consistent in his own similes.

Diamond Tomb

“A tear slid down his listless face” – (p.278)

- Another single tear? This is the third one. Anyways, Cry count: 13

“With a fingernail, he aimlessly scratched the sandstone. When he looked, he saw that he had written Why Me?” – (p.278)

- Really?He is so self centered that when his stereotypical, Rough but loving in his own strange way, mentor/father figure dies he says he says “Why Me”? That’s disgusting.

“This blade probably killed many Riders in its time, he thought with revulsion. And worse, dragons!” – (p.280)

- How is that worse? When you kill a Rider his dragon dies too. That is worse than just killing the dragon. This is the second time CP has forgotten this. Sometimes I wonder how much he actually pays attention to his books.

“Eragon laughed weakly and found himself crying because it hurt so much.” – (p.281)

- Cry count: 14

“Everything he taught me about magic he must have learned from the Riders themselves.” – (p.281)

- Actually, since he was a Rider he probably learned it from the people who taught the Riders…

“Why did he trust you, but not me, with all this knowledge?” – (p.282)

- Because you are dumb. And you keep proving that you are dumb over and over again.

“Tears welled in Eragon’s eyes.” – (p.282)

- Really? Five times in two chapters? Cry count: 15

“‘I’m afraid that my next dream of her will show a grave. I couldn’t stand that.’ ‘Why?’ ‘I’m not sure,’” – (p.283)

- Well, I am. It’s because you are friggin’ creepy, and have an unhealthy, obsessive crush on her.

Capture at Gil’ead

“He dreamed of the woman no more. And though he tried to scry her, he saw only an empty cell. Whenever they passed a town or city, he checked to see if it had a jail. If it did, he would disguise himself and visit it, but she was not to be found.” – (p.286)

- And so the stalker behavior begins.

“From a distance they could see the city was a rough, barbaric place, filled with log houses and yapping dogs.” – (p.289)

– How could they see that it was filled with yapping dogs, from a distance?

“he lost consciousness.” – (p.292)

- Black out count: 8

Du Sundavar Freohr

“He took a couple bites of the thin cabbage soup and stale bread… I wish he had brought me something better, he complained.” – (p.294)

- He was captured and imprisoned, yet he complains about the food.

“Eragon’s blood burned as he looked at her. Something awoke in him – something he had never felt before. It was like an obsession, except stronger, almost a fevered madness.” – (p.295)

- This kid just get creepier and creepier…

“He hesitated – it could easily give him away – then raced to create a name that would withstand scrutiny… ‘It was De Sundavar Freohr.’ Which meant almost literally ‘death of the shadows.’” – (p.298)

- Yeah, I’m sure that will hold up.

“… extra dose, just in case.” – (p.298)

- CP didn’t think we would understand that Eragon’s food and water was being poisoned, even after a few pages of explaining it. So, he added this, just to make sure we could figure it out. Thanks, CP, I wouldn’t be able to figure out this extremely complicated book without these subtle hints.

Fighting Shadows

“Footsteps interrupted him. He spun around, crouching as a squad of six soldiers marched into the hall. They halted abruptly, eyes flicking between Eragon and the open cell door.” – (p.301)

- Why would he crouch? Crouching in the middle of a hallway doesn’t do anything…

“‘All right, just don’t put that in me!’ yelped the soldier.” – (p.302)

- More innuendo. Oh no!

“Fighting hunger and exhaustion, he dragged the elf off the table and hid her underneath it. He Crouched next to her, holding his breath, tightly clenching the dagger. Ten soldiers entered the room. They swept through it hurriedly, looking under only a couple of tables, and continued on their way. Eragon leaned against a table leg, sighing. The respite made him suddenly aware of his burning stomach.” – (p.304)

– Suddenly aware? He was aware of it four sentences ago.

“Eragon clutched the elf tightly as they skimmed over Gil’ead, then left the city behind and veered eastward, soaring upward through the night.” – (p.309)

- Does anyone else have problems with Eragon kidnapping an unconscious elf woman, whom he has a very creepy crush on?

A Warrior and a Healer

“He checked on the unconscious elf. You’re going to have to carry her a bit longer,” – (p.311)

- “I sure hope this unconscious lady doesn’t mind being carried around the world by two creepy young men.” “Shut up, Saphira! If I want to kidnap an elf, I can. I’m a Dragon Rider. Plus she’s passed out, what can she do?”

“She’s probably drugged” – (p.311)

- Oh great. He’s kidnapping an unconscious woman who has been drugged. This sounds like something I’ve heard of… Oh yeah, date-rape.

“I insulted the most powerful man in Alagaesia! he realized with dread.” – (p.312)

- Oh well, it’s not like you guys were going to be best buddies in the first place.

“‘Why would he commit such an atrocity on his own subjects?’ ‘Because he is evil’” – (p.313)

- Yay for one dimensional characters!

“he gazed at the elf’s face, captivated.” – (p.314)

- God… such a creepy kid. Paolini could write stories about stalkers. Well… He shouldn’t write at all. But, if he has to, might as well be about stalkers. He has me legitimately creeped out.

“With trembling fingers, he unlaced the back of her shirt.” – (p.315)

- Oh my god. Drugged? Check. Unconscious? Check. Kidnapped? Check. Naked? Check. Sounds like something bad is happening.

Water From Sand

“We would be safe, though, remarked Saphira. As long as we didn’t encounter any Urgals.” – (p.318)

- Doesn’t that work for pretty much anywhere? Also, your not really safe if there is a chance of encountering Urgals.

“Making rain was well beyond his power… Moving that much air was like trying to lift a mountain.” – (p.320)

- How would he no? I certainly hope he hasn’t tried to make it rain or move a mountain. If he has he is even dumber than I thought, and I really don’t think that could be true.

“I wonder if it’s possible to convert sand into water?… ‘I have an idea’ ‘What are you going to try?’ ‘I don’t know’… He knelt and picked up a stone with a cavity large enough for a mouthful of water.” – (p.321)

- Of course he knows what he is going to try. He just thought of it, then began to try it. Is he lying to Saphira or is this just another stupid move by Paolini? I don’t think Eragon would lie to Saphira… Also, I wasn’t planning on correcting grammar in this, but since I already have the quote… There should not be a question mark at the end of the first sentence.

“‘Eragon,’ she said, looking him squarely in the face. ‘I’ve no more control over my abilities than a spider does.’” – (p.322)

- I’m pretty sure spiders have control over the things they can do.

“I’m as powerless as Snowfire.” – (p.322)

- Snowfire can’t fly, or talk to people telepathically.

The Ramr River

“Why don’t you tie the elf to my belly?” – (p.324)

- Do I even need to say anything? This statement is a horrifying as it is ridiculous.

“An elf! He had actually seen one, and she was with them!” – (p.325)

- Not willingly…

“He wondered what Roran would think” – (p.325)

- He would probably be horrified that his cousin is kidnapping unconscious elves and tying them to his dragon’s belly.

“He soaked a rag, then squeezed the cloth so water dripped between the elf’s sculpted lips. He did that several times and dabbed above her straight, angled eyebrows, feeling oddly protective.” – (p.327)

- My elf! I kidnaped he, nobody else can touch her!

“If I can dodge arrows with three people on my back, I can certainly fly a horse in a straight line over a river.” – (p.327)

- That’s reassuring. Since you didn’t dodge arrows with three people on your back. You were hit multiple times…

The Hadarac Desert

“Before we continue, let’s rest. My mind is slow as a snail,” – (p.331)

- Isn’t it always?

“I don’t want to stop until the elf is cured… or she dies.” – (p.336)

- In other words, “My insanely creepy crush is worth more than all of your lives put together.”

A Path Revealed

“Fatigued and haggard, but with triumphant smiles, they sad around the fire, congratulating each other.” – (p.337)

- “Congrats man, your awesome.” “I know. Oh, your awesome too.” Yeah, we are sweet.” “Yep, manly too.” “Yeah, we are so manly.” “Sexy, too.” “Most definitely.”

“With a sigh he abandoned his deliberation and observed the elf stretched out by Saphira. The fire’s orange light gave her face a warm cast. Smooth shadows flickered under her cheekbones. As he stared, an idea slowly came to him.”

- I swear, about fifty percent of his time is spent starring at this elf.

“Eragon took a shuddering breath and forced his eyes open. Murtagh and Saphira stood on either side of him, watching with concern. ‘Are you alright?’ asked Murtagh.” – (p.341)

- “Of course I’m alright! I talked with her! I really talked with her! I’m thinking of taking our relationship to the next level.” ‘That’s not what I meant, Eragon. Saphira and I have been talking… The way you act with this elf is starting to disturb us. We think you need help.” Murtagh pulls a straight-jacket out of his saddlebag

“The words stung Eragon’s pride; he recognized a grain of truth to them. ‘Don’t touch me,’ he growled.” – (p.342)

- He hurt my feelings. Quick, I have to do something manly!

“‘Well, is she going to get off us?’ ‘No, not unless we talk… She wants me to ask you what’s really the problem,’ Eragon said, embarrassed.” – (p.343)

- Talking about your feelings isn’t manly.

A Clash of Wills

“‘I must eat,’ Saphira said… ‘Hunger claws my belly.’” – (p.347)

- Actually, that could be the poor elf you have strapped down there.

“He pointed at the hill ahead of them, where a tall, brown-cloaked man sat on a sorrel horse, mace in hand. Behind him was a group of twenty horsemen… Eragon surreptitiously strung his bow.” – (p.348)

- Eragon is being chased by a band of Urgals. Why does he not have his bow strung already? Also, how does one string a bow surreptitiously? That would mean stringing it in a sneaky or stealthy manner. Also, bow stringing count: 6

“‘Behold!’ cried Eragon over the furor, ‘I am a Rider!’” – (p.351)

- This kid’s ego just keeps inflating more and more.

“‘Upset!’ exploded Eragon.” – (p.351)

- I wish Eragon actually exploded.

“‘But you can’t indulge in wanton violence. Where is your empathy?’ growled Eragon.” – (p.352)

- Once again, irony. Isn’t shooting arrows through birds for no reason wanton violence?

“The horses were exhausted to the point of stopping,” – (p.347) “They rode at a rate that Eragon would have thought impossible a week ago; the leagues melted away before them” – (p.352)

- Yeah, the horses were almost unable to walk, then there was a fight, now they are running extremely fast. How does that work?

Flight Through the Valley

“The valley was so restricted it could easily be overlooked. The Beartooth river, which Arya had mentioned, flowed out of it” – (p.357)

- How could it be easily overlooked if a river is flowing out of it?

“‘They are very old,’ said Saphira. Touching a trunk with her nose. ‘Yes,’ said Eragon, ‘but not friendly.’” – (p.357)

- How can a tree be unfriendly?

“Eragon gasped and panted; there didn’t seem to be enough air… ‘I can’t… breath.’” – (p.360)

- Eragon and Saphira have been flying higher and higher for a while now. There would not suddenly be a shortage of air. It would happen gradually.

“His vision faded into swirling darkness… ‘You backed out,’” – (p.360)

- Black out count: 9

“That explains it! Saphira, if you’re right, then those are Kull, elite of the Urgals.” – (p.363)

- Wait… So they are Uruk-hia?

The Horns of a Dilemma

“The forsworn never had any children, least of all Morzan.” – (p.369)

- What would Eragon know about the Forsworn? He grew up in his own little world. He would know nothing about this, besides the little stories he was told. Why does he always act like he knows what he is talking about?

“She crashed through the trees and brush as she barreled from the river to his side, fangs bared, tail raised threateningly. ‘Be ready for anything,’ she warned. ‘He may be able t use magic.” – (p.369)

- If Murtagh was planning on killing Eragon, Eragon would already be dead. Why would him revealing his father suddenly make him want to attack?

“‘I don’t love the Empire or the king. I have no allegiance to them,’ … ‘I must know,’ pressed Eragon. ‘Do you serve the Empire?’ ‘No.’” – (p.370)

- Umm… He just answered that, right before you asked. I am really starting to think CP never bothered to read this.

“I don’t want him killed by accident.” – (p.371)

- If he was killed, I doubt it would be by accident.

“Up close a Kull was as tall as a small giant,” – (p.373)

- We have no idea who tall a Kull is. Why would you compare it to another creature when we don’t know how tall that one is either?

Hunting For Answers

“His close-set eyes shifted from point to point with cunning speed.” – (p.380)

- How can the speed that his eyes move be cunning?

“Eragon faltered, gritting his teeth… exposing himself to the ravening probe. Disappointment emanated from the bald man. His battering intensified… There was something profoundly wrong about it.” – (p.382)

- Looks like the innuendo is back.

“a fresh wave of pain racked him… ‘Give him what he wants,’ she said quickly. Eragon winced as the probe dug in farther,” – (p.382)

- It’s back with a vengeance, apparently.

“there was nothing else for Eragon to do but wait for the bald man to finish…His entire body was rigid, jaw locked tightly. Heat radiated from his skin, and a line of sweat rolled down his neck. He was acutely aware of each second as the long minutes crept by. The bald man began to withdraw from Eragon… The probe was extracted like a splinter being removed. Eragon shuddered, swayed, then fell toward the floor. Strong arms caught him at the last second, lowering him to the cool marble. He heard Orik exclaim from behind him, ‘You went to far! He wasn’t strong enough for this.’ ‘He’ll live. That’s all that is needed,’ answered the bald man curtly.” – (p.383)

- Seriously, these couple pages are a gold mine for innuendo.

The Glory of Tronjhiem

“Bored, he examined one of the lanterns. It was made of a single piece of teardrop-shaped glass, about twice the size of a lemon, and filled with soft blue light that neither wavered nor flickered. Four slim metal ribs wrapped smoothly around the glass, meeting at the bottom where they melded together into three graceful legs. The whole piece was quite attractive.” – (p.394)

- Eragon being bored doesn’t mean we should be too.

“the bald man was waiting with Orik, who held Tornac’s and Snowfire’s reins. ‘You will ride single file down the center of the tunnel,’ instructed the bald man. ‘If you attempt to go anywhere else, you will be stopped.’ When Eragon started to climb onto Saphira, the bald man shouted, ‘No! Ride your horse until I tell you otherwise.’” – (p.395)

- Seriously? He thought he could ride Saphira? Why would Orik be holding his horse for him if that was what he was supposed to do?

“For a brief second the crowd hesitated, then a wild roar swept through it, and a wave of sound crashed over Eragon… Relieved, Eragon sat straighter and playfully asked Saphira, ‘Shall we go?’” – (p.398)

- Watches Eragon’s ego inflate If this thing gets any bigger, Eragon might explode.

Ajihad

“If you are declared trustworthy, the Twins will remove all knowledge of Farthen Dur’s location from your mind before you leave.” – (p.404)

- Why would he have to be declared trustworthy before they wipe his mind? If they could wipe his mind he wouldn’t need to be trustworthy, because he wouldn’t remember anything to tell.

“You are an enigma, Eragon, a quandary that no one knows how to solve.” – (p.407)

- HA! Actually, Eragon is extremely simple and stereotypical.

“dragons made a habit out of eating dwarves’ flocks and stealing their gold.” – (p.411)

- Why would dragons need gold?

“Ajihad looked troubled. ‘Brom was considered one of our strongest spell weavers. Only the elves surpassed him. If what you say is true, we will have to reconsider a great many things.’” – (p.417)

- Why would Eragon being strong trouble Ajihad? And why would they have to reconsider a great many things just because Eragon is strong?

Bless the Child, Argetlam

“keep your bow. We must trust these people, though not to the point of foolishness.” – (p.423)

- What would he do with the bow? If he was betrayed and ambushed it wouldn’t be from a distance, and if it was there wouldn’t be time for him to use his bow. He has magic for that. Plus, wouldn’t it look better if he went around with out a weapon? People would trust him more and it would look like he trusts them more. Worst comes to worst he could use magic.

“Afterward he floated with his eyes closed, enjoying the warmth… Orik was waiting for him.” – (p.427)

- Eragon is relaxing and taking his sweet time while poor little Orik is sitting there waiting.

“behind the open arches that line each level is a single unbroken staircase that spirals around the wall of Tronjhiem’s central chamber. The stairs climb all the way to the dragon hold above Isidar Mithrim. We call it Vol Turin, the Endless Staircase. Running up or down isn’t swift enough for an emergency, nor convenient enough for casual use.” – (p.427)

- Then why build it? It sounds like it’s just a big hassle.

“The slide was built for dwarves and is too narrow for a man.” – (p.427)

- This doesn’t make much sense. Dwarves are thick and stocky, while Eragon is fairly slim. Wouldn’t it work better for him?

“Saphira landed a spear’s throw away,” – (p.427)

- Thanks for using description most of your readers will be able to visualize.

“How will I know when it’s morning?” – (p.428)

- The sun will be up…

“I should be back in Carvahall with Roran.” – (p.429)

- Roran isn’t in Carvahall.

“Something is changing me.” – (p.430)

- It’s called puberty.

“Farm boy’s are not named for the first Rider without cause.” – (p.430)

- Sure they are. People can be named something for no reason at all.

Mandrake Root and Newt’s Tongue

“‘I like this,’ said Eragon. ‘It feel’s safe.’” – (p.431) “For the first time since entering Farthen Dur, Eragon felt secure” – (p.433)

- Another mistake by Paolini. It says it was the first time he felt secure since arriving at Farthen Dur, yet just a few pages earlier, in the last chapter, Eragon said he felt safe.

“His gaze roamed the cave’s rough ceiling as he thought of Arya. Chiding himself for daydreaming, he tilted his head and looked out at the dragon hold.” – (p.433)

- Really? The daydreaming is the problem? Not constantly thinking of Arya every couple seconds?

Hall of the Mountain King

“A dark hall lay before them, a good bowshot long.” – (p.440)

- Again, good job using description the majority of your readers will be able to accurately visualize.

“Do you know why this seat was quarried so flat and angular? So that no one would sit comfortably on it.” – (p.443)

- This sounds a lot like the Iron Throne in A Song of Ice and Fire.

“I would not take the throne in Uru’baen… not unless there was no one else willing or competent enough to take it.” – (p.443)

- The thought of Eragon being competent makes me laugh.

“unfamiliar footsteps approached from behind the bookcase. The sound startled him, but he berated himself for being silly – he could not be the only person in the library. Even so, he quietly replaced the book and slipped away, senses alert for danger.” – (p.446)

- Wow, this kid is paranoid.

“This is difficult enough without you making comments!” – (p.447)

- What are you doing trying to help me? Be quiet, woman!

Arya’s Test

“How strong are you?” – (p.454)

- What kind of question is that?

“Strong enough,” – (p. 455)

- What kind of answer is that?

“The Twins stalked toward them, their bald heads pale against their purple robes. Orik muttered something in his own language as he slipped his war ax out of his belt.” – (p.455)

- Why would he slip out his ax? Is it a feeble attempt at intimidation? Because it isn’t like he would actually attack them… Unless he is really stupid.

“‘Why can’t someone else test him?’ ‘No one else is powerful enough,’ sniffed the Twins. Saphira rumbled deeply and glared at them. A line of smoke trickled from her nostrils,” -(p.455)

- Why would she be mad at that? They are the strongest at magic in the area, except Arya, but that wouldn’t work because Eragon needs his knight in shinning armor. Also, were the Twins just speaking in unison?

“The silver shimmered, and a ghostly image of the ring materialized next to it. The two were identical except that the apparition glowed white-hot. At the sight of it, the Twins spun on their heels and fled.” – (p.458)

- Why would they flee from that? “Oh my god! A ghost ring! Even though we obviously have prior knowledge about this it is horrifying! Run!”

“Orik and Fredric were on their feet, eyeing Arya warily. Saphira crouched, ready for action.” – (p.458)

- Oh no! She can use magic! That obviously means she could be evil! Be on guard everyone.

“‘I claim the right of trail by arms.‘… ‘She wants to know how proficient I am.’” – (p.459)

- Wow. It took him an entire page to figure out that she was testing him, even though she told him that she was going to be doing his trial.

“You find her form pleasing, do you not?” – (p.461)

- Obviously. He obsesses over her.

“You’re jealous, aren’t you!” -(p.461)

- This just got a lot weirder. Saphira wishes that Eragon had a creepy crush on her, too.

The Shadows Lengthen

“There are hundreds of tunnels throughout the Beor Mountains, uninhabited since the day they were mind. The only dwarves who go in them are eccentrics” – (p.468)

- A few problems with this. Why would they mine them if nobody was going to use them. Also, it says they are uninhabited, then that eccentrics use them. That means it isn’t uninhabited.

“‘This,’ he said, ‘is where the dwarf claimed to have come form.’ ‘Orthiad!’ exclaimed Orik. At Jormundur’s puzzled inquiry, he explained, ‘It’s an ancient dwelling of ours that was deserted when Tronjheim was completed. During its time it was the greatest of our cities. But no one’s lived there for centuries.’” – (p.468)

- Um… Obviously people have lived there… Like the dwarf you are talking about right now.

“‘it’s dragon armor,‘… ‘Dragon armor!’” – (p.473)

- Must he repeat everything he hears?

“Eragon stared at he helplessly, knowing she was right and hating the fact.” – (p.477)

- A woman knows better than me? How can it be?

“‘Then stay safe.’ Out of desperation, he added in the ancient language, ‘Woi pomnuria ilian.’ For my happiness. Arya turned her gaze away uneasily,” – (p.477)

- God he is creepy.

“Eragon alternated between myopically examining the links of his mail and spying on Arya.” – (p.477)

- Wow… I am honestly starting to think that this whole thing is just a joke, and that CP knows that this is a horrible book, and that Eragon is a freaky stalker.

“The air was dead, motionless. Even when it grew warm and stifling and filled with smoke, there was no reprieve.” – (p.477)

- Why would any of those three things he just listed give them reprieve?

Battle Under Farthen Dur

“Harsh Urgal shouts shattered the air as dark shapes boiled upward in the tunnel’s opening… He sheathed Zar’roc and strung his bow.” – (p.479)

- God, he is doing it again. Waiting until the very last second. Bow stringing count: 7

“The Urgal line wavered, threatening to break,” – (p.480)

- Seriously? Their ranks almost broke after one volley?

“Eragon raised his eyes to the heavens, tears streaming down his cheeks.” – (p.490)

- Cry count: 16

“Bereft of strength, Eragon fell back with arms outstretched.” – (p.491)

- Black out count: 10

The Mourning Sage

“for the first time, he was proud of who he was.” – (p.492)

- It seemed that he thought quite highly of himself throughout the entire story, actually.

“Who was he to think he could challenge the powers of Alagaesia and live?” – (p.493)

- This doesn’t make any sense. Nobody was challenging the powers of Alagaesia…

“The stranger was right; what he had accomplished was worthy of honor , of recognition.” – (p.494)

- Bow to me mortals.

“He slid his hand toward the base of his neck and unexpectedly felt a hard bump about a half-inch wide. He followed it down his back with growing horror… ‘You have paid a terrible price for your deed.’ Dismay filled Eragon… He was disfigured.” – (p.497)

- Oh, come on. A terrible price? It’s just a scar. At least he is alive and still has all of his limbs. He should be happy to have such a souvenir. Now he doesn’t look like the little priss that he is.

My Overview

Well, it’s finally finished. I will need to cleanse my brain now. Anyways, I’ll give you some totals of everything that I kept a count on now:
Bow stringing: 7, that means Eragon strung his bow (almost every time at a bad moment) once for every 71 pages.
Blacking out: 10, that means Eragon blacked out once for every 50 pages.
Crying: 16, that means Eragon cried once for every 31 pages.

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