Yep. And there’s this one scene where she catches a glimpse of him just staring at her while she sleeps, upon which she jerks upright, turns on the light, and he’s no longer there.
So, this was one of the scenes that my friends could no longer endure and actually laugghed very loudly at, to the annoyance of the Twi-hards around us. Then my friend and I had a lengthy discussion after about how this sets women back about fifty years, and men back about forty.
Women are treated like property and are happy about it, and men are supposed to be robots who look like greek gods (who were all in-bred twits, btw).
Typically, the problem with Vampires when it came to bullets wasn’t that you couldn’t harm them with it, it was that getting shot didn’t do much – what’s a half-inch hole going to do to a corpse?
Wooden Stake through the heart either kills the Vampire or paralyzes it, unless you’re stoned and reading Anne Rice novels. It has to do with stopping blood flow and tying the Vampire back to the Earth it lay on.
To be safe, in the event of Vampires, begin the process with a long-range shot to the base of the neck. If properly aimed, this will sever the spine and spinal cord, hopefully preventing them from moving much until the damage is recovered. Continue by blowing out both kneecaps and a shot to the cranium. At this point, the Vampire should be helpless. Then approach and fire six twelve-gauge shotgun blasts into the face and chest. Shackle the Vampire’s arms and legs, then take a wooden stake and mallet and drive your stake through the ribcage and into the heart. Be precise. Take an axe and sever the head, then, being VERY Careful (Wear gloves) stuff the mouth with garlic. Chop the Vampire into at least five pieces and load it into a truck and haul it to an incinerator. Burn it until it is ashes, then scatter the ashes over holy ground.
Well, how many times do we need to say that Edward is a creepy stalker? How many times must we point out how shallow Bella is regarding her sparkly stalker. “It’s ok because he’s pretty.”
Anyway, on an unrelated topic, what do you think it would be like if SM had switched the gender rolls? Like made the protagonist an insecure boy and the love interest a dazzlingly beautiful vampire woman. How long would people put up with passages like this? “I noticed her beautiful, flawless breasts from across the room, and I could barely catch my breath. I tried to draw my eyes upward and focus on the teacher, but my eyes were irrevocably drawn to her sculpted bust. Her lips were flawless. Her eyes were the color of liquid gold and I thought I saw her glance at me, her eyes smoldering seductively. No way. I was imagining things. Guys like me don’t deserve women that perfect.”
Any male author describing a woman the way SMeyer describes Edward would be swiftly (and rightfully) condemned as a sexist pig. Granted, objectifying men probably isn’t as bad as making her lead lady a spineless doormat, but still. Just something to think about.
I thought about this too. I came to pretty much the same conclusion.
I think the whole series would have been better if James had killed Bella after a book of making the reader really care about her. Then it would have switched to Ed’s POV in the second, with the inclusion of the wolves, and they would have hunted him down or somesuch.
Well, how many times do we need to say that Edward is a creepy stalker? How many times must we point out how shallow Bella is regarding her sparkly stalker. “It’s ok because he’s pretty.”
This was just supposed to be pointless amusement, not a probe into Edward and Bella’s characters.
I’d rather read the spineless guy with hawt vampire girl than the crap we have, it would at least be enjoyable. But I wonder if we’d have rabid fanboys.. hm..
Basically, it’s just Edward (the vampire) watching Bella as she sleeps, because apparently he’s got nothing better left to do.
I can’t imagine it would be very interesting, just watching someone lie there. But then again, she ‘moans Edward’s name’ or whatever. So maybe interesting in a disturbing sort of way.
Thus making up the ‘stalker’ part of ‘stalker-abuser’.
Eugh, what the hell. Ok, I can understand, if a loved one is sleeping in your arms, you’ll get that sense of calm and peace and can’t help smiling when you look down.
…But that’s not the case. Jeez. I mean. I’d understand if Bella goes to bed in lingerie – and on mid summer’s night not even that – that Edward would just have to take a peak.
…but… it’s not even that…
What the fuck sort of romance is SMeyer promoting?
I’ve got a question of delicate nature…
If all the vamps freak out when Bella gets a papercut, how come nothing happens when she gets her…em… monthly curse?
I think it points out to a severe lack of detail attention. As if that wasn’t clear enough already!
There’s actually only about 35 mL of blood in the menstrual fluid. Most of the rest is made up of the endometrium, the uterine liining, as Corsair said.
But, yeah. Still blood. Besides, by those criteria, the moment blood left the veins, it would be dead, which would mean that the blood that Bella bleeds at random moments would technically be dead as well. rolls eyes
Did Meyer say the ‘Dead Blood’ thing, or was that just a Fan wank?
It’s also possible that Meyerian Vampires are vulnerable to ‘Dead Man’s Blood’, and that menstrual fluid and the blood within works as that. Thus, they don’t start a Killfrenzy when it happens.
This is Vampires we’re talking about here, they’re already the living personification of hematolagnia. Drinking menstrual blood probably wouldn’t disgust them.
Yeah, I figure that it’s got to be pretty nasty, but I’m not a wannabe Vampire, so meh. Incidentally, there’s a surprising number of named psychological conditions for this.
But didn’t Kitty do other submissions on Paint? Whatever. It’s still cool, and way beyond what I would ever be able to do.
(I know a girl who can do amazing anime on Paint, but that’s WAY beyond my skill level. Maybe on a good day I’ll be able to draw a second-grade equivalent of a tree.)
In the movie, Edward was inside the room. Heheh.
— SlyShy · Nov 22, 10:54 PM · #
Fantard is such a good word.
— Hedwig Widrig · Nov 22, 10:58 PM · #
I like to watch you sleep.
stalks
You moan my name in your sleep. That’s hot.
— Elanor Sarralyn · Nov 22, 10:59 PM · #
Win.
— Lord Snow · Nov 22, 11:00 PM · #
Very nice. And he was in the room in the movie? That’s scarier.
— Virgil · Nov 22, 11:33 PM · #
Yep. And there’s this one scene where she catches a glimpse of him just staring at her while she sleeps, upon which she jerks upright, turns on the light, and he’s no longer there.
I vote that he hid under her bed.
— Elanor Sarralyn · Nov 22, 11:35 PM · #
Bwahahhahaha!
Sorry. Very unladylike. But that was hilarious. XD
@ Hedwig:
Actually, some people call rabid fans Twi-tards, which is an alteration of Twi-hard. Same as fantard, just a bit more specific.
— Snow White Queen · Nov 23, 12:29 AM · #
awwww, arent they cute? in a very sick and disturbing way:P
— falconempress · Nov 23, 02:46 PM · #
serioulsy…my friends call edtard ‘romantic.’
i need new friends.
— Lily · Nov 23, 05:38 PM · #
He is actually in her room? And girls think this is romantic??
*cocks gun *
Try it, Edward.
Try.
— Juni · Nov 23, 07:06 PM · #
No, no. You need to kiss him. And then he’ll fling himself away. Duh.
— Elanor Sarralyn · Nov 23, 07:11 PM · #
Are Meyer vampires susceptible to the traditional weapons?
— Hedwig Widrig · Nov 23, 07:11 PM · #
Nope. He’s bulletproof.
— Addie · Nov 23, 07:22 PM · #
Apparently, the only way to stop a vampire is with fire.
*brings a flamethrower *
— Mr. Wednesday · Nov 23, 07:37 PM · #
But my gun shoots anti-SMeyer rays.
It’s a specialized laser, powered by a secret stone that holds the hearts of many dead vampires…wait.
I’m getting my crappy fiction all confused.
— Juni · Nov 23, 08:21 PM · #
Uh-huh. And the stone also powers up its user.
— LiquidNitrogen · Nov 23, 09:19 PM · #
So, this was one of the scenes that my friends could no longer endure and actually laugghed very loudly at, to the annoyance of the Twi-hards around us. Then my friend and I had a lengthy discussion after about how this sets women back about fifty years, and men back about forty.
Women are treated like property and are happy about it, and men are supposed to be robots who look like greek gods (who were all in-bred twits, btw).
yay SMeyer.
— Rhaego · Nov 23, 09:20 PM · #
Actually, he’s like solid marble, which makes him more vulnerable to powerful weapons. Barret .50 to the chest would shatter him.
— Corsair · Nov 23, 09:30 PM · #
Pfsht, cause the rest of the book is soooo grounded in the realm of reality.
— Rhaego · Nov 23, 09:34 PM · #
I’ve never seen anyone’s objections about reality stop an armor-piercing bullet.
— Corsair · Nov 23, 09:36 PM · #
Haha, I wondered about that as well. How high does their bullet-proof threshhold go?
— Rhaego · Nov 23, 09:38 PM · #
Typically, the problem with Vampires when it came to bullets wasn’t that you couldn’t harm them with it, it was that getting shot didn’t do much – what’s a half-inch hole going to do to a corpse?
— Corsair · Nov 23, 09:53 PM · #
So what’s special about silver? And wooden stakes?
— Hedwig Widrig · Nov 23, 09:54 PM · #
Wooden Stake through the heart either kills the Vampire or paralyzes it, unless you’re stoned and reading Anne Rice novels. It has to do with stopping blood flow and tying the Vampire back to the Earth it lay on.
Silver, on the other hand, is apocrypha.
— Corsair · Nov 23, 09:58 PM · #
True, true. I am personally a fan of the Nuclear Plan.
You know, where the only thing that can kill a vamp is a nuclear mutant that was a vampire before exposure to ha-yooge amounts of radiation.
— Rhaego · Nov 23, 10:01 PM · #
To be safe, in the event of Vampires, begin the process with a long-range shot to the base of the neck. If properly aimed, this will sever the spine and spinal cord, hopefully preventing them from moving much until the damage is recovered. Continue by blowing out both kneecaps and a shot to the cranium. At this point, the Vampire should be helpless. Then approach and fire six twelve-gauge shotgun blasts into the face and chest. Shackle the Vampire’s arms and legs, then take a wooden stake and mallet and drive your stake through the ribcage and into the heart. Be precise. Take an axe and sever the head, then, being VERY Careful (Wear gloves) stuff the mouth with garlic. Chop the Vampire into at least five pieces and load it into a truck and haul it to an incinerator. Burn it until it is ashes, then scatter the ashes over holy ground.
— Corsair · Nov 23, 10:10 PM · #
WOW! That is a super-kill. That thing is so dead, its children just exploded.
— Rhaego · Nov 23, 10:16 PM · #
We don’t yet have the technology to sterilize the region from orbit, so this is the only way to be sure.
— Corsair · Nov 23, 10:27 PM · #
Rather a time-consuming process, methinks.
By the way, I never understood how Edward managed to father a kid if he’s a corpse.
— Snow White Queen · Nov 23, 10:37 PM · #
Pfsht, it was obviously his great love for Bella, Queen. duh!
— Rhaego · Nov 23, 10:39 PM · #
He didn’t. The child isn’t Edward’s.
— Corsair · Nov 23, 10:52 PM · #
Haha, how much of a plot twist would that have been?
— Rhaego · Nov 23, 10:56 PM · #
Whose, then? Would have been even weirder if the child was Jacob’s. Seeing Edward flip out about it would be freakin’ hilarious.
Oh, but then, Jake imprints on the baby, doesn’t he?
Never mind then.
— Snow White Queen · Nov 23, 11:00 PM · #
That’s not necessarily a limitation. It’s not like the whole imprinting thing isn’t already creepy.
— Corsair · Nov 23, 11:30 PM · #
Pretty much every picture I’ve put on here has degenerated to offtopicosity.
— Kitty · Nov 23, 11:40 PM · #
Hey, think of it as a compliment!
— Snow White Queen · Nov 24, 12:40 AM · #
Ahaha, no.
— Kitty · Nov 24, 01:02 PM · #
Well, how many times do we need to say that Edward is a creepy stalker? How many times must we point out how shallow Bella is regarding her sparkly stalker. “It’s ok because he’s pretty.”
Anyway, on an unrelated topic, what do you think it would be like if SM had switched the gender rolls? Like made the protagonist an insecure boy and the love interest a dazzlingly beautiful vampire woman. How long would people put up with passages like this? “I noticed her beautiful, flawless breasts from across the room, and I could barely catch my breath. I tried to draw my eyes upward and focus on the teacher, but my eyes were irrevocably drawn to her sculpted bust. Her lips were flawless. Her eyes were the color of liquid gold and I thought I saw her glance at me, her eyes smoldering seductively. No way. I was imagining things. Guys like me don’t deserve women that perfect.”
Any male author describing a woman the way SMeyer describes Edward would be swiftly (and rightfully) condemned as a sexist pig. Granted, objectifying men probably isn’t as bad as making her lead lady a spineless doormat, but still. Just something to think about.
— Artimaeus · Nov 24, 09:41 PM · #
I thought about this too. I came to pretty much the same conclusion.
I think the whole series would have been better if James had killed Bella after a book of making the reader really care about her. Then it would have switched to Ed’s POV in the second, with the inclusion of the wolves, and they would have hunted him down or somesuch.
— Rhaego · Nov 24, 09:44 PM · #
Well, how many times do we need to say that Edward is a creepy stalker? How many times must we point out how shallow Bella is regarding her sparkly stalker. “It’s ok because he’s pretty.”
This was just supposed to be pointless amusement, not a probe into Edward and Bella’s characters.
— Kitty · Nov 24, 10:04 PM · #
Someone has to tell me what’s going on in this scene. It’s hilarious. :D
And I agree, no guy would’ve been able to write about a girl the way Edward is written of without being called a sexist pig… unfortunate.
— DrAlligator · Nov 25, 05:16 AM · #
I’d rather read the spineless guy with hawt vampire girl than the crap we have, it would at least be enjoyable. But I wonder if we’d have rabid fanboys.. hm..
— Virgil · Nov 25, 08:40 AM · #
No. Come on, the book would have to be written as a Romance/Comedy, not a Romance/Horror. You don’t get Rabid Fanboys on humor works.
— Corsair · Nov 25, 10:13 AM · #
@ Dr. Alligator:
Basically, it’s just Edward (the vampire) watching Bella as she sleeps, because apparently he’s got nothing better left to do.
I can’t imagine it would be very interesting, just watching someone lie there. But then again, she ‘moans Edward’s name’ or whatever. So maybe interesting in a disturbing sort of way.
Thus making up the ‘stalker’ part of ‘stalker-abuser’.
— Snow White Queen · Nov 25, 01:19 PM · #
Eugh, what the hell. Ok, I can understand, if a loved one is sleeping in your arms, you’ll get that sense of calm and peace and can’t help smiling when you look down.
…But that’s not the case. Jeez. I mean. I’d understand if Bella goes to bed in lingerie – and on mid summer’s night not even that – that Edward would just have to take a peak.
…but… it’s not even that…
What the fuck sort of romance is SMeyer promoting?
— DrAlligator · Nov 25, 02:02 PM · #
‘What the fuck sort of romance is SMeyer promoting?’
Exactly my question.
— Snow White Queen · Nov 25, 02:17 PM · #
I’ve got a question of delicate nature…
If all the vamps freak out when Bella gets a papercut, how come nothing happens when she gets her…em… monthly curse?
I think it points out to a severe lack of detail attention. As if that wasn’t clear enough already!
— Rand · Nov 25, 04:59 PM · #
People discussed this point on Y!A a lot. The fans said that it’s ‘dead blood’ and therefore not appetizing to the vampires.
That’s what they said, at least.
— Snow White Queen · Nov 25, 05:04 PM · #
Dead blood? xDDD It still smells like blood.
— Elanor Sarralyn · Nov 25, 08:20 PM · #
Excuse me. All blood is ‘alive’. Wot the heck. I’d assume dead things appeal to the undead people anyway.
— Rand · Nov 25, 08:36 PM · #
Hey, I didn’t say this, the fangirls did!
— Snow White Queen · Nov 25, 09:16 PM · #
This has been discussed previously. Isn’t that not actually blood but uterine lining or something like that?
— Corsair · Nov 25, 10:16 PM · #
There’s actually only about 35 mL of blood in the menstrual fluid. Most of the rest is made up of the endometrium, the uterine liining, as Corsair said.
But, yeah. Still blood. Besides, by those criteria, the moment blood left the veins, it would be dead, which would mean that the blood that Bella bleeds at random moments would technically be dead as well. rolls eyes
— Elanor Sarralyn · Nov 25, 10:33 PM · #
Wow. I can’t believe I actually got that right.
Did Meyer say the ‘Dead Blood’ thing, or was that just a Fan wank?
It’s also possible that Meyerian Vampires are vulnerable to ‘Dead Man’s Blood’, and that menstrual fluid and the blood within works as that. Thus, they don’t start a Killfrenzy when it happens.
— Corsair · Nov 26, 12:10 AM · #
I think it was a fanwank. But you really don’t want to drink menstrual blood anyway, trust me.
— Elanor Sarralyn · Nov 26, 12:18 AM · #
This is Vampires we’re talking about here, they’re already the living personification of hematolagnia. Drinking menstrual blood probably wouldn’t disgust them.
— Corsair · Nov 26, 12:21 AM · #
Urgh, yeah, you got that right.
— Snow White Queen · Nov 26, 12:22 AM · #
(I meant about not wanting to drink menstrual blood. Then again, I can’t say anything for the tastes of a fictional species)
— Snow White Queen · Nov 26, 12:23 AM · #
Who knows, there’s probably some family or another of vampires whose brand of vegetarianism is drinking menstrual blood.
— Elanor Sarralyn · Nov 26, 12:26 AM · #
Yeah, I figure that it’s got to be pretty nasty, but I’m not a wannabe Vampire, so meh. Incidentally, there’s a surprising number of named psychological conditions for this.
— Corsair · Nov 26, 12:28 AM · #
Well, you know what lesbian vampires say when they’re done having sex?
“See you next month”
— Artimaeus · Nov 26, 10:33 AM · #
Fascinating.
The Dead Blood thing does kind of make sense actually, it would explain why Meyerian Vamps don’t just rob Blood Banks and the Red Cross and such.
— Corsair · Nov 26, 02:10 PM · #
Although, that WOULD be interesting.
— Snow White Queen · Nov 26, 02:24 PM · #
Then how come Bella’s drinking blood meant for blood transfusions as a way of satisfying Nessie in Breaking Dawn?
— Elanor Sarralyn · Nov 26, 11:41 PM · #
Nessie’s a Dhampir. Different rules.
— Corsair · Nov 27, 01:14 PM · #
Alright, I’ll bite. What are the rules for Dhampir?
— Rhaego · Nov 27, 03:16 PM · #
Who knows? Typically, Dhampirs are Daywalkers, but Vampires in Twilight don’t have any problem with that.
— Corsair · Nov 27, 03:30 PM · #
Nessie doesn’t sparkle. Does she look like a human or like a vampire? I can’t remember.
— Elanor Sarralyn · Nov 27, 10:37 PM · #
Dhampirs are half-vampire, half-human. They usually get all the vampire superpowers without the need to hide from daylight, garlic, silver, etc.
They also tend to be the ones who kill vampires, e.g. in video games like BloodRayne or DarkStalkers.
— Zahano · Dec 10, 10:04 PM · #
He might be creepy, but your doodle!Edward is acutally quite cute.
— Mumbling Sage · Dec 16, 08:43 PM · #
I give the credit to Kitty’s Paint skills…
— Snow White Queen · Dec 16, 10:03 PM · #
It might be Photoshop, but the point remains, Kitty has skills.
— SlyShy · Dec 16, 10:08 PM · #
But didn’t Kitty do other submissions on Paint? Whatever. It’s still cool, and way beyond what I would ever be able to do.
(I know a girl who can do amazing anime on Paint, but that’s WAY beyond my skill level. Maybe on a good day I’ll be able to draw a second-grade equivalent of a tree.)
— Snow White Queen · Dec 16, 10:46 PM · #