Maradonia and the Seven Bridges Spork, Part Two
Hey, this is Ari and her crazy friend, Sing, from da ‘hood. Pan is still around somewhere, but he decided to take the backseat for this one.
We’re here with the second sporking of Maradonia and the Seven Bridges, which is a literary disaster that makes our brains boil wonderful piece of writing. This is Chapter One. It’s preceded by this freaky drawing lovely piece of artwork.
Some have wondered. Who is Gloria Tesch? For those who didn’t visit the website, you can read her bio here.
Gloria Tesch was born on April 17,1994 in San Diego, Southern California. Gloria Tesch is a master story teller and she was crafting her tales, characters and places of ‘Maradonia and the Seven Bridges” with extraordinary diligent and talent. Gloria Tesch has the brightness of vision necessary to create sweeping epics and it is the storyteller’s simplicity and gift that makes readers love her. Gloria Tesch celebrated her thirteenth Birthday when she presented her first book of the Maradonia Saga, ‘Maradonia and the Seven Bridges’.
Gloria Tesch started writing when she was nearly eleven years old. She wrote short stories, poems and was a frequent visitor at the local library. Sometimes she was reading more than five different books per week. The love for fantasy and fiction inspired her to write the 90 chapter ‘Debut Novel’ – ‘Maradonia and the Seven Bridges’.
Incredible. She really is a master. Five books a week? shakes head Unparalleled, that is. [/endsarcasm]
…Mmkay. Thankfully (for everyone) this chapter’s much shorter, so you can get through it easier. There’s also lovely photos for you to enjoy. But beware…Sing’s Taiwanese/Chinese/Generic Azn. This automatically mean things are going to get crazy.
Really crazy.
THE NEW SCHOOL
“Get up! It’s your first day of school. Maya and Joey, you don’t want to be late.”
Their mom called from the kitchen.
Sing: The New School. Oh good. Angst time.
Ari: Nice font size change. Reminds me of a picture book.
Sing: Thus peter rabbit was hunted down by Farmer George, skinned, and is now being chopped up by their mom calling from the kitchen.
Ari: Nuooooo! Not Peter rabbit D:
Sing: …
Ari: AHEM. First thing: grammar fail. And she called to their bedrooms from the kitchen? How small is the house?
Sing: Actually, I’m wondering where the comma went. O_O Isn’t it supposed to be ‘late…,” their mom called from the kitchen.’?
Ari: NO COMMAS ALLOWED, FOOL. Not in the hood.
Sing: D: is cowed
Maya was very excited to go to the new school and she was hoping to make some new friends.
Ari: Sounds like something from a second grader’s story.
Sing: And she’s obviously never been new. I WAS EXPECTING ANGST >:O. PS. To readers: that was an entire paragraph. No. Really.
Ari: Time for a new drinking game. This time, it’s every time we smell a Sue.
The family had moved during their summer vacation to Oceanside.
Joey knew that the new school would be challenging but he also knew that he could make friends easier than anyone else.
Maya was different. She was tall and a very beautiful girl and although she stood out of the crowd, she was extremely shy and did not make new friends easily.
Ari: Here’s the first infodump. Maya was different. SUE ALERT. drinks
Sing: drinks Tall, beautiful, stood out in a crowd, shy. She’s perfect.
Ari: Did this girl read the manual for sues and copy directly from it?
Sing: No. She wrote the manual, foo. With the help of CP and Meyers. And why do I smell a self-insert? Not to mention that she reminds me of Bella.
Ari: dies What. Even Bella is better than this. At least Eragon is a sociopath and Bella got the hot vampire dude, and she was sort of funny…falling a lot.
Sing: Eragon’s not supposed to be a sociopath though… and her hot vampire dude…well…sparkles.
Maya and Joey got along just fine but in many ways they were opposites.
Sing: Opposites attract. ….incest?
Ari: Totally.
Sing: My thought process frightens me.
Ari: …I was thinking the same.
Pan: appears You two are such perverts.
Maya was always hesitant and she was mostly thinking before she started doing anything.
Sing: Awkward prose make my eyeballs spin. So she was thinking before, but only mostly… did she stop thinking after?
Ari: I sense innuendo.
Sing: He’s pushing her too hard. Don’t give in, Maya!
Ari: Abstinence is key. She doesn’t want to go that far yet. Don’t worry though. Virginity is a gift you can rewrap… again…and again… a never-ending Christmas!
Joey was spontaneously acting before he started to think about a situation. Often they disagreed on private matters and it took them a while to agree on something.
Sing: I. Am. Dying. This is beyond grammar fail. This is grammar torture, rape, and murder.
Ari: I know. …I wonder what private matters is. :O
Sing: It’s none of our business. It’s private. winkwink
Ari: “But Joey, I don’t want to become a woman, yet.” “Make me a man, Maya!”
After Maya and Joey had finished breakfast, they walked to the bus stop and waited for the bright yellow bus to arrive.
Sing: MAGIC SCHOOL BUS 8D
Ari: So what? That’s what they ride in America.
Sing: But it’s bright. The lack of dust or mud or anything most school buses have must be symbolic. It’s special. It’s a sign of destiny. It’s foreshadowing … Look, I’m trying to help her here.
Ari: … Right. At least they don’t have the weird buses like here in china.
Sing: No, we just have boring gray buses with kid spitup up the aisles.
Starting school at ‘Oceanside High’ was more difficult then Maya thought.
Ari: Not the random quotation marks again. Why does she do this?
Sing: Of course, being ‘shy’ and ‘new’, she wouldn’t have thought it would be ‘difficult.’
Joey made friends instantly. He was always popular.
Ari: poof instant friends! Just mix with water. drinks
Sing: Popular! You’re gonna be po-pu~lar! I’ll teach you the proper poise, when you talk to boys~~
Ari: Nuoooo. Wrong story. I wish we were watching Wicked.
Sing: <3
At his old school, Joey was once part of a nationwide painting poster-contest and he won this contest. He received many letters from several congressmen in Washington, from the governor and from the superintendent of all the schools of the state.
Sing: Wow. Awesome poster painting = National recognition. My Gary Stu senses are tingling.
Ari: She’s obviously never won a contest in her life. drinks
Sing: My 3rd grade essay in a how drugs are bad contest won me a Frisbee once.
Ari: Once I won a pack of condoms…wait, wrong story. Forget I said that.
He kept these letters in his treasure box in his room and he is still very proud to have them.
Sing: Along with his security blankie…
Ari: And a pile of pirated porn…or Playboy. Tense usage fail.
Sing: They used the Playboy bunny’s skin to make the cover of this book.
Ari: What happened to puppies? shock
During the banquet in honor of Joey in his old school, a real senator from Washington was greeting Joey in the name of the President and was praising Joey’s ability by saying, “Joey, you have great potential. When I look at your poster I can see your ability as a bridge builder, who can create in his fantasy bridges into different dimensions.”
Sing: All this for painting a poster. Maybe I should paint a poster. drinks
Ari: It must be a pretty epic poster. drinks
Sing: It was. It had fantasy bridges. And I still don’t get what he’s trying to say.
Ari: A real senator.
Sing: As opposed to a fake senator? We have enough of those. They want something. It’s in the way they smile at you.
Ari: We can use someone like you, Joey. By the way, what senator would say that?
Sing: Actually, what human being would say that. I can’t make heads or tails of it. I keep thinking there’s a word missing there.
Ari: Glora Tesch, obviously. And I think there is.
When Maya saw her brother running in the school park or walking in the hallways during recess she always saw a bunch of teenagers who gathered around Joey.
Sing: Ohhh, jealousy. Sibling rivalry. It’s getting better. And I think Joey should sparkle.
Ari: I WANT A SCHOOL PARK. Why don’t we have a school park?
When Maya said “Hello” to anyone of the students and tried to be friendly, no one really responded.
Ari: O_O First time she used quotations properly
Sing: I’m afraid to move.
Most of them just looked at her and treated her as a stranger in the new school. They felt that Maya was somehow different than the other students but they did not exactly know what it was.
Sing: Because she is a stranger?
Ari: Duh. You’re the new kid. And it’s time for another drink. drinks
Sing: And she’s different. They don’t understand her. Make the jump to Planet Sue with Ludicrous speed (> ._______.)> sips bubbletea
Ari: Don’t tell me you’re drinking bubble tea. Which, for all you folks at home, is this:
Sing: I am. AZN PRIDE. >3< You are such a traitor to the azn awesomity.
Ari: You sound like Kenneth Eng. is white
Sing: … shoots eng
Ari: I’ve taught you well.
It took Maya several months to make a couple of new friends but she made also some enemies. One of them was ‘Alana Terence’! She was a member of the ‘Gothic Movement’ and she had a very rebellious spirit.
Sing: ‘Alana Terence’!!1111! In quotations AND italics. This is so hardcore.
Ari: Of the goffick movement. Like in My Immortal.
Sing: You’re doing it wrong. It’s the ‘Goffick Movement’ And never remind me of that fic again. >.<
Ari: What’s the gothic movement? I didn’t know Goths were organized like that.
Sing: Maybe it’s a clique, but they have a special ‘Utimate Evil™’ name because they’re so epic like that. It’s in quotations after all.
Ari: And why are Goths always automatically bad people?
Sing: I dunno. I have a friend back in California. She’s Goth, and she’s awesome, and smart, and funny.
Ari: I know really nice gothic people, and they just like wearing black. Nothing wrong with that.
Sing: I think Maya’s just jealous.
Ari: I’m jealous. I want to be in the ‘Gothic Movement’
Sing: We should start one. I’m wearing black already.
She was one of the ‘bullies’ in the school and she was mean to everyone, especially to Maya, because she sensed a different spirit in her.
Sing: ‘bullies’. Because these are special bullies. They abuse quotations. Kinda like how ‘Gloria’ does. And Alana reminds me of Alanna.
Ari: Tamora Pierce owns this thing a bazillion times. This shouldn’t be used as toilet paper to wipe Tamora’s butt.
Sing: Lovely image, Ari. ANYWAYS. Tamora Pierce is win. And her guys are sexy.
Ari: I <3 Numair.
Sing: OH ‘DARK AND SEXY’ 8D
Ari: Is Alana psychic? Or are they all just really New Age-y?
Sing: drinks I dunknow.
Being fifteen and starting in a new school was not easy.
Sing: We’ve established this. Not to mention the million kids in the world who have been new before already know without you banging her insecurity into our heads to make us pity her. You don’t have to do that. We already do.
Maya felt still like a stranger in the new school.
Ari: Who knew that new kids would feel strange?
Sing: Maya still felt like a stranger. It’s not that hard to switch two words, girl.
Although Maya had several problems, she was a highly unusual girl in many ways. She was a very spiritual and a very serious person.
Sing: Several problems. This might explain a lot.
Ari: Highly unusual. Sue alert. drinks
Sing: She’s spweshial :O drinks bubbletea
Ari: The author is supposedly Christian. Is this supposed to convert people? I’m Christian and I don’t want to be converted.
Sing: Reminds me of CP and atheism. Well, give her props for trying to send a message in her writing. Better than a plotless sex fantasy gloop like Twilight.
AriL Hey, Twilight has messages. smears on eyeliner It’s deep, okay???? OKAY?
Soon after Maya was born, her grandmother was holding her in her arms and said, “This is indeed a very serious child!”
Ari: This is such Trainwreck/10. So horrible, yet fascinating.
Sing: I think her grandma couldn’t find anything nice to say.
Ari: It reminds me of the Lion King…when Rafiki held Simba over the cliff and stuff. HE WILL BE KING.
Sing: Alright. My inner writer can’t stand this. Must. Fix. “Soon after Maya was born, her grandmother had held her in her arms and said, “This is a very serious child, indeed!” Ok. I think I made it worse D: Maybe there’s a reason she doesn’t use proper grammar.
Ari: It’s a statement. Be cool. Don’t use grammar. I mean, who uses it anymore? So yesterday.
When Maya was four years old she started painting huge oil paintings and worked with water colors.
Ari: AT FOUR YEARS OLD?
Sing: Oh woopee. Another prodigy. When I was 4, I finger-painted.
Ari: When I was four, I ate play-dough, and chased butterflies. drinks
Sing: I watched Sesame Street :3 And cried whenever I saw Barney.
Ari: high fives I watched Magic School Bus. I didn’t paint frickin’ huge oil paintings.
Sing: I did. I was ‘a highly unusual girl’.
With eight years, she had her first exhibition in form of an article in the ‘National Journal of Art’ with an interview and six of her best pictures.
Sing: Does she mean ‘within’ eight years?
Ari: Is there really a National Journal of Art?
Sing: Why not? It’s in quotations after all.
Ari: I Googled it. There’s nothing.
Sing: You know. Most people with true talent, Picasso, Whitman, weren’t made famous until after they died. And here she is, so amazingly talented and worshiped while she’s still alive. You’d think she’d develop into a more arrogant archetype.
Ari: Should we kill her then?
Sing: We should. Maybe then we’d appreciate her more.
Maya wrote stories and poems and was building statues from clay.
Ari: O rly nao? Sing, this is for you.
Sing: <3 that. My tip for her? Join the Art Club.
She was a very optimistic girl about everything in life but she was absolutely unhappy in the new school and she could not really figure out ‘why’ she was so unhappy.
Sing: .___________. She was a very optimistic girl. Now, why doesn’t this make sense to me?
Ari: angstangstcutcut ‘why’ DDDD: ‘Why’ Why cannot I find true wuv? D:
Sing: Maybe she’s not trying to be liked. Oh wait, no, she said hello, and she has a couple of friends.
Ari: ‘Why’ am I so beautiful and talented? It’s SUCH A CURSE.
Maya had the peculiar feeling that everybody hated her for just being there.
Ari: I hate her for just being there.
Sing: When I see ‘peculiar feeling’, my mind goes off on dirty tangents.
Ari: Me too. I have this peculiar feeling… in my pants.
By sansafro
on Apr 7, 11:06 PM